Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis I'm new here and need help

I can already see that yo are all wonderful = thank you all for the warm welcome -

My H just called to tell me his appointment is done and he likes the counselor - he says " I think I am doing the right thing going to talk to someone '

I wasnt sure what to say - so I said - that is good - I hope you get out of it what you need

I found it odd that he called - but I am encouraged - I try not to hang my hopes on every glimmer of something good because I just fall so low when something not good happens
Can you tell I have been reading all your posts these past few months - you have all taught me stuff already

HMom

Hello HM....

Welcome to our Rollercoaster, please strap on your seatbelt and hold on tight...it has many twist and turns, but eventually you will be able to get off the ride.

I personally have read all the books.....there is also a book on here called "Midlife Crisis for Dummies"....I, being who I am, enjoyed that book the most. To me, it put a humorous side to an otherwise "what I though was a death sentence".

Wow...you have been lurking since September??? Then you should know all of us by now, and you do seem to have a good perspective on the situation already. Good for you. I wish I had found this board before the bomb hit 17 months ago. Please do not let the time frame frighten you. It took him a long time to reach MLC and will take awhile for him to get out of it. But with patience, endurance, strength you shall make it.

hehehehe.....going bald eh? Yup, mine too. Don't they know that bald is in now?? I say just shave it off....and fuhgetaboutit.

Never be afraid to post to us......like mentioned above we do not bite.

don't pay any mind to our craziness as it helps us deal with our sitch's......but we will help in any way we can

Take care

Jeanette

You did great, that was perfect.

Validate, listen, validate.

Yes it is encouraging but you are right, don't look at it that way, because you will feel discouraged when you get opposing signs.

Just detach from it. Let it go.

It's his thing, his problem, his dilemma.

You're just a caring, lovingly detached observer.

Oh, really dear, how nice for you.

As if he was telling you that he found a $5 bill on the sidewalk.

Now go watch Grey's, drink a glass of wine, admire the hunky men.

You will be fine.
hugs,
BA

HMom,
You did very well. Good for you. I'm so glad he is in counseling and found someone to talk to.
You asked about counseling and if any of our spouses went alone. Mine did, right after the bomb. He would not go to "marriage" counseling but because I was seeing a counselor for myself, he decided to go to one, too. He went twice. Then he stopped going but lied to me about it. I am not saying your H would do this; just telling you that you might want to realize this can take a long time, this crisis. If you've been reading the boards you already know that.
I really hope you stay with us and post. We'll do what we can to help, promise. I would say his age and physical changes are definitely playing a role in this. I'm very sorry for your pain but you will be ok. I'll check back.
Hope

HM

You will find amazing people on this board!!! We all know what you are going through, some longer some shorter periods of time.

You seem to have a handle on it right now and that is terrific. Read and learn from others here is your best bet.

The others have given you alot of good advice already. Patience and time is the key here. You will notice that there is a MLC pattern but each S goes through it differently. Just work on you and take care of you and your D right now. Let your h work on himself.

You are in my prayers.

Y

Hi HM,
Sorry you find yourself here. You sound like you are doing well though. You are right not to hang hope on every little thing, I did that and it only serves to hurt you. Everyone is right, detach and take care of yourself. Easier said than done, I know. It is really difficult to do and it takes a while to figure out how (I still have trouble with it 7 months later).

Everyone here offers wonderful advise.

Welcome,
Shades

HM,
How are you holding up today? I have nothing to offer that beats what you have been given. Just wanted to check on you.

Good morning
I am holding up ok - my H started counseling last night - I have my appt with my therapist today.
How I wish I had come to you all earlier for help - maybe it was my way of living in denial that this was happening to me
I was always so cavalier when this has happened to people in my life - always the caring friend who listened to my friends who have suffered with this problem or ones like it - now its happening to me and I feel so ashamed at how I smugly thought in my head that I would never be going through this. My husband has mentioned both in our MC sessions and when he dropped the bomb seperating or divorce - I know it is tearing him up at the thought of us not beng together for our daughter. I also worry that I've made some mistakes - I actually looked at a book called the irritable make syndrome that desribes MLC behavior - in a moment of weakness I gave it to him - later I left him a note in the book saying that I regretted giving it to him and it was not my job to fix or diagnos him - he seemed to accept that apology - interestingly enough I know he brought the book to his first counseling session last night
Anyway - thanks for checking on me - I'm finding that as I type these posts I am crying my eyes out - but better here than in front of him
I hope everyone has a good weekend - I am resolved to get thru Valentines day next week - I've decided to book a facial or massage for myself that day - lets all do something nice for ourselves !

Good for you sweetie.......we have to be nice to ourselves. And cry all you need to, it helps, it truly does.

Don't worry about giving him the book......I did the same, I thought if I could just open his mind a little as to why he is feeling so overwhelmed and depressed, he might listen. In my case, he rebelled. Said something like....he's glad that everyone knowes what is wrong with him. Hell, our Doctor even told him.....he has since changed doctors......why? Because I believe he cannot face the truth.

Your doing just great HM....keep the chin up and keep walking straight ahead. The light at the end of the tunnel only gets closer.

Jeanette

A facial and a massage, Gosh you are Tropy material already!

WE all backslide sweetums.

it's ok. That is how we learn from our mistakes right!

I am sure, that when friends of your were going thru things like this, you were not smug to them. It is hard to know what to say to them.

It has happened to you, it has happened to me. It happens.

We are here.

Valentines day last year, I was a mess, just a few days into Puffy leaving. This Valentines day, I am going to force one of the poool boyz to write me a poem and proclaim there love to me.

You are right for not getting your hopes up for things. Just go with the flow lovey.

Cry, and let it all out, I always say, Cry, then go buy a a pair of shoes. but JEEPERS it was getting expensive. Then Brue, one of the posters, says to me

Don't you have bills to pay? How many pair of shoes are you going to buy? OK I Get it.

So after you cry, maybe eat some chocolate? Hmmm, you might become a fat butt, ok after you cry, um

have some wine? nope, you willbe boozing it up before you know it.

ok this is it.

After you cry, write down, in a journal. I am ok, I am still here. I can do this.


you are doing fine.