Another point to bear in mind is that many of us are actually trying to get back to he person we were when we met our spouse. Change is certainly possible, because we've ALREADY changed! The everyday complacancies, lack of appreciating your spouse or spending time together, not making an effort for them. These are things we once did, so certainly we can do them again.
You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him discover it in himself. Galileo Galilei
I wonder if this OW knows that the wife is perhaps posting here and is just trying to get to her.
It is very sad.
After reading the OW website, these women think that they truly have found Mr. Right and that they will live in eternal happiness with their married men.
Even on their website it stated that the majority if Married men return to their Wives. They continually lie to their OW just to keep them hanging on eventually leave them to go back to their lives and their family.
It is very sad that some of these OW are intellectually smart, educated and yet really naive. They honestly believe that the Married man is telling the truth and is willing to permanently sacrifice his family for a piece of arse.
I wouldn't want to be second best.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
I go on TOW site from time to time, just to understand the other side. My overall impression is one of seediness and selfishness.
It is interesting how some people who have been cheated on decide it's ok and natural to go out and cheat on other people or be the OP. After what has happened to me I would NEVER do that to someone else. I would run a million miles before I got involved with a married man.
You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him discover it in himself. Galileo Galilei
Quote: First of all, I am NOT the cause of someone's pain, her husband is. I didn't marry her, he did. Sometimes friendships turn into something else you you can't help who you fall in love with.
Wow, what a nice way to duck out on all personal responsibility. Have you ever heard of choice? You made a choice....things like extramarital affairs don't "just happen" they happen out of CHOICES.
Quote: Not everyone who wants to end their marriage is "BAD" sometimes people have to take responsibility in their part of the demise of a relationship.
And you need to accept your role as well. A decent person would step away until the current R (theirs) is resolved.
Quote: Once you cheat on your spouse, the purity is gone, you can never say I've been faithful.
What makes you delusional enough to think he will be different with you? You're absolutely right, the purity is gone...and your R with him has never had any.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
Quote: You know what, that was probably the most intelligent, although not 100% accurate, response I've had. However, children should not be used as a weapon. I don't believe anyone over 40 hasn't cheated on someone, and I don't think people are honest about their track records either.
Just because you think something does not make it true. I will be 42 next year and I have never cheated. I could have cheated but I made a conscious CHOICE not to. I accept that I am responsible for my actions and do not buy into the "it just happens" line of crap that cheaters like to spew. You made a CHOICE and you will live with the consequences.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
I am just reading this whole thing with jaw dropped! I also think she was trying to get to the W of this guy through this board. She knows that the W reads DB, and there is a likelihood of her being on these BBs as well.
It is interesting that these OWs do tend to be intelligent, cool, just-one-of-the-guys type of people. And they believe they've found a soul mate in these married guys. They believe that they can be the cool, fun person on the side who "frees" the man from his dull M and his demanding and un-cool, un-fun W. They think they have it all over us. NOT TRUE! We just happen to be the ones at home keeping the family together and being responsible adults. no shame in that.
And it's true, we are trying to get back to the person we were when we started dating our spouses. That is not chainging our personalities. That is simply trying to find that inner person within us that used to exist before things like kids and mortgages came into the picture.
Just because someone is cheated on doesn't give them the right to partake in ending someone else's M. No she is not the whole problem, but she adds significant fuel to the fire. Oh yeah, true love, right. NOT! It's called infatuatation and it's an escape from real life.
Too bad thsi guy is lying to his W. But if he really wanted out, he'd be out. He he wanted to end his M and live happily ever after with this OW, then he would have done that already. He woulnd' stay in a M just to spare his W's feelings. That's not hwo it works.
Whatever... I don't know what this OW was tryign to accomplish here. I mean, did she expect us to give her advice on how to get her married boyfriend to tell his W the truth so that she could finally have him all to herself? GET REAL!
Maybe he should have been a man and grow B*lls and got a divorce first. If he was so unhappy that is what should have happened. My H said I pushed him to the OW. Wrong! He chose to do it. Only thought about his feelings and not anyone elses. He said he pursued her and I shouldnt blame her. Wrong again. She should have stayed away until he was single. But people that like think about theirselves also.
Saying he "pushed" you to the OW might have some merit but he didn't have to take the leap.
We are all responsible, in one way or the other, for the "makings" of an A - that doesn't mean that I condone what my H did one little bit. But, looking back, I can see where there were times I could have done something differently, been a little kinder etc. Once again, I am NOT letting him off the hook. If there were problems, he should have been a man about it and come to me to work things through. Instead he chose to take the scummy, easy way out (initially - when the bomb hits it isn't so easy anymore)
I have always been of the opinion - you don't like the relationship you are in? Either fix it or get out before you involve yourself in another one because you are complicating a lot of lives other than just your own
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
