Something comes to mind...knew a very successful, handsome man who remarried a woman...both in their late 40's...and he was crazy about her "big legs". She had self-confidence, carried herself well, very attractive, was totally crazy about him. I just remember him sitting looking at her with adournment and saying "I love those big legs" and she just giggled. They have been married now for 25 years...
I am generally HD, but I think back to the 1st time that I almost got married. We were together for 5 years and generally had a good relationship. At the time I was very into working out and eating right, she wasn't. She was a beautiful woman, but she started gaining weight at the beginning of our relationship and never stopped. It was almost like my desire to be physically fit caused her to want to go the other way and be the opposite of me. After a couple of years and 30 pounds, I was no longer attracted to her. I tried to tactfully let her know that she needed to lose weight, but it just pissed her off. So I withdrew from her sexually. I remember that she tried putting on makeup, wearing sexy clothes, new perfumes etc etc etc to try to get me interested again. At the time it just pissed me off, and it pissed her off that I was being 'superficial'. Bottom line- the issue eventually divided us enough to split us up. The point is that for some reason, men are supposed to subvert our chemical desires in the looks department. It's become completely politically incorrect to complain about weight and things of that nature. It's not fair, because if I were to quit my job and decide to become a bum, I wouldn't be able to use the "you should love me as I am" defense. It's a weird double standard that doesn't stand up to reality.
Funny - the few clothes that H has purchased have been empire waist/no shape dresses. I don't think he found them sexy. He just thought they looked comfortable. I know he used to like my jeans but basically, he seems to have no understanding of what clothing he is actually attracted to. The one time I did see him actually ogle a young lady who was crossing the street she was wearing tight jeans, layered tank tops and a cool belt - she was also 22 or so. He likes a couple of tight t-shirts I have - the kind that come from Banana Republic not the ones with logos. Other than that it is hard to tell. The few things he has seemed to like are just random things - nothing that is any big deal. Oh yeah, he also likes one of my very conservative navy business suits. Strange.
I was thinking it was kind of rude of me to tell you on the other thread that you shouldn't want to get a boob job. I don't need a boob job but if Cobra were to give me some money to get plastic surgery I would want to get a nose job and botox some incipient forehead wrinkles. Most of the other things wrong with my looks could be fixed with more time at the gym or couldn't be fixed surgically (For instance there's not much that can be done about the fact that my legs are too short for my body.). The reason I would want to get a nose job is that I kind of look like the spawn of Loni Anderson and Leonid Breshnev and the nose job would put me more in the Loni category.
If you do get a boob job I think you need to ask the doctor "What are you going to do to prevent the appearance of 'dead space" between my new breasts?". IMO, that is the #1 thing that makes breast implants look fake.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I wanted to respond to your post because I used to dysfunction very much like your ex-girlfriend except that I had the very good excuse (not )of "Hey, I put on the 30 lbs. having your kids. Cut me some slack.". Anyway, like most situations it was one where you were both in the wrong. The error of your GF's ways is obvious to both of us. Maybe if I can show you the error of your way in that situation it will help you with whatever situation you are in now.
Consider first what happened to your GF after you broke up. I suppose that there is a small chance that she is still living alone with her cookies but probably either A) She found a guy who likes a lot of cookies a lot too who did want to f*ck her at her higher weight or B) She lost the weight after the two of you broke up. If the answer is A) then it's a pretty simple case of incompatibility and lack of shared values and it's a good thing the two of you didn't get married. If the answer is B) then the question you might want to ask yourself in a similar situation is "Why would a woman find eating cookies more emotionally soothing than being in a relationship with me?". The exact same behavior that would cause one woman to start munching on the cookies will cause another woman to shut down sexually, so this could be relevant to your current situation if you are the HD spouse.
Also, consider the following. Let's say for the purposes of my illustration your GF was 5'5" 125 at the start of your relationship and 155 at the end. Okay, a while after you break up with her you're out at the bar or on the internet looking for someone new. Two women are looking at you like they might be interested. One is 30 lbs slimmer than the other. Because you are "chemically" attracted to slimmer women, you would choose the slimmer one, right? However, part of what you said is that you highly value healthy living and physical fitness. What if you discovered that the slimmer woman maintained her weight by smoking and drinking to excess? Would she still be a good candidate for a long term relationship? Would she lose some of her "chemical" attraction? What if you met a woman who was 5'5" and weighed 150 lbs. but worked out a lot, enjoyed physical activities, had a muscular, well-toned body and was a gourmet health food chef? Would the simple fact of her "size" still be a huge turn-off? I think that your GFs lack of respect for your values had as much to do with your LD for her as her weight gain.
I think the same thing is true when it comes to the double-standard you mentioned for men. For instance, women frequently want to f*ck starving artist types. It's the lack of initiative or confidence or ambition that turns them off to men who are "bums", not necessarily the lack of money.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
If you do get a boob job I think you need to ask the doctor "What are you going to do to prevent the appearance of 'dead space" between my new breasts?". IMO, that is the #1 thing that makes breast implants look fake.
A breast augmentation simply takes whatever god gave you and makes it bigger. A doctor has little control on the innumerable asymetry differences.
They dont improve your health, like say a hernia repair or possible a rhinoplasty. The do prevent effective mammograms. They will have to be replaced or removed at some future date. are they going to be submuscular? any scarring will make them hard as rocks. are they under the breast? eventually the weight will stretch the skin so at some point your nipples will be staring skyward. <everyone looks up> I would do everything I could to talk my SO out of getting them too. I know when I see them I assume the woman who has them is a 'professional' of some type, and assume her validation needs far outstirp my desire of putting in the energys to try and provide it.
Afterall we can only have one high maintenance person in the R.
still if she insisted and she had a couple kids, I would acquiese, with the condition of her wearing a chastity bra whenever out of my sight. for some reason women are always wanting to show off their store bought knockers.
However, part of what you said is that you highly value healthy living and physical fitness. What if you discovered that the slimmer woman maintained her weight by smoking and drinking to excess? Have you been spying on me? Id make her chew gum and take advantage of her inebriation for my selfish cravings.
Would she still be a good candidate for a long term relationship? No
Would she lose some of her "chemical" attraction? NO
Quote: Would she lose some of her "chemical" attraction? NO
LOL- Okay, okay but you would sort of wish it worked that way, right? For instance, the female equivalent would be that I think Dick Cheney is kind of sexy but I would not admit it anywhere except on this BB. OTOH, I used to think that Mel Gibson was sexy but now I don't because I think he's insane.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Had to laugh. Attraction is a funny thing isn't it? FWIW - I knew a young woman who was a very serious athlete and bought some fake ones. She only had them make into B's, very modest. They looked great, her clothes fit better and she just blossomed. She was already drop dead gorgeous, a high school cheerleader etc... Before the implants all the neighbor guys would call each other on the phone and say "S is washing her car in her bikini today." After the surgery I think most didn't even realize she had it. They still looked forward to car washing on the weekends.
Your points about the health risks are well taken. Your points about the reality of having to replace them and even additional unforseen cosmetic and "feel" issues are too. The things that have kept me from it are (a)$$, (b)time, (c)lack of support from H, (c)my love of breastfeeding my babies, I wouldn't do it until I was sure I was done with that and (d)the need to more thorougly research the health risks and decide if it is really worth it to me. Those are in no particular order as one reason can trump the other on any given day. Part of my interest in it is a semi-wicked desire to see what H would do if I were sporting a major rack. Would he still be avoidant? Would he quit seeing me as the kind of woman you would buy the "seasonal" sweater for - you know the cardigans with embroidered hearts for Valentines Day, bunnies for Easter etc... I kid you not, H has looked at these and then peered at me to see if I showed any interest. I don't think that if I had some home improvements made I would feel the need to display them to everyone on the street but I know watcha mean about that.
Quote: For instance, the female equivalent would be that I think Dick Cheney is kind of sexy but I would not admit it anywhere except on this BB. OTOH, I used to think that Mel Gibson was sexy but now I don't because I think he's insane.
)of "Hey, I put on the 30 lbs. having your kids. Cut me some slack.". Anyway, like most situations it was one where you were both in the wrong. The error of your GF's ways is obvious to both of us. Maybe if I can show you the error of your way in that situation it will help you with whatever situation you are in now.
for some reason women are always wanting to show off their store bought knockers. 