W was supposed to be home at lunchtime cause she's cooking things for a work party tonight, then going into work this afternoon. I figured she'd be busy and wouldn't have time to eat, so I stopped by "our little neighborhood cafe" at lunch and picked her up a container of her favorite soup since it's really cold here right now and she loves this stuff (it's wicked good...I do this from time to time...best 3 bucks I ever spend), went home...she wasn't there. The old me would've freaked.
The new me put the soup in a nice bowl, set the table for her, lit a candle...I should've just left it all setup with a note, that's what I'll do next time...this time, however, I called her...told her I had something for her at the house and I was sorry I missed her but she should look in the dining room when she got home. From her I get, "Oh I'm sorry, baby, I'll come home right now!"
I'm thinking...HUH?
I said, no, that's okay, I need to run anyhow, so take your time, I didn't mean to wrench up your plans. We hang up.
So I've just about finished my business at home when she pulls up, so I waited on her. Scored major points...she looked at me like she was a thirsty cat and I was a saucer of milk I hung around and talked with her a bit while she ate.
Followed the OT/GH line of thinking on my way out the door to go to the gym...gave/took some major, albeit quick (leave em wanting more, right?) lip action, told a quick joke (left her tingling and laughing LOL), got my ILY's, and took off.
Right now I feel like I could whip Mike Tyson with one arm tied behind my back...it's a good thing I don't let my feelings dictate my actions, I reckon
I'm back, baby, I'm back
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. -- Inigo Montoya, 'The Princess Bride'
It was busy as heck but that's the case with a teenager and a very-pre-teen who thinks he's 33.
Wife had a pretty tame "girls night out" Friday night at the home of a co-worker who lives not too far from us...mainly just a Christmas party with older women. Fortunately, I didn't freak out about anything, just told her to have a nice time, no need to check-in unless she just wanted to, and I'd take care of supper for the boys and things at home.
Saturday had the usual weekend activities then a really nice Christmas party Sat. night with the boys. Wife was just in a great mood and we're at the point where she hugs me tight when I put my arm around her, she puts her head on my shoulder, stuff like that. 10+ years since we've had anything like that in our R.
Other than that, mainly church stuff on Sunday. The best part was Sunday night when we were lying in bed, snuggling a little and watching tv, and she thanks me for a great weekend.
I've done many 180s over the past year, a few even before the bomb and many, many since which were much needed in my life and which have made a huge difference in my sitch because every few weeks my W will say something like, "I never thought you would ever <insert desired behavior> with me/to me/for me/etc."
However, sort of like the two-part epoxy you buy at Home Depot, it didn't really work for me until I did it just because it was the right thing to do, for me, with detachment. As long as I did those things expecting some kind of response from her, it didn't really work. Once I did it for me, it set me free, really. The fact that she is beginning to really respond now is just a major blessing and makes everything much better. But I would have been fine even if she hadn't.
So far, so good. I haven't screwed anything up too badly and we're getting along about as good as I believe we can. Everything looks good for the near future and, regardless of what happens, I feel like I'm prepared to handle whatever happens constructively.
But my plan is to make everything great, no matter what
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. -- Inigo Montoya, 'The Princess Bride'
Quote: it didn't really work for me until I did it just because it was the right thing to do, for me
Very true, once we free ourselves from expectations and do things because it makes us feel good and not to expect the Ss for some retribution, it creates peace of mind, which puts our Ss at ease and they are able to give freely.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
TL--I have been following your threads and am so happy for you that you've found this place. Would you mind taking a look at my thread and see if you have any suggestions for me? I feel stuck...
What I'm finding is that for the first time in years (many, many years), I've got her full attention, she's fully engaged with me.
She shares so much more with me now than she did, say, six months ago, or this time last year, that it's like being with a completely different person, sort of getting to know her again, yeah, but more like she's just open and free and trusts me with herself like she hasn't in years, wants to share herself with me.
Feels pretty damn good and I never really understood what a gift that was before. I do now, though, and think I truly appreciate it.
Other'n that...and, I know, that's HUGE! and I'm loving it...life is really getting kinda boring and normal...not in a bad, we're in a rut, way, just like we have a real marriage for a change and are busy with the kids, work, holidays, family, church, you know...
Aside from a little drama from the kids (particularly the teenager) now and then, everything's really kind of quiet and normal, but with a kind of newness and freshness to it...new car smell
Biggest thing I've noticed is that if there is a slight problem or someone has a concern, even about a R issue, we just bring it up, quietly and directly, deal with it with understanding for each, and then put it behind us and move on.
All in all, in terms of just her and I, I don't think things could be better right now or that I could be happier about it. I still have to deal with some stuff that comes up from time to time, but the fact that I bit the bullet a couple months back and stopped pestering her and doing things that were not helpful (cheeseless tunnels) seems to have really paid off because it's cleared the way for us getting closer, which has helped with dealing with the bad stuff when anything pops into my head (just doesn't seem to matter as much now), and, well, there you have it.
I hope it continues.
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. -- Inigo Montoya, 'The Princess Bride'
Thanks for the update. I am very happy for you. You are a very wise man. As for me, now that's another story, as I can't seem to stay out of those dang cheeseless tunnels.
I hung around and talked with her a bit while she ate. 
