I sure hope I am on the right track this time. It feels right even if I do have some ups and downs.
I am so slowly coming to that place I need to be.
I started cleaning out my closet and I got rid of some of h's things. He took only what he wanted and wants me to take care of the rest. I still have not seen him. I left before him again yesterday and I stayed in my bedroom when he dropped the ds off.
He has the ds this weekend but d8 has a christmas concert. H is going to bring them and I know ow is going to go but the thing is my father is coming. I guess this was all coming sooner or later so it might as well be now.
He is asking me if he can have the ds on Christmas this year. My family celebrates on Christmas eve. So I am being a little difficult. I have to make him sweat.
Anyway going dark has helped me tremendously. H has already began a little pursuit although subtle and very hesitant. But this is not about him.
Hello everyone, Just an update. I want to start a new thread with a more positive title but I can't think of something fun right now. So many great party threads going on. Tonnes of good pma around. Lots of good laughs.
Anyway where I left off. I emailed h about christmas concert. I said "my father is going to be there so some good judgement is in order (re:ow). But you don't care how I feel. You are going to do what you want anyway". I should not have posted the last part as I was trying to keep my emails as emotionless as possible. Then I sort of braced for a response. But this is what I got.
H:"I wasn't planning on bringing ow. I knew your dad would be there and you as well. No worries".
Wow I thought. H actually defused the situation and I thought I would have to. He even sounded like he had thought about me and my dad but I am sure he just knew I could rip another strip off of ow and she would again look like she wanted the ground to open up and swallow her. Fitting place for her though I would say.
Anyway he was supposed to pick up the ds at 1pm on Saturday. He showed up at 2:30. He is trying to keep me from having a life. He is trying to control me. But I would not let him. I left before he got there.
So we went to the concert and we sat together. H made talk about ds. Then dumbass me offers him a coffee? Good Lord that is not being dark!!!
He thanked me and I just said no problem. Then he noticed I had not gotten one for myself and he thanked me again.
But when he came to drop off ds I stayed dark. Did not leave my room. He came to talk to me a second about ds but did not set foot in my room.
Monday he had the ds for the evening. He was late and I had to leave before he got there. He dropped them off very late. I again did not leave my bedroom. It took me so long to settle down my girls. When he dropped them off he was making a mad dash for the door. Barely set foot inside. It is so obvious he is harbouring a lot of guilt. He does not want to face me.I think next time I will time how long it takes him to drop off the ds and run out. Then I will challenge him to beat his time!!! His life isn't so perfect after all.
But going dark is so good for me. It should help him focus on his very disfunctional r with ow.
But enough about him. Now it is about me.
I bought myself a christmas present because I did want want my ds to see me open nothing. I am sure h will flaunt all of his ow gifts. But on the plus side I don't have to spend any money on h and the gifts I bought myself are what I wanted. Now when the girls ask who gave them to me I will say Santa. If they tell h he will wonder who Santa is. LOL.
I am getting my hair done tonight. Some highlights. My hair looks so black. I need to add colour.
Tommorrow I am going to a hockey game with my neice and her uncle.
Oh and the best news is I got excepted into one of the universities that I applied for. But I think they think I want January. But that is too soon for me. I have a life and so much to figure out. I have to say I am looking forward to closing my home daycare. I hope to start a different home business. I am burnt out of daycare and I am tired off the mess. I think this is one thing which will also help my pma.
I was thinking too that is time to officially get the financial stuff in order with h so I know how much of a student loan I will need. At least being a single mom does have some advantages as there are always grants available for school.
Anyway my house is decorated for Christmas. My ds are mine this weekend so I think we will do some holiday baking and looking at Christmas lights.
Mermaid, I'm very happy to see that you are doing something for yourself. Get those highlights and you'll look smashing (even more so)!
I'm glad you reminded him of your father going to the concert. For once, he had his head screwed on properly and didn't ask the ow.
Mermaid, the offer of the coffee was done in kindness. Don't beat yourself up over that one. It showed him that you took the high road and still were kind to him even though he was a cad very recently.
As for decorating, you are spot on. Enjoy the holidays w/your ds and know that no matter where he's at or who he's w, you and your d's will never be far from his thoughts. Memories are very hard to erase and they do tend to pop up at odd moments.
Enjoy yourself and above all else, enjoy the holiday season. You and your ds will be just fine.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Congratulations on your being accepted to the university!
You've been through so much with your h of late, but you did a very nice job with everything leading up to and including the Christmas concert. You put down some boundaries beforehand (no ow at the concert) and have stood your ground setting boundaries and going dark. Although the coffee wasn't going dark, it really was a nice gesture during a time when being dark wasn't all that easy. Not sure if that makes sense, but I hope you know what I mean.
Quote: I bought myself a christmas present because I did want want my ds to see me open nothing. I am sure h will flaunt all of his ow gifts. But on the plus side I don't have to spend any money on h and the gifts I bought myself are what I wanted. Now when the girls ask who gave them to me I will say Santa. If they tell h he will wonder who Santa is. LOL.
Priceless!
Me - 47
WAW - 41
Married - 9-14-85
Kids - D14 and D12
Bomb - 1-19-06
W moved out - 5-29-06
Congrats on your acceptance!! You will be a student soon enough so don't worry about not being there in January. You have a lot going on and I did the same thing. So, when I went back to school, I was mentally ready.
Have fun this weekend with your baking..My D and I are doing a gingerbread house this weekend!
Keep up your great attitude, girlfriend! I am so proud of you!
Great to read the turn of events for you (PMA, taking control of your self and your own life, holiday planning) following that nasty scene at the funeral, etc. (btw good for you standing up to OW the way you did -- seemed perfectly appropriate and not a bit over the top) -- and most of all, congrats on school! How exciting!
Congrats on your acceptance! That is wonderful! It is time for a new you and a new do will do! Figure that one out! LOL!
You handled the concert well - good for you.
Just one tiny concern. I think you still have some expectations. Not much, but its still there - I can read it. Keep your expectations at zero.
Do you really think OW felt that bad after the funeral? I'm not so sure. I know that maggot would have felt that she made progress. I'm also not so sure they would have had a row after that. I used to always think that, but experience has shown me that their heads are still stuck so far up their butts - they don't see things as they really are - just how they want them to be.
I think distance is the most important thing for you right now. NOT to make him wonder. But to give yourself some peace.
And you deserve the Christmas gifts. I hope Santa is being really good to you. Your girls deserve to see a happy Mom who is very deserving too.
Thank you for all your kind words. I am not so sure that h was thinking of me or my father when he did not bring ow. I think he also knew that I could rip a strip off of ow again.
But the strange thing is how h can be totally normal with me in that instance and then still go off to ow after. It must be so much work for an mlcer to have to put on two masks all the time.
Anyway, my highlights turned out quite nice. Subtle but my hair has gotten so dark. I thought by now I might have to worry about grey but I did not realize it would go so black almost.
Anyway I hope to hear from the other univsities soon. I am glad I know that I am going but I hope to get accepted into the one closest to my home. But at this point it does not matter. I will worry about it after the holidays.
It is good to hear from you. Thank you for the congratulations. Well the coffee was so automatic but I guess it is okay to reward my h for good behaviour and punish the bad. Maybe that is how to teach an mlcer.
I hope to make a huge baking mess with my girls this weekend.
