I think thats the worst feeling, them wanting to be together, but they won't just come out and do it. When I think about it, it sickens me that she can be with someone else, but at the same time, not want to file right away for a divorce. When she wanted to marry me, it was done, we were planning the wedding even before I actually proposed to her.
But as I read earlier, its an adrenaline rush that they feel when they are with the OP. They feel that it's love, but it's purely a rush. When the rush is over, where does it leave them, confused, lonely, guilty, sad, ect.
I just hope they will come around and realize that it was a fantasy, and that everyone here is strong enough to let it be the past. If they don't, I feel there is no hope.
M-31 W-25 S-1 1/2 bomb dropped 9-01-06,and repeating over and over "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be." Groucho Marx.
Hey! Maybe they haven't left yet because we are doing so great at DB'ing!!
I'm totally convinced too that the A is an addiction; like you said - a rush. The problem is that the longer it goes on, the more long-term damage that is done. My H actually asked me recently if I thought that I would be able to get over the A and learn to trust him again. Now that is definately futuristic thinking since the A is still going strong! Let's not put the cart before the horse.
Another question - why do they act like they still need to cover up the fact that they talk? and lie about meeting when confronted? I know about the A and have access to the cell phone bills. Can't they just stop lying??
NO, It's soo bad in my case that my W thinks it's justified because we are seperated. WOW! what kind of addiction is that. I think I would be better off if it was heroin. At least there is places for that. And it's illegal. She said she wished I would go see somone else, to take the guilt away, but I told her I couldn't because I was totally committed to her. (maybe just should be committed) haha.
I gave her a good guilt trip yeasterday, and I know it's not DBing, but I think it really needed to be said.
They need to lie because it adds to the excitement. IF they were up front, and you didn't get upset, they would not be having that rush. Remember when you were a kid, getting away with something was such big excitement. Thats what it is, I caught my W in a lie with her cousin. She was supposed to be there(we were trying then) and when I called her cousins house she freaked and told me she had to run to the store. I called my W's cell phone right after and it was busy. Called back and listend to her messege: "Oh my God, He just called and I was totally expecting it to be you. I told him you were at the store, you need to call him right away" When she called, I questioned her and she wouldn't tell me where she was. Thats when we fell into this hole again.
I hope it's worth it to her, because the pain I feel now and the pain my S will have when he gets old enough to realize it, is not worth it to me.
M-31 W-25 S-1 1/2 bomb dropped 9-01-06,and repeating over and over "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be." Groucho Marx.
I am one of those whose H is still at home. It's funny, but my H has always called me stubborn, and that is one of those personality traits that is helping me so much now. I, too, will not be the bad guy. He is having an EA, that he has supposedly given up, but I, too see the cell phone bills, and it kills me to think that while he is going to the grocery store to get me some flowers, he will go to an expensive florist to have them sent to her like last year. But, at least I will have him this evening, cause he is cooking out tonight, and we will snuggle and watch tv together, and she can snuggle with her roses, and hopefully get stuck with all the thorns. L
Hahaha!! That just made me laugh.. Exactly my situation - H will be with me later and she can snuggle with her thorny roses! I agree that being stubborn is a good trait right now. I'm certainly NOT going to go down easy. Just having a rough day and I KNOW they are together RIGHT NOW and it hurts like crazy. I'm sure my neediness this morning just threw them right into each other's arms.
So... what would a good DB'er do?? 1 - Try not to take anything personally 2 - Don't make a fuss over the OW - it's going to fizzle out eventually 3 - Make the CHOICE to love H and don't just react to H latest actions 4 - Be positive.. NO ONE likes to be around a depressed/sobbing person! 5 - Detach - make the decision to do things in love and expect nothing in return for now 6 - Make changes permanent 7 - PRAY FOR A MIRACLE!
hey buddy, just planned another family vacation! Spring Break here "we" come.
Got home from therapy, 5 minutes of small talk in the kitchen and spouse goes in the living room and calls out "X, I'm going"
"I'm going"...wow what does that mean? And why didn't I ask? I fear I will be joining you in that other forum Whatsis! God I am sick of this. This is totally unbelieveable. I wish I could change your situation and I wish I could change mine. Low, lower, lowest...here I come.
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
Stubborn, try BR Dance lessons, you and your S can learn to fight in public too. It's truly a connecting experience. I'd like to connect my W to a chair that plugs in! ZAP. Hey, on a funnier note, last night the dance instructor came over and asked us what part of the dance we were having difficulty with, I replied "the part where you dance"! W did actually smile when I sprung that one. Hang in there Stubborn, but remember I've always got a spare room over in "Thinking of Leaving".
