Deb, I think what you are feeling is quite natural. You have been hurt deeply. I think for so long you have been waiting for your H to say he wanted to reconcile and now that you have finally heard the words you are moving to the next hill of the rollercoaster. What I am trying to say is that all this comes in stages. First you were at the stage of wanting your H back. Now that he is back, you are at the stage of afraid of getting hurt again. Just take it slow and remember no expectations. You will be ok if you remember this.
I am so sorry to hear about your mother. I will say an extra prayer for her tonight.
You are going thru a lot, please remember to take care of yourself also. ((((((hugs))))))
I agree with MrsH. I think it is normal that you are feeling this way. I know you are afraid of being hurt again, and rightfully so. That is why it is so important to remain true to yourself and to keep your expectations at zero. It will probably not be an easy road, but neither is the road you have been traveling and you've made it so far. You have grown a lot since you came to the board and have gotten stronger. Don't give that up. Take it slowly with your H.
Sorry to hear about your mom, I know she has been struggling with this for a while. I will say a prayer for you and your family.
You have had so many really emotional events in your life for such a long time and have shown just how strong you are.
HI, Everyone....sorry to have been gone for so long. Reconciliation w/ h is at a standstill...not going to well....may not happen at all. But, i have learned that i will be o'k...no matter what. H is upset because of a special relationship i had developed...guess he didn't like the tables being turned. I have broken ALL contact w/ other person and that is just the way it has to be...for now.
anyway, i was really writing to let you know that my mom passed away yesterday (Thurs.) morning. i missed being w/ her when she died by just a few minutes. that was difficult for me because i had been w/ her all night and into the morning...had gone home to shower & change....was later getting back because of snow & ice on the roads...almost wrecked trying to get back in time and was still late. I have to believe there was a reason why i wasn't there...maybe one day i will know.
h has not been supportive at all through mom's death..i thought at first he would be....he would not even hug me this morning...made me very sad but showed me just how self-centered he is right now. he came to the funeral home for the wake....sat w/ S10 for about 30 mins. he never spoke to me at all (nor my dad)...left w/o telling anyone he was leaving. just yesterday he would tell me he loves me...today????? makes me wonder if i really want him back...we got into blow-out the other day...told him i wasn't sure he was the type of person i wanted to spend the rest of my life w/. right now our biggest obstacle is our lack of trust in each other. i still think there is hope for us...i have to get through the funeral tomorrow (well...today) and then it is back to DBing. no more contact being initiated by me...no more i love yous...he will have to come to me...should be an interesting/lonely Valentine's Day.
well, it feels good to post again. been staying away to avoid questions from h. i really do hope everyone is doing well. lots of love to all (ya'll) deb
Deb, so sorry to hear about your loss. I can sympathize with you loosing a parent.
I to was in your same situation in regards to your M just this week. I have a special relationship with another now and I think it was partly the reason my WAW proposed reconciliation a month or so ago. This after over a year of nothing more than talk of kids and finances. I thought she made clear many times over she was done with me, this was a shock to say the least. Took me by total surprise.
It came to a conclusion this past week. It didn't work out and it was I who wouldn't accept her conditions. She has not emotionally or mentally progressed at all since the bomb. She did the same things as your H with advance, retreat, advance, retreat, etc. I couldn't figure her intentions out at all, It drove me crazy. I had to tell her I was not interested right now and made it seem as though it was my own personal issues I was dealing with as opposed to me not really wanting her back. My wish is for your happiness no matter what happens with your M.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
Astimegoeson, Thank you so much! It has been such a confusing time for me...we found out about mom's illness just as things were falling apart between my h & me. i finally had to tell h to leave. sometimes i would think he was coming back; he told me several times he did not love me & was not coming back...after a few months, i finally accepted things as they were and started moving on w/ my life-i had found happiness. h started wanting to spend time w/ me so i agreed-was open & honest w/ him. at first it was o'k...guess he got to thinking & became angry...it has been touch & go the past few weeks. what hurts the most is that he is not here for me right now...but when i look at the big picture, i see that i am o'k...it hurts losing my mom; but, i am getting through this w/o him and i am o'k. if h decides yet again to work things out, i will give him one more chance...i have promised not to bring up his past mistakes, he will have to learn to accept what i have/have not done...i never even got to meet my special friend. he promised he would go to counseling w/ me...that has yet to happen; but, i feel strongly about us going....we will have to to get past everything. well, thanks again for taking the time to respond, it made me feel good to hear from someone after being gone for so long. mom's funeral is this afternoon...it will be a busy day. love to all, deb
So nice to hear from you again. I'm so sorry about your Mom passing on, and that you just missed her passing. What a rough time it must be to lose a parent. I can't imagine.
I've missed hearing from you. I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going like you wished with your husband. At least you know what you want and what you need this time. Maybe your husband can bring that to the table, and maybe he can't. Doesn't sound like he's trying very hard right now. I would expect that the first couple of weeks trying again, that he would be better than he'll ever be again. If he's not getting it done now.....well.
I'm sorry again about your Momma. I know it's been hard. I've been keeping up lately with someone I think you know. I've heard that it's been rough for her too.
You know where I am. Told you I wouldn't be going anywhere. Feel free to contact me anytime.
Blessings SG,
Bill
Last edited by Bworl; 02/03/0712:01 PM.
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Thanks for the warm thoughts & wishes. Today will be tough...you know it will happen sometime and even though you think you're ready, it is still difficult. Mama has been hurting for several months...i am happy to know she no longer hurts. She is in a much better place than we are.
as for h, he has issues he has to work out. i feel he has shown me that he is not ready to reconcile. i have told him how i feel...i love him and want to work things out...i am willing to put the past behind us and make a fresh start. he did not like knowing i had formed a special "friendship" w/ someone else and was moving on w/o him. well, i am moving on again....i am stronger this time. i will go back to no contact and i will continue to move forward w/ my life-h or no h. as for other relationships, this time i will wait until we are divorced, that way no one gets hurt...that is the last thing i want. as for h, he will have to decide what he wants-he knows where i am. well, gotta go get ready to go to Dad's. deb
I am o'k (I think/hope). I am hurting but i am slowly starting to get my head back on but i have to mend my broken heart...started bagging up h's things this morning. will this be permanent? i don't know. i have to wait a little longer to be sure. i will be contacting a lawyer this week...i have to take care of myself & the kids...but for now, for whatever reason, i still have to stand for my marriage....i have not reached the point to where i am totally ready to let go...hopefully soon. please do not worry...sg
