Good idea for V day. I know what you mean about crying your eyes out here, but I usually feel better. This is new for me too. You asked earlier if anybody had a S in IC. I do. The thing with my H though is that he's "done" with me and our M. He started seening his C (secretly) so he could figure out how to tell me. He didn't, bring it up that is, you can see my sitch for details. Like you I would love to be a fly on the wall, but H doesn't talk about it and I don't ask. Sounds like your doing good (even though it doesn't feel that way). Have a good weekend.
Hi Grace - I know that one of the reasons my H is seeing the counselor is how to handle the telling me and daughter and everyone else we know he wants out. He is usually very honorable and has a concious - and feels guilty when he knows he isnt doing the right thing - that is part of his internal struggle now, I suspect.
He is also re-writing history in terms of how he sees me and out marriage. While it is true I let him take a back seat to our child, my demanding job, my friends - you name it - I think part of it was cause I believed he woud always be there for me - surprise surprise !
Anyway I have regrets that I didnt see the signs sooner - I was too busy trying to balance all the balls in the air - and I refuse to beat myself up too hard
He is saying that too much has happened and he cant find those feelings for me anymore. when our marriage counselor asked him if he could forgive me - he said he didnt think he could - I was thinking - forgive what exactly ? he blames me for everything wrong in his life
anyway - thanks for your support. I am going to try to enjoy this weekend buoyed by the suupotr that you all have shown !
Last edited by hannahsmom; 02/09/0703:10 PM.
me - 47 H - 50 /49 when bomb happened Daughter 17 years old married 21 years together 26 years Bomb August 06 H still at home 'I love you but not in love with you'
He is saying that too much has happened and he cant find those feelings for me anymore. when our marriage counselor asked him if he could forgive me - he said he didnt think he could - I was thinking - forgive what exactly ? he blames me for everything wrong in his life
HM,
You are so in the right place. MLC Villie population - us. It gets better, your head is on so well right now it is good to see.
How was your day? What did you do for you and your daughter?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Hi Jack - I had a pretty good day - I had an appointment with my therapist who I love - she is great and so supportive
also the day started well - my H is still home and he came in his morning ( he works nights ) and My D , him and I shared a few laughs over her breakfast
later - I asked him if he wanted to go shopping together for her birthday next week - he said yes so we planned it for Sunday now I am psyching myself up to keep it light , try to enjoy the moment and focus on making my daughters 17th b'day next week nice
My therapist suggested asking my H to do something Valentines day - I decided against this as I think he will view this as pressure - also just found out he has an appt with his C that evening - so I am planning having a nice Valnetines day for myself by scheduling a facial that day - and taking my daughter out to dinner
Mostly - I am trying to stay positive - and keep on track with realizing that no matter what happens - I am a caring, compassionate, person who is a great mother and great friend and if he cant see that now - maybe he will again some day
also I found a book in the bookcase that someone gave me before this even happened - I never read it but I started to today - its called "Embracing Uncertainty" by Susan Jeffers - teh sub title is breakthrough methods for achieving peace of mind when facing teh unknown - I am only 20 pages into it but it us very good - its good to have me helping myself
me - 47 H - 50 /49 when bomb happened Daughter 17 years old married 21 years together 26 years Bomb August 06 H still at home 'I love you but not in love with you'
All - I dont feel like I'm doing so great - but I am trying to talk a good game - fake it till you make it huh? It really does help
I find that the days leading up to wedding anniversaries, Valentines day etc are much worse than getting thru the actual day
But if I see one more jewelry commercial I am going to SCREAM !
LOL
Last edited by hannahsmom; 02/09/0711:46 PM.
me - 47 H - 50 /49 when bomb happened Daughter 17 years old married 21 years together 26 years Bomb August 06 H still at home 'I love you but not in love with you'
Yeah those days are hard. Marketting and comercials make you want to kill your television. Just scream "Liars! Diamonds are forever cause they're pressurized carbon!!"
Yeah, the lead up always sucks. Once there it is just another day.
Fake it until you make it...exactly, you keep acting the way you want to be until one day you wake up, and you realize that you are not acting anymore, this person is now you.
I have a question?
Has your daughter mentioned any changes she has noticed in you? Stronger, more confident?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Hey, HM, I think it sounds like you had a terrific day.
Appreciate it, relish it, wrap yourself in it, consider it a blessing.
Too often we look ahead, we wish for things to get better, "when will this be over??"
We lose sight of the progress, the good that we have in the moment.
As you start to appreciate the here and now, you will become more and more mindful of how fortunate you are. And you will see those kinds of moments, those kinds of days, increase.
