Eric - thanks for finding the link to the article at Ivillage. I went ahead and printed it out. Maybe someday I can hand this to my W with the hope that she will read it and be willing to try...
Man did this hit home. Ever since the confession of the ONS my H has been saying over and over that when we were separated that he truly believed that I did not like him for who he was and that I wanted him to be something that he was not and could never be. I have also realized that I crushed his ego a lot when we were fighting. I always thought that he was so macho that I could say whatever I wanted and it wouldn't faze him. Oh so wrong. I sent him running right into the separation and into the ONS. I hurt him with my words just as much as he hurt me with the ONS.
I also heard him crying at night after the ONS (we were sleeping in separate bedrooms). I was astonished when I heard him crying. I once again thought why is he crying, macho man doesn't show feelings. I had no idea that he was terrified that he thought I would divorce him if I ever found out. He thought I would think he was a scumbag. Absolute fear of rejection.
This also hit home because H is afraid to tell me how he feels and has even come right out and said he is afraid if I ever really knew how much he loved me I would use it against him. I don't understand that but this thread has helped.
