Steph: I only wants to say you i understand how sad you are feeling bc christmass morning... i know my h suffered too much last christmass morning also, but in that case he decided that...!!... he picked up my chldren at 11:00am just to give them his presents, but it was not the same... seeing his little baby opening the presents... He always told me he felt during that time out of life... missing something, not hving what he wants, being with OW and without us...!!... Yes, he was missing a familly... So, i know it can be so hard, but let your w miss you on that morning... i know you are thinking about your child, but remember, she beleives in santa, and santa always comes, with or without daddy...!!.. just try to slep later that christmass day, and to wake up later too... can it help...?!!... i dont think so, but i know you will handle it well... is just another hard moment to be on control and pass it...!!... My heart is with you...!!
I have to say that I think you've been very patient and shown time and again that you are your wife's friend and daughter's father, first and always.
From what I can tell, this in and of itself and a wonderful goal to reach.
I think you've done an incredible job in changing yourself and your relationships for the better.
I know you are hurting for the family things you will miss out on with your daughter. (((((((Steph))))))
I think at this point you can say that you've left no stone un-turned in your search for a better relationship.
Perhaps some wise DBers will have a different opinion than I, but I suspect that you've gone as far as you can go.
You've done the things that you can, and now it's time for your wife to do her share of the work. Perhaps she'll never decide to come back to you. I hope that's not how it turns out.
But hopefully, she'll start working on herself and realize that she has a husband who truly cares about the relationship and your child. And she'll never be able to replace that.
Taking care of ME ! I'll be back shortly...dont worry, just taking the time and space I need and want right now! Living in the real world for a spell .
Steph, hope you are doing ok, you need to take the time for you. We all get to that point of deciding what we really need and want. Sad thing is that we don't always pursue it.
HAve a great Thanksgiving, we truly have much to be thankful for.. Sue
I am doing well, thanks for the good wishes everyone. I dont feel like posting much but I DO read up a lot, so keep posting and I will try to sometimes drop by your threads .
I have decided not to post so much because it was become an obsession: trying to analyse everything. It lead to great let-downs as well as bloated hopes.
As it stands now, I have NO chances of ever getting back with my wofe and...to tell you teh truth, it does not hurt that much. I am enjoying my life and looking at life in a new perspective. Do I really want/need to be with this woman? Well, as things stand, I KNOW I dont NEED to be with her, and I am questionning my desires to be with her. You see, she is unhappy (yes, even with ME out of the picture!!!???) and frustrated and frustrating and I am not enjoying her company so much anymore. I am not going to let HER get me down. If she is unhappy...it is no longer my fault. If I am happy, it no longer depends on her moods!
We did go out to a film festival last night and had a great time, but I was happy to come home and leave her behind (especially when she started talking about her guilt, her inability to deal with our daughter, her frustrations etc...). So I am not going dark...simply dont feel like spending every single moment of my time with her. I am going out tonight, have made plans for New Years Eve (and I am looking forward to it ), have made plans to have friends over for supper over the holidays and I am not including her in my plans...not to be spightfull, but because I want to be me, and I cant do that around her!
So that's where I stand at the moment. You may see me less, but I'm still around!
Steph, I am so happy that you are realizing so many important things about yourself. You have become so much stonger and because of that and maybe this board, are able to move on without completely falling apart. I know that you don't really want your m to end, as all of are here for that very reason. I also see that we can't go on in a m that makes one or both unsure, uncomfortable, unwanted, unloved....I could go on and on. I have a great respect for your decisions. Hoefully you and your w can become friends enough to take care of your d the way a child deserves in the middle of such conflicts. And PLEASE keep in touch from time to time Sue
Helo everyone. Decided I needed to post! My wife threw me a curve ball today. Here is the situation:
I have been quite detached and not thinking about working on my marriage...just living and being me and feeling pretty good. I have spent some time with my wife...but mostly at her invitation. She left a message Friday night while I was out. Called back Saturday morning, I was still sleeping . I called back when I got up and she then called again...asking me to come over. I did, we went shopping, made Christmas decorations with our daughter and then to the Santa Clause parade. It was fun...I went home right after the parade. My wife called again on Saturday night. This morning (Sunday), again she calls when I am still in bed. She was going grocery shopping and would call me when she came back. I was on the phone with my Mom when she just showed up on my door step!? We ended up going to brunch and I came home afterwards. She called AGAIN, in the afternoon..and threw me for a loop . "Would you like to spend Christmas Eve with my family...and participate in the gift exchange?".
WHAT?
I told her I would have to think about it and then asked her why I should. In short, I questioned her motives and motivation. Was it because she feels guilty and simply wants to aliviate some of that guilt? Was it because her parents had asked her? Or was because she wanted me there? I said I did not want to be a pity case or her quick fix (to her guilt I mean). She got a bit defensive, but when I explained my feelings to her...she understood...so she retracted her invitation . I said fine, did not want to ruin her evening, and that next time, she should really think about these things BEFORE inviting and then uninviting!!! She called back a half hour later...asked me to go to her parents for supper tonight and spend Christmas with them because YES she wanted me to be there. I accepted.
Her feelings have NOT changed...the marriage is over...but she keeps wanting to do things with me! This is not only a small thing either...why have I been invited? She said maybe this is a "transition" Christmas. And the future Christmas'? Her answer : "Who knows?
I felt good...I was in a very good place. Now? This has really screwed me up! Is it a baby step? Is it a sign? Should I even care? I didn't, before tonight!
steph, something you are doing is working.....do not listen to w...and for heavens sake when you get an invitation....don't question her motives...ah but actually this time it bumped up the anti from chritmas eve to christmas day right?
stay in the place you are now...keep the mindframe you have had....let w do as she will...accept invitations if you wish but do not question the motives of them...good that you don't always answer the phone...good that she is calling so much.... things are happening...but it is best if you just sit back and keep the stance you have.... LL
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. I called back when I got up and she then called again...asking me to come over. I did, we went shopping, made Christmas decorations with our daughter and then to the Santa Clause parade. It was fun...I went home right after the parade. My wife called again on Saturday night. This morning (Sunday), again she calls when I am still in bed. She was going grocery shopping and would call me when she came back. I was on the phone with my Mom when she just showed up on my door step!? We ended up going to brunch and I came home afterwards. She called AGAIN, in the afternoon..and threw me for a loop 
. "Would you like to spend Christmas Eve with my family...and participate in the gift exchange?". 