I'm so happy to hear that you and your wife have put things back together. Keep up the great work and all those other tired cliches. It's so worth it, isn't it?
I hope that my cousin is able to see things clearly soon. She has a really nice life, married to a truly good man. I know she was never in love with him and that's certainly difficult. At least H and I had good memories to build on, looking back at better times.
We are doing pretty good, btw! I no longer identify as the HD partner and, what's more important, he would probably identify as the higher drive partner in our M now. I never realized how important it was for a man to be da man, within his marriage. I'm so proud of him and the progress he's made. I know your wife feels *exactly* the same.
Well I am too lazy to go find a thread of mine that is not about a WAW so I will post an update here.
H and I are doing really, really well.
You know, I remember when things started to erode and each day it felt as if we were a little more distant than the last. Some days were good and we were a little closer but mostly we just continued to drift. I knew it but was preoccupied and foolishly thought that things would cycle back easily. Fast forward about 5 yrs and we were still very good friends but there was little to no romance between us. I realized, rather quickly during my pregnancy with our second child, that I couldn't go on like that. So at the end of that pregnancy I laid it on the line and then we began the torturous process of fixing our M.
During the next few years I could not count how many times I proclaimed us fixed--countless. I was either flying high with our latest triumph or in deep despair over our lack of progress. I doubt any of my faithful readers even noticed this. (heavy sarcasm there)
Now.....I can literally feel things improving every day. It is like a reversal of the days when I could feel them falling apart. It is building itself back up, layer by layer. VERY wierd to experience it, but there it is. We are spending more time together, enjoying each other's company, having plenty of sex, and overall learning how to be lifetime partners. Which means, of course, that it isn't all roses and champagne but neither is it me bawling every day in the shower (so the kids don't see) and him punching holes in the walls out of frustration with me. Learning how to create romantic/sexy feelings in the absence of drama has not been easy but finally..finally..it's here.
I am sharing this because I think I was expecting it to feel more like a 2nd honeymoon. We'd wake to discover one day that we were passionately in love again. It hasn't really worked out that way..it's more of a gradual rebuilding, with the end result that we are indeed passionately in love but without the dramatic reunion. Not that there isn't that 'reunion' feeling to it but that it is happening gradually instead of all at once.
Well I am too lazy to go find a thread of mine that is not about a WAW so I will post an update here.
H and I are doing really, really well.
You know, I remember when things started to erode and each day it felt as if we were a little more distant than the last. Some days were good and we were a little closer but mostly we just continued to drift. I knew it but was preoccupied and foolishly thought that things would cycle back easily. Fast forward about 5 yrs and we were still very good friends but there was little to no romance between us. I realized, rather quickly during my pregnancy with our second child, that I couldn't go on like that. So at the end of that pregnancy I laid it on the line and then we began the torturous process of fixing our M.
During the next few years I could not count how many times I proclaimed us fixed--countless. I was either flying high with our latest triumph or in deep despair over our lack of progress. I doubt any of my faithful readers even noticed this. (heavy sarcasm there)
Now.....I can literally feel things improving every day. It is like a reversal of the days when I could feel them falling apart. It is building itself back up, layer by layer. VERY wierd to experience it, but there it is. We are spending more time together, enjoying each other's company, having plenty of sex, and overall learning how to be lifetime partners. Which means, of course, that it isn't all roses and champagne but neither is it me bawling every day in the shower (so the kids don't see) and him punching holes in the walls out of frustration with me. Learning how to create romantic/sexy feelings in the absence of drama has not been easy but finally..finally..it's here.
I am sharing this because I think I was expecting it to feel more like a 2nd honeymoon. We'd wake to discover one day that we were passionately in love again. It hasn't really worked out that way..it's more of a gradual rebuilding, with the end result that we are indeed passionately in love but without the dramatic reunion. Not that there isn't that 'reunion' feeling to it but that it is happening gradually instead of all at once.
HP, that's wonderful. Not far from what where I'm heading, although I think perhaps you've gone a bit further/faster on that path. It definitely isn't that second honeymoon feeling, but it is more of a peaceful acceptance and feeling the R starting to grow is really cool. So did you guys ever get around to going to WWME? How are the babies doing (all growing up and everything I bet, darn, the oldest one is gettin' close to marryin' age now ain't she
Well, we've had a rude lesson in communication from S16.9. He got into a funk, and started cutting himself. Turns out it was a lot of mis-communication gone wild. He thought I felt one way, I thought he didn't want to be around me and we never really talked about it. Darn, just like my R with MrsGGB had done a few years ago. Lightbulb! Maybe, just maybe, my communication skills are not what they should be. Well, it has been "interesting" times here, and I am slowly learning to talk.
So anyway, how's the new house? All settled in yet? Send me pictures if you get a chance. Glad to hear you building a new R with your H. You deserve it.
I wonder, would your cousin come to this bb and ask some ??s b/c she might get a good earful....
I am reading the Five Love Languages and he discusses the difference between real love, and the "affairs" type of "love". It's well written. I once came close to an A about 15 years ago and looking back, I recall actually thinking I 'loved" the OM....God intervened and the OM got a transfer and I saw a chaplain, etc so no adultery, thank God. BUT THE POINT REMAINS, I thought I loved the guy, and I hardly knew him!! We had chemistry....a lot of it and H was an intern and was Always working, and if he actually came home, he'd fall asleep within half an hour, no lie.....When he was "awake and alert" he was irritable and this went on for some time....THe OM paid a lot of attention to me at that exact time, and what the heck, plus we had 2 kids. My kids and the thought of explaining my leaving their dad, or H crying, stopped me in my tracks a few times also. I am so grateful it didn't go farther, but I am far less judgemental than before. AND YET, I feel as if I was a bit crazy.
The whole obsessiveness of it, I am embarrassed really. Your cousin is going thru that and unless her M sucked and has for awhile, she is making a huge mistake wanting out...and even if getting out of her M is smart b/c it sucks, she is picking a real "winner" given your description and his history......
Speak up Girl. You were at her wedding promising to support the M, right? Show her the real road she is on....another book is "Cut Loose" and describes what divorce is usually like for women. Financial suicide, and the other disadvantages....OR she can read "The Legacy of Divorce" and see how damaged her kids will be and her grandchildren, etc. b/c of her escaping behavior. She needs to do some real thinking, reading and I suggest a Pro-M counselor or minister. It helped me, and so did the books, and a lot of luck. I'm grateful. good luck to her, btw--does she have faith in God? That's be helpful. Keep fighting the good fight. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Hey there, GGB! Long time, no talk. Glad to hear that things are progressing with the missus although I am disturbed by the news about your son. Goodness, I hope he starts to level out soon. Adolescence is so hard, the self loathing at its highest point.
My youngest is still a baby, thankyouverymuch. My sister keeps telling me that, technically, 2 is not a 'baby' anymore but I can't bear to hear any of that rubbish. I am getting the baby bug big time but H keeps throwing away our baby items and basically saying NO WAY HP so there ya go. And how are your wee rugrats? Baby M must be, what, close to two himself? Unbelievable!
As far as WWME goes, well, here's the story on that. I clean forgot about it until you mentioned it just now, that's what. Wow, I guess I can go..what a weird feeling not to have my 3 anvils tied around my waist as I sink into the ocean..er, I mean, that they are big enough that I can leave them for a weekend. Lightbulb moment for me here. I'll have to look into that right away. H would be thrilled to go--isn't that a change from my lamentations from 2 years ago!
The house..well, he is still remodeling the kitchen. He has done the walls, cabinets, partial ceiling (is doing the electric this weekend and, oh, the glories of having electric lighting in my kitchen again), countertops, installed new appliances, painted of course, tore out a new floor which has left me with a plywood subfloor (he painted it so that my eyes aren't depressed at the sight of it), installed new sink and faucet. I won't bore you with the What We Still Have Left to Do, but I will send some pics of the parts that are finished.
Yeah, it's been quite a while. The bit with S16 started out with him accidently injuring his friend in the eye with an airsoft gun last spring. He's apparently not forgiven himself, and assumed that I was still upset about it. That's been welling up in him and then his GF (who was never really into him and had posted on her myspace basically that she was looking for the right guy..and that post stayed up there the whole time they were 'dating') broke up with him and that sent him over the edge. It's been almost 3 months since the break-up and he still hasn't gotten over it. Arghh, I wasn't ready for this teenage BS. (who ever is?)
Well baby M isn't really a baby anymore either, he turns 2 at the end of January. His trick these days is to jettison his diaper as soon as he poops in it and then he proceeds to play with it, totally gross! Invariably it happens when he's down for a nap. Today he did it again, even managing to get the safety pin out of the zipper of the bunting we put on over his clothes. I guess we've been fortunate that the other 5 never saw the need to do this. J turns 3 in Feb, and is now talking up a storm. Some days I think it was better when he wouldn't talk. With Frick and Frack here, neither of us are pining for another (we have a severe case of monkey-see-monkey-do going in both directions here). Having two a year apart just isn't the same when you are in your 40's as it is when you are in your 20's. Yeah, the older kids pitch in some, but that help doesn't compensate for all the time and effort spent running around to get them to their activities, school and whatnot. It'll be good when S16 starts driving. We've been holding him off out of concern for his well-being, at least until we have the self-loathing bit straightened out. The thought of him driving is terrifying to say the least.
Haha, so you are getting the baby bug again... BTDT, LOL. You know, for us the next one always seemed to come along as soon as we started getting rid of the baby stuff. Sounds like you need to encourage MrHP to get rid of the stuff so that it happens
So, that's really cool that MrHP is on board now for the R stuff. I'm excited that he'd be open to WWME, and excited that you're at a point now that you can get out for a weekend without the rugrats.
Kitchens have to be the worst room in the house for remodeling while you are living there. There's just nothing else the disrupts life the way a torn apart kitchen does. Don't feel too bad about the floor. MrsGGB put up with a half ripped vinyl, half plywood floor in the kitchen and an unfinished concrete floor in the adjoining family room in our old house for over 7 years as I slowly finished it. I wound up finishing the tile and putting up the molding the month we sold the house. I'm sure you can't wait to have it finished! I'd love to see the pics.
Whew - shades of the fire remodel last year. The plywood floor bit is just not cool at all. No matter what you do the house just feels "dirty" - yuck! I feel for ya on that score.
GGB,
I am so sorry for your son about the airsoft gun. My son and his buddies play all the time. They wear eye-protection but accidents can still happen. They have to enjoy their excess testosterone somehow and airsoft battles seem to be a reasonable way to do so. I am well aware of the woes of the "my space" scene - the girl my DS last "went out with" (one movie date) has been involved with another half dozen people who are pasted on the my space account for all the see and enjoy - especially the exes. It is kind of sick in a way.
She-who-is-inspiring-my-baby-lust, YES that is the biggest pain from the plywood floor. Obviously you've experienced this, eh.
I feel like a pioneer woman with a dirt floor! I spent a good half hour sweeping it yesterday only to have all the plys (or whatever that confounded texture is on it) catch all the dust and dirt and it stays exactly where it was in the first place. I mean, I swept with a broom. Then a little handheld broom with a dustpan so I could get up close and personal. Then I swiffered. Then I attempted to mop it and finally came to my senses (or the caffeine wore off) and said...well, something not so merry. So yeah that drives me nuts. When he tore up the tile and subfloor under that, he also removed 2 layers of linoleum so the linoleum glue left huge craters in the plywood that serve as nice little catchalls for food and dirt and bits of crayon, etc. (and, before you ask, yes we looked--and looked--for a decent floor under the 100 years of cumulative floors that are there and there's nothing, durn it)
GGB, Stick with your son, sounds like he needs you more than ever right now.
