It was hard to hear some of the things that he told me when i first found out. I have to try to get rid of this OW in my head and deal with us. I have kept my word and not called her anymore. I am focusing all of my energy on us. I told him that I am going to fight for this and he knows that when I say it, I mean it. But then I feel like I am the only one fighting sometimes. It has only been 2 or so months since I found out so maybe I am rushing things by wanting the perfect ending so soon. Who knows, miracles can happen and will. So I never did ask, what is your sitch? If you don't mind sharing.
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
ngu, thanks for asking. I'm a veteran here (so maybe I'm not worth listening too). My W began an A with another woman! Three years ago she told me "I'm not sure how I feel about you or the kids right now", two years ago I heard "I love you but I'm not in love with you" and "No, I won't go for counselling" and 10 months ago I heard "I've started a new R". So, I've been riding the rollercoaster for a long while, gosh, I probably won't be able to walk straight if I ever get off! My thread is "pushing it to the limit" on the jealousy/ affairs section. As I said before, DBing has given me the strength to continue working at things and making myself a better person. If my W wants back in, well, I'm here (for now). One of the things that has kept me in the R is my kids. I refuse to put them through the hell of separation/divorce unless there is absolutely no other way. If it means I suffer a little in keeping this together, so be it! But, tomorrows a new day and who knows how much longer I can hang in, only time will tell. But, I will be able to look in the mirror and say "I've done my best". Again, thanks for asking! Keep us all posted on your sitch.
Wow, you do have some experience in this. Thanks for your kind words. I will definitely keep things posted on here. I am going to continue to read up on other's situations and see how they are handling it. In the meantime, I will check out the books recommended and try to do some of my own DBing. I have been taking some cues from what i am reading on here as well.
Thanks!
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
Hi, sorry you're dealing with all of this on top of your parental responsibilities--my kids are all about the same age as yours, and this is hard, but you are obviously already ahead of the game. I didn't find DR until about 2 months into my sitch, and it has been invaluable for me.
It sucks, but yep, you may be the only one fighting for your marriage for a good long time. It's not fair, it's not easy, but it IS worth it and you can do it.
Watisis is right--don't believe any of what you hear and less than half of what you see from your H. I read somewhere that once an A ends, there is a "grieving" period for the WAS that lasts anywhere from a few months to a year. Lots of crazy stuff can happen, but know that you are strong, you can adapt and change in positive ways, you can find the patience you will need.
Hang in there. You'll go through a lot, but in the end, one way or another, you have the power to come out ahead.
Thank you Aud. I am encouraged by small things and hold tight to the little nuggets of hope that come from him. I have to keep reminding myself that him going to marriage counseling with me is a big step even though he is unsure of his goal in it. For the past week,we have had great conversations. Almost like we were dating again. It would be so much easier if I truly knew if things were over between them. Not knowing makes it hard. It would also be easier if he was back in the house with us. But I am not going to push things. If he wants to talk about some things outside of counseling, I am all for it. I am going to try to keep my word about not bringing it up except for the therapy sessions.
I just keep hoping and praying that something or someone will smack him upside the head and give him the biggest wake up call imaginable. I think we all wish for that.
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
Quote: I just keep hoping and praying that something or someone will smack him upside the head and give him the biggest wake up call imaginable.
Ditto and amen, sister! Just as long as it isn't harm to one of the babies...Ha, I am so bad to place conditions on requests for assistance from Heaven, but it's always best to be specific!
He actually just left and it was a good night. He came over to help put up the Christmas tree and kept dropping those little nuggets of hope in my mental bank. I will keep being that supportive and encouraging person.
He is coming back over tomorrow night to help finish the tree. All I can say is that this is time that he is not spending with the OW. She may be at work but oh well. I have to find something positive in all of this.
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
Thanks Aud. I am going to add you to my friends list. Hopefully we can keep each other up to date on our situations.
Today I am going through those thoughts of doubt of everything that he tells me. I would love to find that mobster to take down my obstacle (OW). I have a feeling that I know that he is with her right now while I am at work but what can I do? I don't want to mention her because I don't want it to seem that I am putting my energy back into her. I just really wish I knew what stronghold she has on him for him to want to walk away from his family. I know right now that he doesn't want to say divorce and things with us seem to be looking up. That is what I see but I am not sure what he sees. Do you think that there is a good way to see how he is feeling about where we are right now or do I just let it go?
I guess I am just hoping for a quick resolution to this whole mess. My head is telling me that it could take some time but my heart wants this to be over now! AGH!!! Let's hunt down that mobster!
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
