we nearly lost him but he has pulled thru it and is now in his 6th yr of remission. He's the reason for our faith conversion.
That's why I believe that whatever 'complains' I have against my W, is a small thing compared to the crisis we had at that time. He's also mildly autistic btw. What could be worse?
Anyway, what I was trying to say in my previous post was that unless one accepts to strip away all pride and humbles oneself, solutions can be difficult but not impossible.
back in 2000, the stress level was absolutely unbelievable.... a fragile marriage, a terminally ill child with learning disability, living in a 'haunted' (yes, it's true believe or not) apartment, problems with in-laws, dealing with cancer-stricken father ....all contributed to the marriage breakdown.
The point happiness starts with yourself 1st. Once you have it, the happiness within you can spread to your loved ones....I'm still working on it and I firmly believe it works.
Yes, I do feel frustrated at times when my W does not behave exactly the way I expect her to BUT hey, that's not fair rite? Anyway, it forum is an outlet for me to pour my once-in-a-while frustrations
I could easily have written a book about it ...
Apologies again if you guys have problems understanding my posts as English is NOT my 1st language.
For someone who is not a native English speaker, you are very literate and clear.
I'm so so sorry about your son. Please don't underestimate the effect of all of this stress on your relationship. Both of you may be suffering from some post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
My late husband went through many health crises during our ten-year marriage... at least 20 hospitalizations, kidney transplant, leg amputation, hip replacement, a couple of heart attacks... he's been gone over 6 years, and I'm just NOW beginning to see what long-term effect all of that stress has had on me. And of course his death... I'm just now feeling that I'm getting some perspective on that.
And you're right, those life-threatening situations DO put everything into perspective. Of course, you still want intimate contact with your wife-- probably now more than ever-- but recognize the anger and hurt that all of these events have caused in you and be careful that you're not focusing them in just this one area of your life.
Both of you have had to bear a LOT... and remission is only remission... the future is scary. Be gentle with yourself and with her. You have a lot to be angry about. Be angry at God, if you want-- your anger cannot touch God, but expressing it may make you feel better. This is NOT the way your life was supposed to go, right?
Don't be afraid of negative feelings. Get them out. Post here, talk to your pastor, yell at God. Being angry doesn't mean you aren't grateful for the good things that have happened. There's plenty of room in you and in God for ALL of your feelings.
And above all, be patient with yourself and your wife.
Geesh, I swore to myself I'd stop responding to your posts....
Originally Posted By: cemar2
Should us guys also tell our wives that all communication must now be "Scheduled", that all quality time with the husbands must be "Scheduled". And then we should make it clear that we are only doing these things because the WIFE wants it and it is our "Duty" to perform these tedious marriage chores.
Yea, I bet they would just love this.
Actually CeMar....you'd be AMAZED how many women WOULD appreciate that (not if you throw in the sarcastic "tedious marriage chores" part). Honestly, in my marriage...we DO have to schedule time to talk, we DO have to schedule quality time...otherwise it doesn't happen as frequently as either of us would prefer. Not because I don't want it to or because he doesn't want it to either....but because we are BUSY people. We both work, we have a child, we have household chores to keep up with, we have friends that drop by, we have family, we have outside activities, etc, etc, etc.....oh yeah, and we have to sleep sometime too, not to mention grocery shop and all that other fun stuff.
Besides that who says ALL sex, ALL communication, ALL quality time must be schedule anyway???? By saying that YOU are the one leaving out any spontenaiety that might occur....because you are making your statement an absolute that all of it must be scheduled. By even stating it the way you did....YOU yourself have mentally removed the possibility of her doing what you want....being spontaneous.
Why in the name of whatever you hold dear are you so resistent to scheduling something good and healthy into your marriage? IT WORKS FOR THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE. When you get a schedule going for things like communication and quality time....eventually you don't need the schedule anymore because it becomes part of your everyday life. In my marriage (which BTW has IMPROVED DRASTICALLY) we schedule quality time, we schedule time to talk....somtimes it just so happens to be both at the same time (we like taking bubble baths together....and that's when we talk and also have some intimate time together.) This has become something we BOTH look forward to....my H even now suggests them.
CeMar...when you DO NOTHING, NOTHING HAPPENS....and you are still doing nothing.
GEL - Still not holding my breath that you will listen.
