Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Still pushing onwards!

I am so with you Sol - its hard not to say hurtful/stupid things when we are falling apart inside. After all, I don't know about you, but sometimes I would just like to see H hurt so much, literally see him hurt. I know that sounds cruel but I feel as though it would make me feel better to know he's feeling a little pain too (which I know he is but doesn't show it). I know its the anger I have inside about the A but, at the same time, I'm not about to try and make him feel better when I can't even make myself feel better.

I am so confused right now I don't know what to think. I have gone through a VERY emotional day, lots of "talking" and my brain literally hurts from the emotion of it all

I say mean and hurtful thing about CB all of the time. I just do not say it to her. I have to process the anger some how so I let it all out when I am not around her. If not I would hurt her feelings all of the time.

I stopped getting mad and am now just sad for my W. She comes to me and cries every time we talk saying that it is so hard and expects me to empathize (new word?). I never hear let's try again so I don't care. I dno't know if pity is better than anger but it has helped me detach and be happy. I think that is a serious step for everyone. I see my W hurt and it doesn't make me feel any better. Why would I want her to feel the way I felt? I can't want that for anybody.

I just heard my W telling my D13 that she needs to "show more sympathy for her mother"! God, this woman wants everyone to feel sorry for poor little her who made her own life and now has to live with it. Oh yes, she could actually change it but isn't interested. How sad is this! She expects "sympathy" from a 13 year old! Unbelievable.

DISCLAIMER: Just for the record, my Valentine's Day poem was not meant to be given to my W. It was for my own perverse enjoyment! I shared it with someone, who replied "Oh my God, you aren't giving that to her are you!" So, don't try this at home, folks! Go with the Hallmark (which I didn't) and buy her some cheap candy like I'm doing. Valentine's Day is big with the kids so I figured I should honour it with something for their mom, really for them not her! Tomorrow, I'm making a heart shaped pancake breakfast...and chocolate, of course. W says "Oh I'm glad you got something for the kids because I didn't get anything". Hey, that almost sounded like I did something right!

Well, so far Valentine's Day has been fine. I got up this morning and made my heart shaped pancakes, set the table with a Valentine's Day table cloth, plates, cutlery and napkins from the $ store. Put a $ store rose and vase in the middle of the table so it would be seen as for everyone, not just W. I left a box of chocolate beside each of their plates (W's cost $7, I went all out ). Before leaving I said goodbye to W, kissed her on the cheek (haven't done that in a month) and wished her a HVD, she said "to you too" and added "drive carefully it's very slippery out". No cards from me or mushy poetry or flower deliveries. I marked the occassion but did little else. I think that was sufficient.
BR dance last night was quite good, W did correct me but using a different tone. It's amazing how just the tone makes such a huge difference in the reception of a comment. In hindsight I should have let her know that I appreciated the way she pointed things out last night but hindsight is just that, hindsight!
Also, now that her day to host a work function is done she seems a little more relaxed and easier to live with. My PMA seems much higher this week too, probably related to her uplifted mood. I really hate that I allow her mood to effect mine like I do. It's hard not to get sucked into an emotional abyss when she's acting like such a bitch! Something else to work on I guess.
So, enough rambling for today. It's Yoga class tonight so chante,chante,chante everyone!

Heart shaped pancakes? YUM!!!! What a catch you are!

You know, the wonderful thing about today for me was my kids. When they got home tonight the first thing they did was thank me for the pancakes, chocolate and the little heart gummies I put in their lunches (and W's!). That was the best gift I could have gotten today. They are amazing little people, W and I did something right when we brought them into this world. Obviously, we are continuing to do something right when I see the way they show gratitude and caring. Love survived Valentine's Day in my home! I believe as long as you show your love to someone, not necessarily your S, that is a successful Valentine's Day.

I second that thought Whatisis - I tried not to think about all the crap that has gone in our lives the past few years and just think about all the wonderful things I should be grateful for

Now to just continue that thought on to another day, another week, another month another ......

Heywyre, I believe by looking at and appreciating all the wonderful things that happen to us along the way, even on this journey, we will pull ourselves through. I have to remind myself of all the incredible things I have done for myself over the past few years, things I never even dreamed of doing and all because of this horrible sitch I'm in. I have grown in so many ways, am a better, fuller person and have developed supports I never had before. If my M goes down the toilet, I won't be going with it. That is something to be both proud of and thankful for! I wonder if my W can say the same about her life? She might have another R but I'd still rather be me!