Has your daughter mentioned any changes she has noticed in you? Stronger, more confident?
I don;t think shes noticed a change per se - as up to the time this has happened I have always been confident and strong - this whole thing has me a blubbering jello-like mess - but not in her presence - she is pretty perceptive but we are both ( h and me ) hidng what is going on - as he is still home with us and since he works nights this is easier than you would think. If and when the time comes if H moves out - I hope that H and I can talk it over with C on how to help my daughter cope with it - one day at a time though we are not there yet - curiously our MC thought it was odd that we were keeping D in the dark - he pushed us as to why - My C thinks this is because the MC wanted to get my H to admit how this will affect my D if he chooses to leave - sort of forcing him to confront ALL the ramiifications of his actions - for now we have still decided to lay low and keep the kiddo in the dark as much as possible
me - 47 H - 50 /49 when bomb happened Daughter 17 years old married 21 years together 26 years Bomb August 06 H still at home 'I love you but not in love with you'
Welcome....not where you want to be but for now it is where you NEED to be...
I understand the whole kiddo thing....my H basically snuck out in the middle of the night....telling only me that he was leaving....when he did talk to the kids (20,18,9 at the time) it was days later and they were totally crushed...D18 didn't talk to him for the next 2 years!!!
Our religious counselors tried to reason with H about the reprocussions to what he was talking about doing....I can tell you this....I don't care how reasonable a man is, how much of a conscience he has, how good he has always been....when he enters the world of MLC you won't see any of what was....it gets ugly and depressing...
Good news is some of us make it out the other side with our spouses back in our lives...H is back now with us....long bumpy and winding road....
Hold on....and maybe take daughter for a mini-facial....my girls like doing spa stuff with me!
Take care and vent here....cry here....it really does help...
Sounds like your doing a really good job of talking the talk. I keep hearing that the walk will come, I have faith. I was planning on taking D's out on V day too. I figure if he makes it home for dinner he knows where the fridge is. Good going.
Grace - I love that - he'll know where the fridge is ! you know last Oct on my anniversary my H called me AT WORK the day before and said what is your expectation about tomorrow - I said do whatever you think is right
so he said - I dont want you erupting when I dont get you anything - the day isnt a happy one for me and I dont want to acknowledge it - I said if thats what you need to do thats what you should -- it killed me inside
Its like he wanted my permission to hurt me - well I dont mind DBing but that is where I draw the line !
I struggled with what to do - I ended up buying a card that had an umbrella on it and it said - I'm here is you need help in the storm It went unread for 2 weeks and when he finally read it he thanked me so next week for V day I expect the same speech or nothing I am much stronger than I was on OCt and this time I will make plams without him - and HE CAN ALSO FIND THE FRIDGE
me - 47 H - 50 /49 when bomb happened Daughter 17 years old married 21 years together 26 years Bomb August 06 H still at home 'I love you but not in love with you'
Good for you HM. It is amazing how strong we get as the days go by. I think my H will just ignore V. Last year my H went to the dollar store and bought me a white bear. That is the most he could do. This year will be worse I'm sure since he is out of the house and with OW. We'll see. I was thinking about buying flowers for myself and doing something real special with the kids.
Me: 45 H: 43 Married: 19 years Dated 05 years Bomb: 11/06 OW - "I love her, but still want you as my friend"
Hannahsmom, I will write your whole name, because I am a Hannahsdad, only mine is 14.
I have got up to speed, and I must say I, My dear, I am impressed! You are not only talking the talk, you are walking the walk.
I think you are doing great, keep up the good work. Not many here have heard this at first, but you have great instincts for this so as long as his actions are positive, continue on course, if and when you get a negative reaction, tuck that away and don't do that again.
We were posting earlier about how fluid these situations can be, we need to be vigilant and adaptive. When he is up, full steam ahead, when he is down, think about "what you used to do", and then do the opposite.
You have said you are in this for the long haul, and trust me, we all respect you for that, but there will be times that what your H does and says will make you second guess what you are doing, that is a good time to come here and get some perspective.
Stand and fight for what you know is right. I have told my W several times, my new motto is "No Regrets".
WE are all here for you, for ourselves and for each other.
81388 Me 43, waw 44, 3 kids(D15,D12,S6)Married 19yr, together 27yr. Bomb 11/27/06, Separated 3/1/07 Divorce filed 4/18/07,
"Because it is in giving that we receive; In forgiving that we obtain forgiveness; In dying that we rise to eternal life" St. Francis
It's important to have a plan ahead of time for stuff like V-Day, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. Having a plan helps me to be in control, and it keeps me from moping or feeling sorry for myself. For me it always helps to deal with thigns with lightness and humor. Don't know if that will help you with your H at all, but maybe.
