Is anyone here separated and going through a divorce and your H got OW pregnant? thats what im facing, H hasnt seen the kids in almost a yr now and found out that OW is preg and there both denying its his, baby due in Feb, baby was concieved when H was living in apartment with her and i believe that OW is living with him at my inlaws house, me n H spoke last night and had major atitude, i heard another kid there i think she has a kid she said that shes a single mother and what goes on between her and my H is none of my business then she says shes preg, H gained alot of weight has a new wardrobe has his hair the same as he was back in highschool, i dont see any hope for my marriage he has time for OW and her kid and baby on the way but dont have time for the 2 kids that we have together, we get along when OW isnt around, is there any hope, i need advise quick, we have temp hearing within the next month
Well.... I haven't exactly been in your shoes, but my husband and I were in divorce proceedings for 6 months.
There probably isn't anything you can tell your husband to change his mind or bring him "back." The only thing you can do is work on yourself, help your kids and try to create a great family environment.
The goal should be to make a great YOU and a wonderful family that any man would want to be with. Only by doing this is there a very small chance your husband will realize what a great thing he's losing.
Basically during my divorce I decided to focus on me. I tried to make me a better and more "attractive" (not just physically, but emotionally, attitude, etc..). I also worked on having a great home environement (calm, happy, positive kids, etc.. not easy when they are hurting from a dad leaving... but that became my focus). I also made sure to have time for me. Time to hang out with girlfriends, shop and do things for me. I began treating myself very well during the divorce.
I emotionally detached from my husband (look at detaching. There's information on this website and elsewhere on it). This allowed me to be friendly and even generous without expecting anything from him. I took the focus off me and convinced myself that if I did love this person (my husband), and he was unhappy with me, but happier elsewhere, I needed to let him go. By loving him I needed to support his decision to find happiness wherever it was. And for my children and myself I couldn't let this decision crush me. I needed to see it as a learning and growing experience for myself. I told him I wanted him to be happy and supported whatever decision he made. I also did mention that I believed he would be happier with me and the kids. I told him the "door was open" if he wanted to come back (before the divorce was finalized. After that I'd be gone), but I'm a wonderful, intelligent, beautiful women, and I have great kids so I'll have a great life wherever it takes me. I did try to make sure he realized he was losing something special... that was my words and attitude.
I also tried to slow down the divorce as much as possible to give him time to realize this.
It's kind of like setting a bird free. You let it go, and if it comes back it's meant to be.
Good luck to you.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Well he pretty much admitted the baby is his and he ha OW living with him, why is he doing this, me nad her had a run in over the phone and hes trying to say that it will be less child support that he has to pay me since he has another on the way, is that true or will the support stay the same? and hes saying that hes not paying spousal support and OW said that she got preg after i left and its not adultery since i left, i told them both that we are still legally married and that is adultery
I"m not sure about spousal support, but I wouldnt' believe anything he said, give CS a call and see if that indeed is true. For your own sanity I woulnt' even bothering talking to the ow, I'm sure it hurts you and I"m sure she says quite a few things to you, so keep that to a minimun melissa.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
how is that? my divorce isnt going to court, as far as my atty says he has till the 15th of jan to file a response and so far he hasnt and then when he dont i go to see the atty draw up what i want in my divorce and give it to the judge to sign and it will be final, just like that pretty much a default divorce
well i called H on monday left him a voicemail saying that he has till the 15th of jan to file a response and if he doesnt then it will be final shortly after that and that i hope he is happy that he got what he wanted but not on his terms and i hope he and OW have a nice life and that i still love him and would take him back, he hasnt called since i left him taht vm, so last time we spoke was sun night
