I agreed with 1210. It's time to put your foot down. I don't know how you have been the person you have been this long. I think we all deal with some for of pain in our R's right now...but enough is enough!
You have shown your strength to us....now show it to her. It is in the best interest of the kids and yourself. This is a holiday for the children more than anything and for her to focus on her presents from the OP is just disrespectful. I'm not saying she will do that, but it she does follow 1210 advice.
Now you have me fuming.....send her my way. We all know how I can deal with a W when I am angry. I don't care if she is not my W.
We are thinking of you!!!! Keep your head up and be STRONG!!!!!
M-35 going on 15 D-8 S- 3 yrs ex-CL(w)- 30
D over one year
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. Douglas Adams "Just Be"
1210, I just finished tucking in the girls. They are so amazing, just covering me with hugs and kisses and too many I love you's to count! They remind me why I'm still here. Now, in hindsight, I don't think W will open those gifts in front of us. Last year she just left them in the bag, as she had opened them the night before. I trust she will do so again. I was feeling somewhat panicky there so I hope my fear won't become reality. Last year I did not know her and OP were having an A, they were still friends in my books. This year is different though. So, if W does think it appropriate to open those gifts in front of me I will definately tell her, probably in the evening after kids retire, that it was insensitive and inappropriate. I doubt she will, she's always trying to hide anything to do with their little A. I guess that keeps it fun! I just can't fathom how she thinks we can just live this way endlessly? In every way, except one, we appear to be a loving couple. No one would ever guess! It's so damn confusing sometimes. I've tried hard to make myself a better person (and will always be glad of that for ME!) and shown a willingness to work on things but she is to caught up in being babied by this sad excuse for a caring human being. This woman lives with her parents and siblings and my W, the married mother of two, goes to her house to spend time with her. Her parents, of course, were not thrilled to find out their D was having a gay R, yet despite all this allow this crap to go on in their own home!!! What kind of people are they? Sometimes I really do think it's time to put the boots to her (not literally of course), it's time to pull the plug on both their little fantasy worlds. Again, what stops me is putting my kids through that kind of Hell. So, my choice is to either to bail or suck it up for my kids. I will be most interested in what the SF Counsellor has to say. I still plan to definately make an appointment in the new year cuz it's getting time to shake things up a little. I've tried the nice, caring, GAL stuff...it isn't working. Maybe its time to do somethings that may not be comfortable but may be better choices. My fantasy is to put it to W this way: You have one month to decide where you want your life to go. You can choose to work on our R and keep our family together or choose OP and all the sh!t that will go with that. Our family will be split up, neither of us will be able to tuck the kids in every night, the house will be sold and you will be completely responsible for your own life. The choice is yours, let me know. If I don't hear from you then I will make the choice for you." That fantasy is being considered much more frequently these days. But, yes, I will overcome! I've beat alcoholism, I've beat diabetes, I will beat this too. Thanks for the hugs 1210, they were sorely needed.
Oh, honey, my heart just ached to read your painful post. I am so sorry for such hurt after a good 2 days. I don't know what I would do in your situation, but I do know that no drastic measures should be acted upon until after the holidays, which has an extra emotional burden attached to them (hard, believe me, i know)!
Hang on my friend, and have a wonderful dinner with your family and merry Christmas.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
Well, you sound a little better. Hopefully, she'll have the sense to open OP's gift in front of OP, not you.
Your little girls sound so cute...do for them...just the little girls. They will have such a good time tonight.
Please put on a good smile tonight, even though you just want to scream...if necessary, pretend it's just another dinner out...no anniversary, okay? Be strong for the little ones.
It will be interesting to hear what kind of "mood" your W will be in...good, I hope.
Wait until you see the counselor before putting up a last resort...see what that person says. I would really hate to see your family split. You've come this far - you can wait just a tad longer.
Enjoy your dinner...order anything you want to eat...don't worry what the W thinks...if you want pancakes, then order pancakes (just an extreme example - I know you're not eating at a breakfast diner).
Last, but really the most important...remember what this great holiday is...it's Christmas, a birth, a new life, rejoicing in our Lord...not gifts.
If things get rough...just think of CM, in his thong and tiara and I sitting a table away...watching your back. That's a sight....
Thanks 1210 and BI, We just came home from shopping and the girls asked Mom if they could open gifts from "Auntie" now (they do this every year) I went straight to the kitchen and made lunch (pancakes 1210!). What makes all this even more confusing is that Auntie has sent gifts every year for the past 5 years and kids do look forwrd to it. This year, of course, I am pretty damn sensitive to it. Here's the woman who is assisting in the destruction of my family sending the young victims gifts! What a f'ing joke!!! So I am staying clear of the gifts, if D's want to show me I will say "that's really nice" etc. but that is it. We are still planning to go to dinner tonight, it's a buffet so we can each get what we want (kids like Mango Salad!). I'm the only one who has ever been there so its new to W and kids. So, tomorrow if she opens gifts from OP in front of me I will probably just ignore it and realize where it is coming from. I will take pride in my behaviour and keep trying to make this a great Xmas for the kids. Btw, there was no "Happy Anniversary" said by either of us today. W rolled in about 3:00 am last night and by the time she woke up I'd already gone out to buy goodies for tomorrow (going to my parents) and get some furnace filters. This is the first Xmas with the A out of the bag. It is tough but rest assured 1210 I won't do anything drastic, I'm still here trying to save my M and family. I will book the counselling appointment ASAP. I am usually quite in control of my emotions and PMA pretty good, but sometimes certain things just trigger a meltdown (and that's OK too). I will overcome! Thanks again everyone, have a great Christmas.
Do you think you should take the high road and offer up a Happy Anniversary? Or would that seem too ridiculous at this time?
I assume Auntie is the OP? That takes guts to do on her part, doesn't it? I'll be glad when you make the appt. to see someone...your R is really unique.
Mango salad sounds great...we have tons of mangos when the season is here; we eat them cold and cut up in cubes, or mix them vanilla ice cream...yummy.
Yup, 1210, "Auntie" is OP. What makes it even more ridiculous is that my D's NEVER see her! She just sends them little treats, Xmas & BD gifts and drops by the street corner to buy crafts from D9, of course, she buys lots!W calls her to drop by and make purchases. Sidebar: D9 set up her own crafts stand in the warmer months and sells crafts to passers by! When business is slow she cartwheels down the sidewalk! She even has a reciept book for purchases. She's somewhat concerned about how her business will do as she grows older cuz she won't be as cute anymore...she figures business will drop That kid is too much!!) Anyway, I may wish W a Happy A tonight, I mean that is why we're going out, what the heck. She's still in a pretty good mood. I'm sure it will all be fine tonight. I might even bring the frog along, who really knows! Well, got to go, it's wrapping time!
Hi everyone, While lying on my bed this poem I wrote just popped into my mind. I think it's applicable to my sitch right now and probably many other people's. I'd like to share it. It was inspired by the writings of Pema Chodrin.
Stay!
Is there impatience? Stay! A mind that is weary? Stay! Is resentment taking over? Stay! A heart may be breaking. Stay! What am I doing here? Stay! Is there an exit nearby? Stay! I can't stand another minute! Stay! Where is God hiding? Stay! Come, roll over, sit up. Stay! I have nothing left to give. Stay...anyway!
Well, just returned from Anniversary dinner. All went well, W liked the place and , yes 1210, I did deliver the frog! She opened the bag and burst into laughter when she read the inscribed words "I've only got flies for you". She thanked me very much. I had decided that the frog wouldn't make her feel uncomfortable, in fact, it would probably lighten things up. We do have a very odd disfunctional R, don't we. But I guess I called that one right. I can't wait to see froggy on the dresser next to the crown. We had a very nice family time and I am full (Thai, Vietnamese Buffet).It's amazing how you can still stuff yourself and not eat meat! My D9 scored a bag full of really large oyster shells from the restaurant, she plans to sell them at her craft stand! That kid is all business all the time !Anyway, Merry Xmas everyone.
That will fix her wagon! 
