I think we just had a breakthrough in our piecing. My wife just deposited her whole paycheck into our joint account. This would have been the check that she would pay to rent her apartment for February with. Since she deposited in our account, instead of keeping it for rent, I can only assume that she is not paying rent. In true DB priciple, I have not mentioned anything about the apartment to her for weeks, and she has not said anything either. She has not spent one night away from me since this all happened. She has been happy, relaxed, and fun to be with, and now, it seems she has taken another step to commit to our marriage, by letting the apartment she has been renting since October, go without ever staying there. I am very very happy about this.
Last night we went to our MC for seperate sessions, followed by a joint session. I went first, and spoke of all of the positive things that have been happening, and how good I feel about the relationship. My wife went second. At the end, we were together. Basically the MC said that she wanted to continue the seperate sessions because I have decided to work on our marriage, and my wife had not decided to work on the marriage yet. I was shocked, speechless and could not even write down the appointment time for the next session in two weeks. When we got home, (we came in seperate cars) I asked my wife what that meant. I thought we were both committed to working on our marriage. She said that the MC made it sound much worse then it is. What she says that she told the MC was that right now, she is committed to working on building a new relationship with me from the ground up. Free from all of the baggage from our past. She said that it was going very well. She is enjoying our time together, and is starting to be my friend again. She said the MC was pushing her to say when she feels she would be ready to have a physical relationship again. She said that she told the MC, that she was not ready to talk about that yet,and was committed to this new relationship building, and until that was finished, she was not ready to even think about the other things. I don't know, but I believe the MC said what she said, because she knew that I would not be able to let it go, and we would talk about things when we got home. We certainly did. My wife told me that she wants to get to the point where we are working on our marriage together. She feels that our relationship work is going in the right direction, and she is amazed that I have been able to make the changes that I have made and she believes that they are real. She said that she never in her wildest dreams, believed that I could do it. She is proud of me. Then she said the most important thing. She said that when she feels comfortable that our relationship is solid and secure, she will be ready to work on our marriage. When she makes that commitment, she will be ready to make love again and do all of the things that a wife does. She said she believes she will get there, but really has no idea how long that will take. She said that she has been unhappy for 10 years. If the rule is 1 month for every year of pain, I have at least 7 months to go. I can do that. She can do it as well. After what sounded like a death sentence in the MC;s office, we came to a point where we actually talked about where we both believe that we could end up, if we both work hard enough on it.
Lots of ups and downs for me the last couple of days. I was second guessing all of the things my wife said. I talked to Chuck this morning and he told me to stay the course with what I have been doing. He pointed out to me all of the things that have been going right, and all of the succeses we have achieved. I guess I won't shift gears now, because I am feeling uncertain. I will wait and look for actions on my wife's part, and not try to read her mind.
The last week my wife has been back to the way she was years ago. She is doing things for me, talking nice to me. Letting me kiss and hug her a little though nothing sexual. I am looking forward to our MC session next Monday. She goes first this time. I know that our MC is going to try to work with her on getting back to a physical relationship. February 15th will be 4 months since she dropped the bomb. I am pleased with where we are considering where we could be.
I went Skiing last night. My wife waited for me and made dinner when I got home, about 3 hours later then usual. She let me kiss her lips twice last night. She is warming up more and more.
I think we are piecing our marriage back together.
The last couple of days have been good. My wife seems to be very close to turning the corner and being as involved in piecing as I am. I am waiting for the final word on whether she still feels she wants to keep renting the apartment that she never moved into. February would be the 5th month. I hope she let it go. I have not asked, but the truth will be told when she tells me how much money she is going to put in our joint account today. If she holds out, she is paying rent.
My wife and I went to MC for our every two week appointment yesterday. Everything was very positive. MC told us she was proud of both of us for how hard we are working and for the progress we have made. After the session, we went out to dinner and dancing with our dance instructor and a group. It was very nice. We had some close romatic moments. It did not seem to matter when we got home however. She just turned away from me and went to sleep. Oh well. At least we had fun.
Last night my wife and I started a class together in our local adult education program. It was lots of fun. Good Piecing stuff. Lots of interaction and somthing other then a relationship issue to talk about. When we got home, she told me that if I stop pushing her for affection, she will initiate more. She said "Back off a little, and I will feel like it more". I'm starting today. HerBuddy
Well, I found out she was having an affair. Since May, it has not been physical. In May of 2006 she slept with him twice in a hotel, during the work day. She has been talking to him daily,before and since May, mostly about work stuff, and as a "friend" according to her. She says she confessed everything to me. She said they were intimate twice last May, when the two of us were barely speaking because I was so wrapped up in work stuff, she turned 50 and felt Old, he was so attentive, and she was sure I did not love her anyway. She said she stopped it because it felt wrong, awkward, and very uncomfortable. Now that I caught her in the act of talking to him all of the time, and she has confessed all, (I hope it is all) she now says all of our lack of intimacy has been due to her guilt. I said I was going to leave her unless she quit her job, and never spoke to him again. She convinced me she could work for the same company, and not see him or talk to him at her current employer because he works across town. She has been with the same firm for 28 years. She said she would never speak to him again, would resign from all of the committies they are both on, and she wanted to save our marriage. I asked her to call him in front of me and tell him to never call her again. She did. Then, I called him and told him if he ever calls her again, I would call his wife. (He is married and has 3 small children) I made it perfectly clear that I had a zero tolerance for any contact, even if it is only on a professional level. I asked her why she did not tell me until I caught her in the act. She said, she was afraid that I could not forgive her. She also said that things had been so good in our relationship since I did all of the 180's over the last three months since she dropped the bomb, that she was afraid to risk causing me to get angry, and revert back to the old, angry me. She also said, she was afraid I would go into a rage, like I have done in the past, and hurt him or even kill him. After this 3 hour talk/ confession, all of the physical things and intimacy in our relationship returned almost like throwing a switch. She would not sit near me before, now she was sitting on me. Last night, she came to me and asked me to come to bed and make love to her. (It was great for both of us) This morning, she promised again to never talk to him, and said she was 100% committed to me and our marriage. She thanked me for forgiving her, and said she would be the kind of wife I deserve. I told her I would be the kind of husband she deserved. Can this be real? Could this all be the truth? Could it really be like throwing a switch? If I just forgive her, and get by the fact that my wife slept with another man, all of our other problems become repairable? I would love for this to be the case, because I can forgive her. I can't forget but I can rise above it. I will not allow myself to get angry to the point of hurting him. I won't even call his wife, (unless he does not stop calling my wife) because of his small children. I don't want to hurt them just because their father is a unfaithful pri##.
