Go back to the home page, under articles, while your spouse decides. It will help you with the friend thing. Hope you get better. A good cry does feel good. I wish sometimes I could just let loose. But I get watered up and nothing comes out.
M-31 W-25 S-1 1/2 bomb dropped 9-01-06,and repeating over and over "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be." Groucho Marx.
Sounds like your marriage isn't dead. There's life in it.
The only way through this is to attract him back.
The best way to do this is Get a Life. Take care of yourself.
James made an excellent point about our spouses contolling our happiness. As long as they feel that way, they will feel suffocated and repusled. They may actually like the control. But...if we are happy, joyful and fulfilled in ourselves, then we are more likely to draw them back.
I know about the tears. I have a place I can run to, not too far from my office, where I can have a good cry. It's a Catholic Church and always open. And be patient with yourseld. Yuo will have days when you can't hold on. And the feelings will cycle through: sadness, denial, bargaining, anger, etc.
James...I find that my wife is reacting the same way to my buoyancy and happiness. She's getting depressed and closing in on herself.
My sitch is on this page, she said she wants to be OM, I have no idea whats going on, except that I am moving back in, against her wishes, because I have to be with my family. If she decides to leave, I will be upset, but at least I have my home with my S. Thinking of your Spouse with another person, hurts, makes you sad, your stomach gets tied in knots, you want to cry, but you are angry enough to hit something. Right? It's normal, and it won't go away.
In that article, he made his wife feel things the other man couldn't, while he worked on the things that the OM was giving her. When she found that he could give her it all, she came back and things were better. You need to work on what he is finding in OW, then work on how to change so you can give it to him too. But you lack that right now and everyone in this sitch let it go too far with no communication to fix it before it got to this point. So find ways to communicate without trying to FIX it, and retain ideas of how to change for the better. Work on yourself first, then the M will start fixing itself through actions, not words. Words to the people mean nothing, it sends thier minds into a pile of mush and words just get lost in the mess. If you ever watch the expression on thier faces when you start telling them how it can work and it will get better, They look like zombies and resent that you want to change now that it came to this. Thats why actions are better than words. Show them how you have changed, don't tell them how you want to change.
Don't worry about me, if you have some advice go to my thread. I am not here giving you support because I want it in return. I find it helps for me to give other people advice, then I try to practice it myself. I have made all the mistakes the books tell you not to do. I just want to pass them on so people don't do the same. Thanks for caring.
M-31 W-25 S-1 1/2 bomb dropped 9-01-06,and repeating over and over "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be." Groucho Marx.
I am going to give it my best. I am setting him free but will be there for him to lean on. After he moves out, we agreed to not talk for about two weeks and give each other a little break. I'm scared to lose him but at this point I already feel as if I have.
I wish there was somewhere local (San Francisco Bay area) where a group like ours could just get together. I have friends but they want me to move on and leave him behind. They don't understand why I would want him back after the way he's been treating me. I need to find out what things bring me laughter and joy????
I think a local DB support group would be good, except for one thing....it's a broken hearts club. When you talk a member of the opposite sex about your marriage problems, you are saying I'm vulnerable, and subconciously, you are saying, I'm available. It might be a breeding ground for revenge affairs. It might work if they were single-sex DB support teams.
Luckily 99% of my friends want our marriage to work out. It's my wife who is starting to lean on friends who don't have a loyalty to our marriage and who will support her "unconditionally", even if she has an affair and divorces me. Don't know what to say about your situation.. Find a good church where they support marriage. Some more liberal ones will support whatever decisions you make, and won't help you stand for your marriage. If you want suggestions, I can email you a few links.
View this time as an opportunity to find what brings laughter and joy. How about old hobbies/interests? It took me almost a month to write down what would interest me. But I did and got to it.
You answered it today, and the article is on the home page. Doesn't it crack you up how the react to your happiness. The first time I tried the LRT, she said "What, are you happy with our situation, what, do you want a divorce?" I laughed after it and We got together for the holidays. I think it was fake but she acted on it fast. I screwed up and stopped the LRT and GAL technique and lost it all. But I am still fighting.sorry to use your thread OB.
OB Theoden is great at advice and take it to heart. Your not going to make things better by being depressed, and showing that repels any chance of you H trying to see why he should be with you. If your depressed, he will see you in a negative way, trying to get him back with guilt. Stop pushing and find something to make you happy.
M-31 W-25 S-1 1/2 bomb dropped 9-01-06,and repeating over and over "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be." Groucho Marx.
M-31 W-25 S-1 1/2 bomb dropped 9-01-06,and repeating over and over "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be." Groucho Marx.
