Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Divorced, But Not Done hanging on

Hey everyone,
I was just droping a line to let everyone who has followed my thread nothing new in fact it's the same. right now i'm trying to avoid taking ex back to court over house details but may have to.I d]see him a few times a week and conversation is ok nothing major. I really wish I could find someone to hang with and maybe bring to a soccer game so he can see that i'm over him and I really am...Im tired of his games and chose not to play anymore..I hope he finds happiness and can rebuild his relationship with his kids. they only see him when he takes D to soccer practice and spends a maybe an hour on a sat. but he has not done that in a while he also see them when he comes to games. i'm alittle afraid to bring someone to a game because then he might bring her to a game even though he told my D he would not but I think he would just to get back at me...I'm getting ready for christamas and trying to move forward with the hopes to a better next year..no more worring about him as long as the stuff with the house gets done then I don't need to deal with him after that and I won't i will make the plans for the kids to go to his dads and see them and if he chooses to go and i'm there well to bad.he will have to deal with this i havn't spoken to his dad in a while and one night I took the kids there and waited in the car but they invited me in and we had a goodtime.after that his dad had a heart attack and he never even told the kids till 2 weeks after and never mentioned it to me but thats ok i called and talked to his dad after to be sure he was alright. I think he gets angry since i still see his family and they still want to see me...anyway life goes on wether we want it to or not we can hang-on or fall off I chose to hang on.Joa.

I hope things work out with you and the house stuff. I don't think I would bring someone to the soccer game. It is just asking for trouble. Just go and have a good time and talk to the other parents and just ignore him if you have to. Let him know you are out and having a good time.

It is good you are letting the kids spend time with their grandfather. As long as you are welcome in his house, continue going. Your H can't stop that. You have built a relationship with him and it is good to keep it. My MIL and I are going Christmas shopping soon. We talk on the phone and she has even told me no matter what happens, I will always be a daughter to her. Brought tears to my eyes. I told her I still have not given up on her son yet.

I hope you have a good day. Try and do something fun for yourself today.

You keep hanging on.......

T2sp,
thanks for the words of wisdom. I'm gonna go and enjoy the game and just do what comes natural.not seek him out and if he comes to talk then just be nice and talk.. I'm trying to get ready for christmas with the tree and decorations. I'll post later when I have more time.Joa.

I'm gonna go and enjoy the game and just do what comes natural. I think that is a brilliant idea. not seek him out and if he comes to talk then just be nice and talk. Again, good idea. It is better to act friendly than to cause trouble by being mean. As hard as it is, just smile. . I'm trying to get ready for christmas with the tree and decorations. I just did a 3 foot tree this year. Kids weren't bothered about putting the 7 1/2 foot tree up. They said we didn't need one at all but I nixed that. Can't have Christmas without a tree. I have all the presents wrapped and under/around the tree. This is good because my mood is slowly falling back. I hate this time of year anymore. I hope you get everything done.

Well I'm done hanging on I'm finally done dealing with my ex.after what he did this weekend to my daughter I could care left if anything bad happens to him.. he came to D soccer game and I was talking to some of the parents and he mouthed some thing to me so I went over and asked what he said and he was questioning the game time I told him one was cancelled and one was a make-up game. then I told him that since he told my D that he was just gonna sit home for christmas I called his dad and made arrangments for them to see them he blow up and said why didn't you call me and ask me about it I told him what D said and that they invited me over to and he just got really pissed. then he went to where D was warming up and told her he was stepping out of her life and made her cry well I had had enough so I went after him and just said this is it you will no longer hurt them I'm done being nice and if they don't want to ever see you again then they don't have to..I told him he is constantly telling lies and trying to make everyone feel sorry for him because he has no money well it sucks to be him I really don't have any money either but we still manage and then he said I never once told him thanks for giving me the house in the divorce and I was like you gave it to me no it's more like the mediator gave it to me... and then he said something to the fact that Ive painted this picture about her to them and that shes such a bad person I let him know that I don't even talk about her and him. I told him that if he was with someone else that they would go over there he doesn't think so but I just said even though you live there it's her house.well you know what it's his loss not mine I will always be there for my kids and to pick up the pieces when he shatters their world. I'm sure he will call in a few days to say sorry he always does.anyways I'm home sick today so I'm gonna go and take a nap thanks for letting me vent Joa.

Your H needs some help. He is thinking only of himself right now. You should have told your H that you didn't have to make an appointment with him to take your kids to their grandparents house. If you didn't take them, who would? Just because he is being a pain in the butt doesn't mean you have to take it out on the kids or the grandparents. I think you did right by calling the grandparents.

For him to act like that to your daughter right before a game and in public was wrong. He should not have said anything like that at all but to humiliate her when people were around shows how much of a coward he is. I have other names for him but since I don't know you personally, I don't want to upset you. I just think he is wrong about a lot of things lately.

So what if he doesn't have any money. Who does? My H and I do the best we can with what we have. I know he gets mad at times because he feels he has the bad end of the stick but he brought it on himself. He is making the mortgage payment because when he left, he said he would pay it. I could probably pitch in a little once in awhile for it but I won't. Why make things easier on him? He wanted it so he can suffer thru. Of course I would not make it so he didn't have money for food but darn it, he goes and does things more than I do so he can continue paying on his own.

I hope you feel better. Did you have a good nap?

Time to go pick up the kids so I guess I better sign off and lock up the office.

I think you are right and he does need help but we are just going to let him be for awhile and see what comes of it if he calls the kids then fine if not that fine to. I will continue to be here for them and to pick up the pieces each and every time he hurts them and that all I can do I can't make him be a dad he has to chose that path on his own and hopefully one day he will before it's to late..as far as my nap went I went shopping first then had a nap and it was ok I still feel icky but it comes with the job(school kids). thanks and I will talk to you again soon..Joa.

I still feel icky but it comes with the job(school kids)
I know what you mean by that. I worked at a school before working where I am now. The first year I was there, I was out sick for a week only after 2 months of being there. I got everything at once. I had a cold, 2 different viruses, the flue and strep throat all at the same time. Nothing like feeling like you were going to die (or wishing it). Luckily, I have not been that sick in a long time.

Joa,

I know what you are going through. But, your mind is obsessed with him right now. Every sentence that you type has something about him in it. Find something else, something healthier to focus on. I know you're hurting, it's ok to be in pain. The tendency is to resist and fight the pain. Stop fighting and just accept that things are the way they are. Once you accept this, decide what you want to do next for you and the kids.

Joa,

I'll 2nd Doug on this. You are focusing too much on what your husband is doing. Everything I've read is about him.

You need to put your focus on you and the kids. Let him make his own mistakes with his relationships with the kids.

As far a your statement "you will no longer hurt them I'm done being nice and if they don't want to ever see you again then they don't have to..I told him he is constantly telling lies and trying to make everyone feel sorry for him" is a form of emotional blackmail/an attack. I know you're angry with him and he deserves to know how you feel for what he's done, but you providing him with an excuse to behave the way he does (in his mind at least). As long as you keep engaging him like this you keep giving him excuses to make you out as the bad person in the relationship.

From what I've read you don't sound detached. Rather you sound bitter about things and your husband pushes your buttons to get a reaction from you (which you provide).

You are much better off to stay CALM and COLLECTED even in the situations where he's been stupid. You can let him know he's crossed the line without "going after him".