Jesus, I forgot the whole half of the tale that was relevant to this forum.
We got to talking about the guy I am dating.
And the shrink told me in no uncertain terms I was 'castrating,' him.
I said.... "huh?!" WFT do you MEAN?
K. Historically... I have been a woman exploited, yadda, yadda. We all know the story.
I had no idea I was doing this.
I keep my man... from being a man... simply because I am unwilling to trust him.
Not with sex, per se, because, I am proud to say, I have gotten beyond that (yeah me!!)
But because... I just simply am unwilling to trust him, or any man, with my vulnerability. No news flash to anyone here. But... he was able to give me concrete examples.
For example... me unwilling to give up my freelance career, even thoughh it would be to my determiment, so I don't have to give up my flexibility of time to go see him.
That is detrimental to MY well being. But he assures me, that if this man truly loves me, he would understand... and if he loved me, would find a way to be with ME.
No. No. No. No. Really? No.
Yes, he says. A man in love will move mountains for the woman he loves.
No.
Yes. He would.
No, I can hardly believe it.
No man who loves you would ever ask for you to give up your well being for his own.
No.
Yes.
Really?
Absolutely. And by you not allowing him to find his way to you, if it is in him, you are castrating him of his manhood.
Get the fck out of town.
Yes. You are. You really are. How do you think that makes HIM feel, you not trusting him to take care of it?
Uhhhhhh..... deer in the headlights look. Uhhhh....... Corri is stumped for the first time in her life.... Uhhh......
My friend is good at being funny/sarcastic....saying hey, can you come over to his friends (he's not a whiner), going to a support group....stuff like that
If anyone can get thru...he can...kinda like you
yet you wonder how much stuff can one person take...
So...your shrink would agree with a lot that deida or proponents of strong manhood would....and if your guy is that kind....it is probably true.........and I love all that
But...if your guy is different.....the scenario could be different....
Corri, you have a good....actually great...mind. Let it be your filter.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
Get near some people who can support you...find a different job and/or get a different house. It's just a frickin house and you have the intelligence and creativity to create beauty wherever you go..............and if you just take care of yourself......that gives your children .... and i'm not just spewin' kaka.........it gives your children infinitely more than anything else...
I have teenagers, one practically grown........I ran myself dry like you are doing.......and my oldest one didn't have me as an example to learn how to take care of herself....so she doesn't...it's different now...
But putting yourself first as far as care is soooo incredibly important.
Your shrink is good.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
Quote: ------------------------------------------------------ Guys? What do you think? ------------------------------------------------------
I think he is dead on.
Ask yourself this; Am I really just scared that he will abandon me if I am too much trouble? Am I scared to find out if I am worthy of his love?
Don't do his work for him. Let go and find out what he is made of.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Haven’t you been listening to us men? Your shrink is not saying anything different than what we’ve been saying. I’m starting to think that you, my wife, and so many other women on this board do the same thing – you are all protecting yourself from having your feelings hurt by a man, so you find ways to put up all kinds of obstacles that will trip him up, that really test his mettle to hang in there and prove beyond any doubt that he will always and forever stand by you and be devoted to you now matter what you decide to do or how you decide to treat him. What you are looking for is a rock solid guarantee. By the time you decide that poor man might actually pass your test, he’s already come to his senses, read the writing on the wall, and gone his own way.
I can totally empathize with why you do this and feel as you do. But at the end of the day, all this will get you is your own self fulfilling prophecy of being alone, just what you’re now complaining about. You probably have gained his respect, which I know is a major hot button for you, but at what price? Is respect really what you want or is that just a way to avoid admitting that what you really want is to be loved and that you are scared to have your feelings hurt? Maybe your recent anxiety attack is because you are running out of things to worry about, that there are no more battles to fight, or struggles to gain respect. Maybe now you have to confront that fact that you have gained what you always thought you wanted, only to find that you still have nothing, that what is really important is to know that all the self confidence, self reliance, self respect your have worked for all these years is just so you can sit back, trust, and stop fighting.
You have been fighting external and internal fights all your life. Maybe you found a sense of purpose, a sense of energy from being in the fight. Now that you have no one or nothing left to fight with, you feel lost? I agree with your shrink. I don’t think you are sick or unhealthy. You just need to sit back and enjoy the fruits of your fighting and come to the realization that you don’t have to fight anymore, and that is ok, just like scgtxok said.
Corri
I have not felt to move mountains in years but I recall nothing was too great to please the one I loved in the past. A man in love will spend his
Last dime
Last bit of energy
all his pride
to woo his potential mate.
Trust me on this. Mountians ain't crap. It's a fun emotion and should be enjoyed by both while it lasts. Logic does not apply. Hope you get some.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
No, I've been listening to you guys, seriously. That is why my Shrink's comments hit home so hard. And I thought, fck, here I go again. It's one thing to talk theory, and another thing to get nailed with it in real life.
And you are all absolutely right... y'all have been drilling me on this forever... and we all know how much I just hate admitting that I am not perfect.
The bf and I have talked about our sitch... and just yesterday, before I went to see the shrink, he told me that "I have to do what I have to do to make sure me and the kids are stable." He's willing to help me out if I need help.
He isn't the problem. I am.
But. I have all of you wonderful people to encourage me and help me find my faith and courage. God, this is scarier than fixing my LDness.
Nop, you lovely man, thank you for coming out of SSM Board Retirement to give me a nudge. Thank you all, really.
Cobra, I hear you. Jesus, I think I might have to give up the Honors of being the wielder of the Pointy Witch Shoes.
I shall prevail, simply because I am such a stubborn beoch.
I am chiming in a little late, but here goes any way. Stress tends to be cumulative, you have been through a lot lately in the last few years anyway, and even so whatever happened at the lawyers office was not that big of a deal it was essentially the straw that broke the camels back. Was it not? You said to all of us after you were divorced what would you have done differently in your marriage? You said do more, expect less. Can not the same be applied to you in your current situation? Do more for yourself to nurture yourself, take care of yourself do whatever you need to do to feel good about yourself. And as well expect less, sure hang onto your goals and ambitions, but just for right now don't expect perfection, give yourself a break just every now and again and remember to pat yourself on the back for the small achievements you make each day.
Do more and expect less. Well... yes, that was my very thought on my first day of "Let's Get Corri Healthy and Happy" plan.
So I get a call on my first day at it... and my father had a second heart attack and was back in the hospital. Kind of put a crimp in my 'get happy and healthy' plans.
On top of that, we get hit with this frickin' awful snow storm, and here I am, driving to Cleveland at 40 m.p.h., doing my deep breathing exercises. My dad is okay folks, not to worry. And my brother and I only came across the table at each other once during dinner. All in all, a banner day.
My dad is 74 years old, and my siblings and I have the monumental task of telling him he can no longer work, and that his life, as he knows it, is over. Stubborn old coot won't take help from anyone (hmmm... wonder where I get it. Not until today did I realize what a monumental pain in the ass I have been for not taking help. Lesson learned. I'm a friggin' charity case, starting today).
I'm venting. My brother is a fcking azzhole. Hasn't given a crappola about my dad for the last... 20 years, now, it all has to be done HIS way. So, on the brink of me jumping into the sh@!tola with him over it... I backed away and said... "Okay, fine. We'll do it your way. You take make the decisions, you take care of him, you get him out of here. Okay. Okay. Cool. I'm going home on Friday. You'll need to be back up here this weekend to make arrangements for him."
And he says to me, "No, you will do things this way, and that way. You will take him here this weekend."
"I'm sorry, I can't."
Him: "There's no sorry. You will do this."
ME: "I am perfectly willing to help. Can't do it your way on your timetable. If it has to be done your way on your timetable, there's you and our younger sister to pick up the slack."
It goes on and on, with the sweetest, most loving/degrading threats from a brother I just haven't heard in SOOO long.
Well. Pray for me, y'all. My recent life has just reached the point of ironic hilarity.
It's one thing to talk theory, and another thing to get nailed with it in real life.