oh and another thing, my H called me before I went out and told me that he wanted me to dress up real sexy and have a good time. and after he picked me up he was real interested in if any men had danced with me and what I did. He even made the comment that my shirt was a little too low and that meant that My **** must have been hanging out all nite! I laughed under my breath. I noted a little jealousy....I had asked him the day before how he would feel if he say me with another guy . He said he really didn't know. I am having a hard understanding this man.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
My husband and i were having sex for the first 3 months after seperation, he also said that he didnt know why he wanted to. I think that deep down it is because they still have feelings for us. However, in my situation it did not help me, i started to feel used because they was still no signs of him finishing it with OW. I also started to feel that i needed my husband to respect me more if we were going to have a relationship in the future. My husband now gives me hugs and kisses on the lips when he leaves after dropping D2 off, where as before there was no hugs and kisses just sex.
there are lots of people on this board who sit on either side of the fence when it comes to having sex with your WAS. I think it comes down to whether you are able to have sex with him and have zero expectations after, I could'nt. I always thought that it was making him want to come home, where in reality he was having his cake and eating it. In the end i told my husband that i had more respect for myself than that. For a while he distanced himself, but like i said recently he has started giving hugs and kisses on the lips.
Even now my husband gets jealous and is always asking me if i have met anyone. I dont know why they do this, after all they are the ones that left, supposedly to be with the love of thier life (yuck).
Only you know what is best for you in your stich. All i would say is proceed with caution, do not let your husband have his cake and eat it. I personally think that there are other ways to show your husband that you love him.
Nicky
Me 34 H 33 D3 together 10 years married 2 years Bomb 22/8/06 (I feel empty) OW involved
Thanks Nickyf for your reply. I am preceeding with caution. I feel like some of the tension is off of us now since we had sex. We were always uncomfortable around each other after he left. Now i feel like a wall has been taken down somewhat to where we are comfortable around each other. I don't know if sex will happen again, but I am here to be his friend and listen to him. It is hard to here him talk of OW, but if he feels comfortable doing that with me, it says alot to me about him, we have talked more about our feelings now than ever before. We are beginning to understand some things about ourselves than before. I know it may seem he is having his cake and eating it to. I don't dissagree, but sex was always an issue with us. I NEVER innisiated it at all and this seems to be a 180 for me. Even the going out and having a drink or 2 isn't something I would normally do and he knows that. BIG 180.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I was'nt trying to tell you what you are doing is wrong, please forgive me if it came accross that way. Only you know what is best for you and your situation. It is great that you are managing to accomplish some 180's for yourself.
Regarding the sex thing, i read somewhere that sometimes it can improve the situation, but if you continue to have sex and the situation stays the same (which was what was happening to mine), then you may need to rethink.
Nicky
Me 34 H 33 D3 together 10 years married 2 years Bomb 22/8/06 (I feel empty) OW involved
hi nicky, my H came over today to see kids, except he spent more time with me. He told me that he couldn't believe the changes he saw in me. He liked them but of course there is still the OW. He still talks like he is not coming home any time soon if at all. But we are making progress in things. He asked did I feel differently about him now compared to when he first lefted. I said I wasn't angry at him anymore and that I still had my moments.Like crying this morning because I couldn't find my hair brush!! I told him it wasn't easy leaving my home to see his truck parked at her house at the end of the street. It really sucks! He said "I know" in an i'm sorry sort of way. But I asked if he was still angry at me for the things I did to make him leave and he said he wasn't angry anymore. Hopefully this is good baby steps for me.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
