Sorry that I have not been able to update you all. I have been extremely busy with work (a good thing). I did ask her out but she was heading out of town last weekend for work. Apparently has worked the past three weekends, has this one off, and then works the following three.
We are going to get together on Sunday for at least dinner if not dinner and a movie. "I really would like to catch up" was her exact words. Not sure what there might be to catch up on since I just saw her a week ago or so but hey, will take what I can get.
This morning got a text from XW at 7am telling me that my future sister-in-law was on the local news. The station was doing a special on her job and she was on tv. From what I remember, she didn't even really like her so kind of suprised that she did that. But again, know it was a nice thing.
Will see what else happens after Sunday. Should be intersting. Debating how it all should end though. I am sure that the "do I kiss you or not" situation will come up again. Will play that one by ear.
And thank you for all of your responses. I completely understand that we should not have to guess what they are thinking. My XW personally believes (or at least did) that a partner should "know" what she is thinking. I have never subscribed to this theory and it is one that drives me nuts. I will never go that route again. Promise. That is why I ended my relationship with a woman I have been seeing for several months. That amoung other issues, including not being able to meet or attempt to meet my personal needs is the reasoning behind that.
Better to be happy, less stressed and richer than to be with someone where you have no idea where you stand, what they think and can't make up their mind.
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
So, went out to dinner with XW. Things went fine. Very plutonic but at one point she tells me how she really does nothing and goes to yoga class on Friday night to "have something to do" instead of sitting at home. Most Saturday nights, she sits a home and then visits her family on Sunday. Not really sure what she was after other than trying to get me to feel bad for her or something. At the end of the night, hug and a kiss on the cheek and told her that if she ever wanted to do something, to give me a call. We shall see.
What does everyone do with their XW for Valentine's Day? Do you send flowers?
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
Wondering how you are doing, haven't heard anything in a very long time. I hope that means that things are going so well for you that you are too busy to post an update.
Just thinking of you.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
I believe things are going well, although still confused is the best way to describe things. Thought I would pop on this site tonight after tonight actually to get people's input.
I think I have the most unusual situation....in that my XW and I are actually great friends. Actually, I would go as far as to say, best friends. I can talk with her about anything....no matter what it is. Very Very Similar to by best guy friend.
I have been "seeing someone" for about 8 months now and that is starting to fade since she has issues....too many to deal with as "us" if you will. I have told my XW about it.
Tonight, my XW and I actually had an appointment with out accountant. They schedule your meetings a year in advance and with our situation last year,....well, we had a join appt. We did that and have fun and then went to dinner.
Over dinner, we talked a bit about my R with "Sara", and XW actually said that I deserve more than I was getting. We had a great time! Really! Although I had a poker game that I had planned earlier, I made some further time to be with her and walk to get a cup of coffee.
We walked a ways, grabbed a cup and during our walk and talk, she mentioned how she was feeling less than perfect sinc
e she had not been asked out herself. She has not been out on a date since the divorce. Personally, I am not sure why, she looked absolutely incredible tonight! Actually, they way that I remember her when we first started dating 13 years ago.
I told her that she did look great and that if I were not with our past, I would totally take her home right now. Actually said that specifically! She laughed!
Again, we had such a great time that is scares me. With all of the pressure off of the relationship, I think some of those old feelings are starting to creep in for me. I have a big Banquet next weekend that I doubt that gal I have been seeing is going to make and asked XW if she would be my date in case. Her intial answer was isn't it going to be ackward and I said yes, but don't care, then gave an answer of going to be tired due to work that day. While I figure that might be the reason....not sure......also, not sure if she wants to play the backup date role.
Kissed her on the cheek goodbye.
So what do you do?? How do you deal with this situation? Where it seems as if you are so perfect for each other, however, the past baggage is there and is it possible to move forward????
Sorry for writing so long!
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
Why do you need to do anything? Right now you have zero expectations and things are going great. I predict the minute you 'expect' something to happen by trying to 'do' something, things will get worse.
Why not just go with the flow. Do 'friend' things together, like you would do with a guy friend. See what happens. If you feel those old 'feelings' returning then you can inch up to the next level to see if she is feeling them too.
From your words it appears the 'baggage' from the past will not be the problem - it will be the fear (both of you) of getting involved only to be burned again. So trust and respect must be built before you reach the level of love or sex.
Good job though. If my STBXW even smiles at me, I think it is a victory of sorts. A kiss on the cheek and discussing personal things? I can only wish!
Whatever you do, do not act on those feelings that are creeping up. You need to continue building on the friendship and waiting it out. She too must have those feelings if you don't want to be burned again.
You WILL be able to deal with the past baggage when the time is right. Both of you will have to commit to making it work and in doing so, you can deal with the baggage and yes, it will have to be discussed not just left in the past.
Just do not set any expectations. Take it slow. You're doing great.
Me: 49 - S22 & S26 H: 41 - No kids M: 10/00 Bomb New Year's Day 2006 H living w OW 01/07; have baby 12/07 D final 07/07 Thread #9 - Hope Lives On
I agree with all the rest of the advice here. Just relax and enjoy it. Just don't try to rush anything. Did the two of you ever have MC? If things progress do you think XW would consider MC to take care of the baggage.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
Thanks for your responses. I really do appreciate it. We did go through MC but I really don't think that she put a full effort into it on her part. She is still seeing her C, and has been for a while. Mine told me right after she filed that he didn't understand why I was still seeing him. He told me she was the one with the issues. He was also our MC too.
At times I think it would be easier not being able to talk about such personal things. The way our relationship is now, takes me back to when we were happily married. At times, I sit there and wonder why we are not still married. Kind of funny yet sad at the same time.
Oh well, like suggested, just going to go with the flow and see what happens.
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
