Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again Some Advice Needed Please :)

Heywyre,
I understand what you are saying and everyone's sitch is different.

I am terribly sorry if your Husband was insincere with you and his words meant nothing.

But for F&G's Husband to send her that card it was a really big deal and I am thrilled for her!!

f&g has seen wonderful changes in her Husband and she knows her Husband better then anyone else.

I have personally followed her sitch and can tell you that this man put her through hell, BUT he has since repented and is becoming the Husband she prayed for.

If she feels that his efforts are sincere and that he is really trying to make the changes required of him to make their marriage work, then we need to be encouraging.

I am sorry if my posting came across as being negative or uncaring. All I was trying to say was actions speak louder than words.

My H gave me lots of cards too, and basically I knew he meant what they said. However, it is his actions that are helping me/us recover, not the material things.

Sorry if I offended you - I never meant it to come across that way

Heywyre,
I understand that you did not mean to be negative.
it also sounds from your posts that you are still having a difficult time in the "trust" area which is totally understandable.

Maybe it is time to stop worrying over the past and finally let it go.

You say your Husband is doing things to make you feel better, it is his actions that are helping you to heal.

Over time if you begin to let the past remain in the past you will feel as though you can truly have the relationship you want and deserve with your Husband.

I know at times those thoughts come back into our head and we can either choose to run with it and cause ourselves great anxiety OR we can choose to overcome them and allow ourselves to feel the love our Husband is trying to give us.

Have a great weekend.

As much as we are in the same "boat" we are all very different in our sitch's. No two people, or couples, are alike and everyone handles things differently.

In my sitch my H had 2 A's - both with escorts (long term) so the emotions etc that I am dealing with are quite different from a lot of others on this site. However, the pain, hurt etc. doesn't change. It is devastating to say the least. However, I do know that he didn't kiss her, nor did she lay in his arms while he told her he loved her - he claims that didn't happen and I believe him. With regard to the sex - it was strictly a physical release on his part - especially when you are paying someone. However, that doesn't mean there wasn't an emotional connection. He has always been a compassionate person - feeling sorry for the down and outers. He helped a lot of prostitutes when he lived up north, while he was driving taxi in his younger days. He didn't get involved with them physically at that time but always had compassion for them when they would get themselves into a bad situation. Its very complicated but I know a lot of his issues are because of him being adopted, and not finding out until he was 55 years of age. There were lots of other things - i.e. depression, etc. but we are trying to work through all those things one day at a time.

In the meantime, I still love him more than anyone else in this whole world. He is my friend, first and foremost, and I won't abandon him - we are trying to build from there. I know it will be a longhaul but together we can get through this.

Having him tell the C the other day that I was a "very strong woman" and was "rising above" all the pain and hurt he had put me through made me feel pretty good.

He is making an effort like never before so I am optimistic (although not totally blind-sided) to the fact he is trying to make a go of it. I can't really ask for more than that.

thanks for understanding - we need to stick together