Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again how to keep calm and patient??

[quote=inpain]It's so great the way you deal with things. I wish I was as strong as you are.[quote]

But YOU ARE STRONG my friend. As human beings, we ALL have the same potentials. I'm no stronger than you or you better than me. We all just have to tap into that inner strenght within us. It's all within in the end, you see. Love exists in us and we don't NEED anything external to be better or whole. We just need to keep shinning that light on our inner selves. Look into your heart and you will find enormous reserves of strenght.

Also, it helps to keep perspective at least for me. I think of all those poor people in Africa or Asia or even in this country who are say dying of cold, hunger, disease and have such a hard life. Have had disfigurements, accidents, deaths, etc and you realize that our lives are bloody awesome! I mean think about it! Here we are on the computer on these boards...We could be in Africa or India or China somewhere picking firewood for hours on end and then having to walk home with a child on our back to cook some rice for our families. We'd have no access to healthcare and forget about technology! We're so very very fortunate living in America with so much wealth, cars, clothes, food, houses, etc, etc. I mean the amount of crap we buy!! I have 4 bottles of lotion on my desk for crying out loud!

See? What I mean?

No let's get out of here and have the best evening we've had in a long long time!

love you girl

rainbowlove
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JG is coming back to me and we're going to have a family. Positive thinking!

You're right, that does put things in perspective.

I hope you have a great evening Rainbowlove. I'm in UK though so its bedtime here. On my own again for 5th night in a row - maybe that is why I'm on such a downer.

Enjoy you're night.

Well H and I are going out for a meal tonight and staying in a hotel!! All at H's suggestion. He really is trying with making sure we go out together quite often. I has been almost 3 weeks since we have been out as we have all been ill at various points so I'm looking forward to it.


H also hasn't worn his wedding ring for the last three days. H said he took it off for work which he always used to do in case he lost it as it is a bit loose. I'm wondering if he will put it back on for tonight or if it was an excuse to take it off because he didn't feel comfortable wearing it. I don't want to mention it to him but I am going to put it back where he got it from originally as it is in S's reach at minute which is not a good idea so we'll see what happens.

Inpain, this is awesome news!! Have fun at the hotel and enjoy your meal. This is so inspiring.

Regarding the ring, there's this thing that we say at my company, "Assume the positive!" What happens when "we assume the positive"? We give the other person the benefit of doubt. It also stops us from putting blame on the other and it has us walking in the other person's shoes. We assume that there are good intentions behind what the other person was or is doing. That they didn't mean it. "Assuming the positive" creates goodwill!

THIS HAS BEEN A VALUABLE LESSON FOR ME IN WORKING AT A CORPORATION.

So now apply this to your H! ASSUME THE POSITIVE my friend!

And see the miracles unfold! Our thoughts have great power like they say in the movie The Secret. If you haven't seen it already, google it and buy it! It shows us how we have the ability to create our own reality. Think positive and keep an open mind. A ring is just a ring afterall! H MADE AN ENORMOUS EFFORT to take you to a hotel! This an action that a boyfriend of 3 weeks would do, not a long-term H. He means business, so enjoy...and RELAX!

How about CHILLAX?! Chill out and RELAX!

I love you Inpain...maybe we should change your name to Injoy!

Now wear that hot pink thong and low-cut blouse to your dinner tonight....giggles.

hugs and kisses
rainbowlove
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JG is coming back to me and we're going to have a family. Positive thinking!

Hi, IP, I hope yall have a great time, who knows what may happen?

About the ring, I don't know when my H stopped wearing his, because he sometimes took it off. But when I noticed he wasn't wearing it at all when this whole thing started, I said something, and he started wearing it, and would sometimes take it off again, then started wearing it again and I haven't seen it off since.

Well, maybe when things have gone along really well for a time, you could suggest resisizing of his ring.
You are doing great, don't think you're not, okay?

L

:(Unfortunately we didn't make it to the meal or the hotel. S had an accident just as I was starting to get ready and we ended up at Accident and Emergency Dept at the hospital. Things have been very strained the last couple of days as neither of us has had much sleep for about a week because of our colds and then we've had even less with S being ill.

I like your idea of assuming the positive. I think I really need to start applying it to my sitch because I keep ruining things because of what I THINK H is thinking not what I know.

Also like you're new word chillax

So no pink thong and low cut blouse action after all but I'm sure it will be rebooked.

Hi L as you can see from above post we didn't end up having a great time unfortunately.

Yeah I might suggest that about resizing his ring then there would be no excuse for taking it off! Like you say though, when more time has passed.

I would be doing great if I could just learn to keep my mouth closed. I keep asking way to many questions at the minute they just keep blurting out. I really must try harder or I'm going to mess this all up I think. H is being great - very understanding about it - but I can tell he's getting fed up of it. I'm so grateful I have all of you to help me through this. I will get there.

Hi Ip

very tired now but got an idea...when you have a list of questions for H how about posting them here instead? We could all help you with them? Maybe hone them down a little? In your sitch right now you don't get much chance of R talks so when you do get them you have to give out the quality stuff.

Don't worry abotu the ring for now..my H used to leave his off cos it was "too big". I just let it slide, considered the bigger picture.

Hi Jen Jam that is an excellent idea!! H seems to have come up with his own idea on it and I'm not sure whether it is good or bad - perhaps that can be the first question you could try to help with!?

Last night H said I had 5 seconds to ask a question I want answering about us/R/M - he was very smiley and jokey when he said it and pulled me onto his knee to say it. I asked if I could have longer than 5 seconds to think and he said no and started counting so I blurted out "why don't you want to ML?" He then said OK now my part of the deal is to give you an answer to that question in 48 hours and your part of the deal is to not ask any more questions or talk about things until then. So of course I have agreed. This morning I said that he didn't have to think of an answer it was OK. He said he was going to do his best to because it did need answering. OK so here's where I'm worrying and maybe someone else may see it differently on here. What if him thinking of the answer to that question makes him realise he doesn't want to be here?? What if I don't like the answer?? I wish I hadn't asked it now but he put me on the spot and I suppose really it is the only question left to answer because everything else seems OK.

First off, How is S? What happened?

And that is a great idea to filter your questions through here first.

I also think it is good of your H to let you do your questioning this way. And he said you could ask him whatever you wanted answering. Don't worry about his answer, he may have been thinking alot about it already anyway, and this way it's out in the open. Plus, what if his answer is just that he wants to make sure it's right for you both?

L