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OK if I make it through tonight then 2 weeks with out a melt down from me (the pathetic crying screaming I can't do this kind). Of course the fact that he has been away for a few days may be helpful...Last night he told me to go ahead and book a family vacation for the kids' spring break. So today I have the anxious will he drop another bomb pit of my stomach feeling. No good reason, it's just there.

OK I need to remember that it's only been 2 weeks, I need to take a deep breath and focus on the positives

sj,

The "what ifs" are terrible. Instead, focus on "go ahead and book a FAMILY vacation..." That is great!!

Remember to keep all of this in perspective. We all tend to wear our emotions on our sleeves during these difficult times. Be supportive of the idea, validate his thought process of family fun and then continue to act how you have. Non confrontational.

What you are doing is working. Sit down and write down what you believe these things are. Whe you have moments of uncertainty, visit the list. These are ALL things YOU did to turn him around. Review the list and get back on track.

This is a continuous work in progress, focus on the prize and stay patient.

Steve

More positives, H called me when he landed back here last pm and this morning called to ask if I would help him bring car to shop then take him to work. He's going to get a ride to his "home" and then come here.
My negative, I have a hard time talking to him, so afraid I'll say something wrong...I brought up a babysitter this weekend and he didn't say anything...maybe he is planning on taking the kids.
Ok positive thoughts he is planning on being here this weekend with the family

sj,

Another thing to keep a handle on is expectations. Keep them very low if they involve your H. An expectation YOU have of him will give you your hardest time if they don't transpire.

Move forward with life and include your H as you see fit. Invite him as you would any of your friends. If a friend declined your invite, would it ruin your day? Think of the offer to your H in the same way. If he accepts, great, if he declines, that is OK too. And above all, FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THE EVENT. This is part of you moving forward and detaching. Show him you are fun even if he isn't in attendance. Just realize he may not be at the same commitment level as you are at the moment.

All these things create mystery. He may not join you, but I garuantee he will be thinking about it. When he inquires, state what a great time you had. Include the kids as much as possible in your plans. Even things as simple as the park, snowball fights, sliding, skating can all leave a sense of wanting from him. Just go and have fun and let him know little bits and pieces.

Also, as he draws closer, let HIM ask about the R. Let him bring it up, on his terms. Keep doing what works.

This can be a long road. Stay patient.

Steve

Good for me again. Today had to have a couple of phone calls and acted upbeat both times. He had the kids this afternoon and I met them for dinner and we had fun. When we said goodbye I did say this was fun. We are going to a concert tomorrow night. He is going to take the kids to his parents Sat pm and I am going to go to a party. Tonight my act as if was that I thought as if he was just a guy I was dating and so there was no emotional baggage and it worked.

Stick with what works!!!!!

Good DBing, sj!

but then later I got so depressed and tired of all this. I just cried myself to sleep. I just keep thinking that it is too late and I can't take it any more. Part of me wants to take the easy way out and D and get it over with...

A question;

Of all of the wonderful and most fulfilling things in life, which ones come with hardly any effort?

Just because this is difficult, does that make it, not worth the effort?

Your getting to the true meaning of DBing. Care to take a stab at what it is?

Tell us what parts of this give you the most difficulty. Detaching, acting "as if", GAL?

In a back to basics effort, what are your goals? Post some here and let us have a look.

I'll check back.

Remember, patience by the boatload!!!

Steve

The most difficult part of db is patience I want it better now. I don't want to be in this pain any more I don't want to live in limbo land any more. But I am doing it and things are getting better and I know that's what I need to focus on not the rate of the change. One month ago he told me that I had to realize that our marriage was over that he was moving on with his life and I should do the same. Last night we went to dinner a concert and he spent the night here. He put his arms around me and it felt genuine. So that's what I must focus on. He told me tonight was his night off and that hurt but I bit my tongue....