Tom, sorry I didn't quite get the PA reference until now. I have absolutely no idea what those two maniacs (W and OP) are up to, physical or otherwise. Once she asked to stay at OP's house and I said "the thought of you two together makes me sick to my stomach" and she was quite offended that I would think they were doing that. But, when I asked whether they had gone beyond being emotionally attached, she said "yes", I went no further. So what those two do is their business, I make no inquiries into anything to do with their R, but two grown woman going away to the love Capital and sharing a room spells getting it on to me! But, what do I really know anyway Hope that was what you were asking. PS I hope the Akron jokes weren't too mean, if YOU live there it must be a great place cuz people make the place!
Maybe I'm projecting my sitch onto yours a bit, but we always seemed to be in synch to some degree or another. It seems to me that you are observing your wife and her actions from a distance. What are you doing to connect with her? I know you're doing the BR dancing and other activities, but I get this defensive position from you. You seem to react to your wife saying things to or about you with an attitude of "she's nuts" or some other judgement that puts her into a subordinate position to the one you veiw yourself in. I wonder what might happen if you examine your need to be defensive and looked to connect rather than defend yourself in these situations. I think you will find that by focusing on connecting rather than looking to understand her the way you are now you will both have a better experience in interacting. There will be a relationship worth saving.
My $0.02 from where I sit.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
Oh.. it is Akron.... it is what it is ! Much better than the U.S. side of the Falls btw..ugh ! Never understood why they dont spruce that up a bit ?!
What would happen if you pulled a total 180 on your opinion about "Sally" and w ? What if you acted ok about it and even .. sort of encouraged it ? or acted like you accepted the sitch ?
Like what...invite Auntie to dinner? No way, Jose, that is plain nuts - however, Muddle does have a point. I don't think Whatis is defensive towards his W at all - I do think he tolerates her...but, he has an appt. Thursday to find other ways to break this "Auntie Bond".
I was just wondering what would happen if he acted "ok" about his wife and her girlfriend ?
Would it reduce the tension.. would she open up to him ? Maybe she has some issues with herself that she might be struggling with ?
Hell.. I dont know..?? For all any of us know their r is just a girl/woman thing/issue ?
Then again.. maybe she has discovered something in "herself"...
This is a family, 1210. Much easier when you have no kids . As a father you want to stay in your famiy role for them.. and you sacrifice everything else.
I do know that his sitch needs a flip of some kind !?
Yes, this sitch does need to turn. Do you mean that maybe his W thinks she is a L? After two kids...? Is that a possibility? I think it's more emotional, with maybe, a few curiosities...
Muddle, your point is worth thinking about. Often my tone here is one I reserve for here. It may give the wrong impression of how I view my W and our R. There are many good things in our R and how I connect with her, again, is worthy of some consideration. Much of the time she doesn't allow connection. That rare laugh we shared at BR dance last night caught me off guard, it felt really nice...we were connected but she pushes that away most of the time. I don't push re connecting with her too much cuz it gets discouraging and I think I've basically stopped right now. I am pleasant and approachable but I'm kind of sick of getting brushed aside, it's frustrating, so I don't give her the opportunity much. When you try to share something in your life and this person grunts and walks away, well, that says "I'm not interested in your life". As 1210 says this is why I have decided to see the SF counsellor because there may be things I can do that I am just overlooking. I also get angry when I see the person I love driving herself into depression, she knows that is what is happening but doing it anyway. She does nothing about it except let OP soothe her emotional needs, that's apparently her job! So, I guess, I let it out here. Anyway, next week is my first session and we'll see how it goes. Oh 1210, Auntie is Chinese too, surprise!
Who knows ? Not saying that.. but I have seen that happen btw.. after 5 kids !?
I dont know his W but I think this same old same old stuff is really wearing on him.. It would on me ! I would do something to change things a bit .. or shake them up for myself.. but that is me. So.. if she is chinese also.. then it could be cultural issue as well.. who knows ?.. I have been puzzled by this situation and am just attempting to offer a view point.
You arent' alone 1210! Well, I had to really stuff it down tonight. W came home in a pissy mood then told me she was going out to get something. When she returned she seemed a little perkier, she told me she bought me something for lunch tomorrow too. I thanked her. I then thought I should pass on something that happened to my brother today. I told her that he had been suspended from work, was walked out of the building ...Her response was NOTHING. I waited for a "what happened?" NOTHING. I felt angry and held back the snarky comment that was forming on my lips and left the room. I helped D with homework. I thought about asking W what was wrong but then decided not to. Whenever I do I get "I don't need counselling" or "don't bother me" or "I'm fine, I don't need your help". After kids went to bed I came down to the computer, she came after me and asked if I would like to finish the story about my brother. I proceeded to fill in the sad details and told her I had encouraged him to call me anytime for anything he needed. She sighed and stood up, I asked "is there anything YOU need right now? Can I do anything to help out?" Well, I got a big irritated sigh "whenever you say that I feel like I'm talking to a social worker" I said " Well, I just want you to know I'm here for you if you need anything" she said "I'm tired and too many things are happening" and she walked away. Guess I should have stuck to not bothering.
Now as far as is she a L. I asked her that once when she announced her A. She said that she didn't know what she was, that it was just something that happened between two people and she didn't want to label it. I think it's mainly an emotional bond between two very needy people. Both have plugged into the needy part of the other and can't let go. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
P.S. Tom you are absolutely right. As a Dad I will do anything to stay in my father role, you will exist in Hell to do that. My D's are the most precious things (I hate to call them things) in my life right now. When I drop D9 at gymnastics she always says "You are the best daddy in the whole wide world and I love you forever and ever" then she throws me a kiss and in front of everyone yells "I love you, drive safely" What more is there to say?
Hope that was what you were asking.
Much better than the U.S. side of the Falls btw..ugh ! Never understood why they dont spruce that up a bit ?!