Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Howdy neighbors - looks like I'm moving in!

Hello all,

Guess we'll be getting to know each other soon! I've spent the past several monthes over on the "Separated" forum. I've been an occassional visitor here, but it's very clear to me now that my WAW is deep into MLC. She's followed the script to the letter.

I look forward to getting used to my new surroundings here. Guess I better get comfortable....I've got a lot to learn, and my journey isn't nearly over yet!

Joe

Welcome, sorry to find you here, but glad you decided to join us!

AverageJoe, Welcome....sorry you are here (like the rest of us). I wanted to let you know that, like you, I just moved over to this board from "separated" a couple of weeks ago. There are great people here, too! This board is much more "active" and many people have been here quite a long time (read that as experience). In the first few days I wondered whether I should have moved...but, I want to assure you that you (I) have done the right thing to get where we can gain the support and insights we need to deal with our WAS/MLCer. Post often....you will get support here! I'll keep an eye out on your sitch as well.

AJ

Welcome. I know you will find a wealth of knowledge here. The people here will understand what you are going through. All of us are at one point of this crisis and we are great support for one another. It's going to be a very bumpy ride so make sure your seat belts are fastened!!!

Y

Sometimes I wish my H was in MLC, as then I really could say he was out of his mind and there was a much nicer person hidden inside. Unfortunately I think is just who he really is.

We'll miss ya, Joe!

OK, I guess I'll jump right in and start with questions...

Cake Eating - How much should I let her get away with? She still askes me to do things for her. She wants to be independant and free from responsibilty, but as soon as she needs something she calls me. Should I say NO? Should I pick and choose what I do and don't do? As much pain as she's put me through, I still "need" her to know that I'm here....but I don't want to keep feeling like a doormat! Where's the line?

Tangent question - going dim/dark? She only contacts me when she needs something. Should I stop taking her calls? Will that just piss her off further, or do I need to make her live with her choices?

AJ,
That's the million dollar question. What it comes down to is waht you're comfotable with. I had similar concerns and felt I was being a doormat. I got a lot of great advice from the people here.

This was the advice they gave me, which really helped me... You need to determine what you will and won't put up with, adn that's your line in the sand. It took me a long time, but I came to a point where I drew my line in teh sand with H (who was trying to reconcile with me). I told him no contact with OW and no lying. He broke both of those "rules" time adn time and time again. I finally said, okay... that was my line in the sand, what am I doing? And there was my decision. Once teh line in the sand is crossed, you need to show some tough love.

Now the question is, how much are you willing to put up with? How much until you start feelng like you're losing self respect. That's the poitn I got to. Once I toldl H to leave this last time, I felt so much more self worth. YOu need to think long and hard about how much you're willing to put up with. If you feel like she's taking advantage of you, then put a stop to it. People will do what they can get away with.

Tough love is very hard, but often necessary.

Welcome to the MLC board.

Hey Joe,
I KNEW I would find you over here.
Once the initial shock wore off I figured you would end up reading the resources and working to try and understand MLC.
From your posts, I can tell how much you love your wife, but you are very hurt and angry right now.
First of all, there is NOTHING that can surprise any of us, especially those of us who have been here for a while.
They all have the same script!
Just keep posting and you will get support and some of the answers you are seeking.