Just caught up on your thread. You are getting some great advice here. I also think it's great that H said he wished you'd stayed in bed.
Quote: That is why I praise God for what he allowed me to go thru. A Wake-Up call INDEED!
I am so at this point also. All of the sudden it hit me that I had been sleepwalking thru life and my M. I am so thankful that my H had the cojones to stand up and say, nope, I'm not going to settle for a M like this. Just wish he'd gone about it different, but maybe I needed this wake up call. I don't know where I'll end up on this journey, but I feel that it is a wonderful thing that I am taking a path less traveled. I feel so alive and strong. You will soon get to the place that you realize you are thankful for the opportunity to work on yourself and make yourself fantastic. You will benefit regardless of the outcome w/ you M.
Oh my... I'll reply to everyone later but I just had to post this for now. I just got back from the ER.. taken by ambulance. Halfway through my pampering haircut, my hands started to cramp up to where I couldn't really move them. Then it spread to my arms, and even my face muscles were twitching. I got dizzy and around then told the hair guy "Something's wrong!" Within 5 more minutes my upper body was so cramped up I was "hugging" myself, nails dug hard into my arms, etc. They asked if they should call H or 911 - I said 911 first because I felt like I'd pass out. I didn't pass out, although everything's pretty foggy. H and the ambulance arrived almost the same time.
They had no idea what was up.. normal blood sugar, normal everything. But I was so "locked up" I couldn't move my hands or talk very clearly. It looked/felt like a stroke or something. They couldn't pull my arms away from my body enough to put the seatbelts on, that's how cramped up I was.
Guess what it all was? Anxiety attack. Specifically, apparently I was hyperventilating without even REALIZING it, to the point where my CO2 and potassium levels dropped and I had severe muscle spasms.
I honestly felt pretty relaxed today, looking forward to my appointments, smiling, was making small talk w/the hair guy when it started. I guess that doesn't matter, if it's brewing in the background.
I am SO upset that H saw me like this... he was really great and said "No matter WHAT happens, anything that requires an ambulance ride will ALWAYS require a call to me!" But to have him there with me in the hospital, again, probably reliving the million reasons I'm a mess... ugh ugh ugh it just hurt.
I told him I wanted him to understand this MY responsibility to learn to deal with this. He said he understood that but we'll see.. he's acting very guilty tonight. We both kept waiting for the blood results to show something other than "she freaked out" but nothing did. <sigh>
They gave me some kind of anxiety drug tonight and to get me through the weekend til I can see my doc, and some instructions on how to spot the early warning signs.
Will post more tomorrow.. I'm so tired right now.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Nikki- I'm glad you're ok and sorry you had to go thru that. Don't beat yourself up over this. You are under an extreme amount of stress right now. Just be sure to be taking care of yourself. Julie
As I was reading your post, it sounded like it was going to end up being hyperventilation. It is amazing how this feeds on itself and you just can't stop it. I'm a paramedic and have seen this dozens of times. However, I had never expierenced it myself and would never have guessed how difficult it is to try to slow your breathing down. I have had it happen to me a total of three times. The really wierd part for me is it has always happened while I am sleeping. Strange as that sounds. I wake up and after the first time, could tell "it's happening again" and within minutes I am shivering uncontrolable and breathing about 30 times a minute with my arms and even back hurting like hell. I have gotten in the hot tub to warm me and then just try as hard as I can to slow my breathing down. In the old days we used to put a paperbag over the person's mouth so they would take in less oxygen. That's not advocated anymore unless you can monitor o2 levels while doing it.
Now that you know what it is, if it would happen again, you have to really try to slow down your breathing. If you do that, things will come back to normal. If you don't you will likely pass out at some point which is your bodies way of returning you to normal. After you pass out, your breathing should return to normal and "fix" you. And yes, it sucks that your husband had to be there, but does he really know what it's likely related to? Since it took you so much by surprise, I'm wondering if he hasn't put two and two together either.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
wow DonH. I must have been very close at the same thing. Of course most times would be after I snooped on my H's phone to see that he txt her a million times and then I would get back in bed shaking uncontrollably and shivering and breathing fast, but luckily I would eventually fall asleep so I guess that stopped me from hyperventillating.
Nikki, I am sooooooo sorry you went thru that. That IS really weird since you were having a good day.
Totally don't be upset by him seeing you. It's totally okay, and it's not going to ruin anything. You just show him how strong you are to overcome it and that it is no big deal to you. The bigger you make this out to be will be the problem. and I think your response to him was fine too, telling him that it is your responsibility to overcome this.
hey, what would the "old" Nikki do if this happened to you? Just curious. I think the old Crissy would have been depressed or something thinking, 'oh great, something else is wrong with me'. But don't YOU think that. That was a natural reaction your body is having due to the stress that you are dealing with. Every body deals with stress differently. And now that you know what it is, and Don has told you how to keep from it happening again, you can get passed this with flying colors!
We love you! So happy that you are okay! Crissy
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
It still blows my mind that it can happen and you have no idea you’re doing it. Some of the symptoms they list in the chronic section have been things I’ve struggled with even before the “bomb drop” so I wonder if I’ve done this for awhile and didn’t know it.
Friday night is such a blur. Whatever they gave me at the hospital for the anxiety really messed with my head. I barely remember posting here. Saturday morning I got up and saw a half gone box of Kleenex with tissues EVERYWHERE. Apparently I was pretty much hysterical all night and I don’t remember any of it. What scares me really bad is I have no idea what I even said!! Yikes. I thought I was doing OK when we left the hospital but apparently I should’ve taken them up on their offer to see a crisis person (even they thought I didn’t need to though). I told H that I was pretty much blacked out Friday night and please disregard anything I said, it was the medication talking. I know that doesn’t REALLY “take back” anything but at least he knows, and now I can get back to showing both of us I’m moving forward through my actions.
I filled the prescription for more of the anxiety stuff but I’m not taking it unless I’m truly desperate after seeing what it did to me Friday. I find myself having anxiety that I will get too anxious and have to choose between taking the anxiety meds or having another attack.. what a cycle huh??
Yesterday I spent the entire day practicing how to breath. I made it all day without any serious muscle spasms OR drugs so that’s good. I even made it through a family get together with H’s aunts, uncles, dad, etc. I almost didn’t go but was glad I did. I managed to smile and laugh some which I was proud of and H said he was surprised to see it too.
DonH – wow, I’m so glad to hear from someone else who’s heard of this. I had NO idea you could hyperventilate and have it not be visible and obvious you were doing it. That would be terrifying to wake up to! I wish we had a hot tub, I did notice that being warm made a huge difference in being able to control it, and I also seem to get very cold when it starts to happen.
I have been breathing very deep, slow breaths and if I notice so much as a tingle in my hand I breathe even slower…seems to help. They actually did the paper bag trick in the hospital and suggested it if I need it at home. I look forward to getting more help with the breathing. I’m sure there’s some tricks to doing it right but I’m not sure what other than don’t breath too shallow or too fast.
My H most definitely knows what it’s related to. As they were putting me in the ambulance he pulled one of the paramedics aside and told them it might be stress, but he was afraid I’d be embarrassed to tell them. At the hospital they asked him to leave while they took my info (another clue and something he noticed). When they let him back with me he noticed they were watching closely to see if him being there made it worse, and he asked almost immediately if it was stress or something worse. We talked about it a little bit more yesterday and he said he was kind of relieved it was stress related, because at least it’s something that can be managed. We were both very afraid it was something much worse.
Julie – I’m trying not to beat myself up but having a hard time. What if that was the nail in the coffin you know?? We talked a little more yesterday and I said I was just amazed that stress could do something so physical to you and he said he didn’t believe it before either but he does now. He’s been having all kinds of heart palpitations apparently and thinks it’s the stress too. Actually he has a lot of the symptoms of the chronic hyperventilation so he was interested in the info the doc gave us too.
Stilltryin – sorry you’ve been close to this too. Lemme tell ya, it’s worth it to go to sleep or do anything else to stop it. Those muscle spasms hurt like you wouldn’t believe!!! You’re right that I need to make it not too big of a deal. The old me .. you know, I don’t know. Probably stayed in bed all day yesterday, shut myself in the house for a week, give up on my positive changes and feel like it’s useless to try and force a PMA, and quite possibly let it get much worse.
If I can “snap out of it” pretty quick and get back to my normal GAL, Christmas, etc. activities I think it will be a huge positive for both of us – obviously the quicker the better for my own well being!!
H is STILL going back and forth about having this New Year’s Eve party and yesterday said we shouldn’t because of “what happened Friday.” I said I was taking care of that and not to worry about it happening again, and let’s go ahead w/the party but just keep it easy in terms of food etc. He says he thinks even if I don’t have another anxiety episode, it will be impossible for me to have any fun. I said I’d have fun and we should do it… we’ll see what happens.
I feel really guilty that we ended up sitting in the ER all day Friday instead of being able to get our Christmas shopping done so I’m finishing up his for him today. Which I should probably go get started on! Getting out and doing that will be a huge positive.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
I actually ended up putting a paper bag on the night stand next to my bed. Of course, now that I did that, I have not had one of these episodes since. I have also been on Lexipro so that might be playing some part in not having this happen. The very strange thing for me is that I was asleep when it happened and did not wake up remembering any dreams.
As for the medication, I would be willing to bet they either gave you Xanx or Ativan (or their generics) Both are in the family of benzodiazapines. Typically in lower doses they do not create amnisia but it certainly can happen. You might want to try taking half of a tablet instead of the whole thing and see if that is better. If you let me know the dose (and the medication), I can tell you how high it is. Typically they will start you pretty low though.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
wow! Can't believe how crazy that was! But look, your H didn't skip out on you or anything, he was still there for you, so that is awesome!
You just show him by your actions that you can still have fun. When you show him the gifts you picked out for him act really enthusiastic and excited. Act enthusiastic about the party.
And your old you, is probably similar to the old me! I really think that now you have the knowledge to take control of this hyperventilation, you can handle it and you won't need to rely on any yucky drugs. That is sooooo messed up that you don't remember any of that. Just totally forget that day ever happened! no pun intended.
Keep the PMA up! and have a great week.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Nikki - how frightening. I agree with PP who said don't be upset that H saw you vulnerable. It will happen and I'll keep you in my prayers. Hope today is a WONDERFUL day for you!
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
I really think that now you have the knowledge to take control of this hyperventilation, you can handle it and you won't need to rely on any yucky drugs. That is sooooo messed up that you don't remember any of that. Just totally forget that day ever happened! no pun intended. 