For the last two weeks, I have suspected something was wrong with my H. At first his stressed out, defeated voice made me think he was actually missing me and the kids. Last week we had exchanged a few borderline nasty e-mails, and a few abrupt phone calls. Then on Friday, I made up my mind that I had to just let some things go. I had been putting up a wall between us trying to prove to him that we can't be friends, and that he was not better off without us. It was exhausting, so I decided to meet him halfway.
Friday afternoon we had a short nice conversation on the phone. Nothing major, just a little small talk. Saturday we had another nice conversation. I felt free for the first time in months. Then everything came crashing down around me.
It started with a text Saturday night. "Are you going to be around tonight? Might need to talk" I said yes, "but it sounds ominous." Him, "yes, it's serious." I knew exactly what he was going to tell me. I said, "She's pregnant isn't she?" "Yes, she says so."
Wow!! I braced myself all last year for it, and it finally happened. Apparently back in February when they got together for no more than a week, she supposedly got pregnant. There are a lot of holes in her story, but my H is falling for it hook, line, and sinker. She said she didn't think anything of it, because she only has periods every other month. So she apparently hasn't had one since January, but realized just three weeks ago she might be pregnant.
She didn't want to "involve" my H yet, but thought he should know. Two weeks ago when she told him, she said she would take a test at the end of the week, because it would be more accurate then. If she got pregnant in mid February, a test would have been positive at least by the second week of March, but he bought her story. So last weekend, she supposedly took a test, and it was positive. My H wanted to be there for it, but she told him it was private. He said he needed proof, and she said she would send him the paperwork from the ultrasound she was supposedly going to have at the end of last week. She has been very defensive about him not believing her. She is upset that she won't trust him. He "doesn't want to hurt her." Too bad.
She gave him an ultimatum that he needed to commit to her or she would have an abortion, because she didn't want to raise another child by herself, "a child deserves two parents," and she didn't want my H to "just be a weekend dad". What does she think my kids have? Why don't my kids deserve two parents?
Anyway, she gave him until last night to make up his mind, she told him that he needed to commit because he wanted to, not because of the baby. Obviously when they broke up in February, he told her he didn't want to commit. Why does she think that he would commit now for any other reason than the baby?
So for my part in all of this, I have tried to be there for my H. Amazingly, I did not overreact to what he told me. We talked for several hours on Saturday night, and even met up in person to talk for a while. He has really opened up to me and let me in. He is so close to his breaking point with all of this. I told him that this might just be the thing that makes him realize once and for all what he wants out of life. He agreed. He said that if she isn't pregnant, then it would be the end of their relationship for sure, and if she was, he would probably try to work it out for the sake of the baby.
I advised him to find out if she was pregnant before he took another step. He agreed that he would ask her again to take a test in front of him, and planned on doing last night after work. I was a nervous wreck for two hours. Then I got a text from him saying that she did not take it well, still maintains she is pregnant, but refuses to take a test. She is going to fax him a doctor's report. He said they would talk when he gets it.
There are so many holes in her story for me to really put much faith in it. Maybe that is why I am still relatively calm about the whole thing. But obviously there is a chance she is telling the truth. It scares me. Our marriage is over, and he has filed for divorce, but I did have some hope for us. This takes that all away. I won't even get into the affect this will have on our children, I am trying not to think about that right now.
I guess until she provides proof that she is pregnant, she will hold us all hostage with this drama. Then either the OW will be permanently out of my H's life, or a permanent part of it.
Lael, I think this is every woman's fear in our situations. I am so sorry you find yourself in this position after all this time. It's a shame Hopefloats isn't around on the BB right now as she has gone through this exact same thing with her H. She would be able to give you some advice based on experience rather than what we think we might do in your shoes.
Take care
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
You can not expect him to see the futility in thinking he can make it work for the baby, even if there is one, and even if he really is the dad. How can he possible believe a R born of extortion can last if his last one born of L did not?
He did not get anyone preggers that did not "want" to be. He must know it was always her plan, her best hope of trapping him. And that is ALL he will ever be ... Trapped. If he hates his life now then why would he be considering SuperSizing his pain?
We all know why. He is sick. He is not himself. And what does he think he will tell her, or what does he think she will do ... the day he tells her he was never ILWHer? What will she do as he packs his bags one more time? How does he think that is going to make him feel. He can not find any book advocating or explaining how this is going to work out for the best. It never does. It will not. He is so lost and it is so sad.
Even more sad that she would risk bringing a child into the world that was not planned for, and welcomed with love. Delivery rooms see them every day. Family court sees them every year.
Peace of the Lord be with you as you are forced to watch this unfold. We pray for strength for you and wisdom to make your own life the best for yourself.
Thank you all for stopping by my thread. Your words bring me comfort. Was2, you always know exactly what to say.
It is probably one of the biggest fears we all face in this situation, because it brings a sense of permanency to the OW's relationship with our H's. It devalues what we had together. I feel so sorry for my kids, this affects them even more than me, because they will forever be tied to the OW as half siblings to her child. I just keep praying that this is a bluff.
She still has not provided my H with any proof. She has supposedly already seen a Dr, or is going to one this week. She said she will e-mail my H a copy of the results. I have warned him not to trust the results. There are so many ways she can falsify them. I don't think my H reacted to the news the way she expected, and now she is backed into a corner. I think she thought he would immediately believe her, and commit to her on the spot. I am guessing she assumed she could get pregnant later, or come up with some other excuse after she had trapped him. I am half expecting her to tell him that she miscarried this week, and blame it on the stress he caused her.
I just can't think about it being true. I can't go there yet.
Lis, I can't tell you how much your phone call meant to me last night. It was so good talking to you. You helped me so much. You are such a strong woman, with such a beautiful heart. I love you.
I can't believe how much my H has opened up to me during his crisis, and relied on me to help him. He has been sending me several e-mails a day, several texts, and at least one phone call. I know it is not my problem, and I am not trying to solve it for him, but I am trying to be there for him as a friend. If the OW is pregnant, I'm not sure what I will do, but for now, I will be his friend.
The latest drama with the OW, is that she was hospitalized on Monday. She supposedly had some kind of infection. She is being released today. I'm not sure what kind of an infection kept her in the hospital for three days. She was admitted. My H knows that much because he called and checked, but whether or not she was there that long, is her story. That's three more days with no proof.
My H sent her a text this morning asking her if he could come visit her in the hospital, and talk to the doctors, but she said she would have him thrown out if he did, always a lady, she told him to F off, and stay out of her life.
This afternoon, she sent him a text saying that she was being released today, and would send him paperwork tomorrow proving pregnancy. But that he would have to wait until the baby was born for a paternity test since his "female expert on her cycles," would be demanding that BS from her next. My H has poked holes in her story with some information I have provided him with. Apparently it hasn't made her too happy. I am guessing she has a pretty good idea it's me.
As far as my H goes, he seems to be getting really fed up with her run around. I am still a little worried that she might actually be pregnant, but he seems more confidant by the day. He is tired of asking for proof, and getting nothing. For a woman who wants him to commit to her, and raise the baby with her, she is going about it the wrong way. Maybe it's the year of DBing, but going into hysterics doesn't get you very far in a relationship. All she would have had to do, is pee on a stick and my H would have committed to her on the spot whether he wanted to or not. She blew it.
So the drama continues. At least it's making me see how much better off I am without him.
