YR - thank you. I keep reading about your sitch - watching it go back and forth and on and on and on. One of these days things will make sense. Protect you. I know your heart is with God and He will not forsake you at all. Hang in there friend.
brue
I'm alive, I'm happy - why shouldn't I tell the world I've got my head screwed back on just fine. Life is good for the Brue!
so i've gotten nothing done today that needed to be done...... or did it?
It was a day to read the boards and glean wisdom, comraderie, and light-hearted fun. Mostly i saw much wisdom in many places today (while I stuffed food down my throat - man - did i go on a binge today = big fat binge. I hope I don't gain that 25 pounds back in one day - cuz the rate i was going today it could happen!!!)
Anyway - I look forward to bedtime tonite just to sit and ponder and read and sleep in peace. Have a rehearsal first which doesn't start til 8pm and won't be home til 9:45. just don't feel like going out tonite - but since I didn't even get my a$% out to the barn to work today on orders - i'd better do something constructive.
but thanks for much thotful insite today on the board. it has been a good day.
brue
I'm alive, I'm happy - why shouldn't I tell the world I've got my head screwed back on just fine. Life is good for the Brue!
You are right. And I'm the one who posted that comment. I do agree with you. While I do wish tihngs were different with H and I, and I do miss my old life, I don't miss who i used to be. This experiecen forced me to become teh kind of person my kids can look up to -- not something I could have said a year ago.
Brue, It's always so lovely to have you visit us and share where you are on your journey, what you are learning about yourself, your relationship with God and your relationship with your H.
You are such an example of grace and forgiveness and compassion.
So wonderful to hear that things continue to move along.
Quote: You are such an example of grace and forgiveness and compassion.
too kind, BA, too kind - but it is a goal to say the least. Could anything be better for our hearts to heal then to truly be graceful, forgiving and compassionate? Ah, what a world we would live in. I believe they call that heaven!
Aid- I'm actually glad you wrote those words today because it gave me a day of thinking! Something I needed and then such wonderful responses for me to also "think" about. I just read something Fig wrote on another thread about our potential and if we worked as hard on "us" as we do trying to save our marriages - imagine what we mite become. She has an excellent point. So let's hope I get my butt up tomorrow and take on the world cuz brue is up and rarin' to go. We could all do that for a day and change a life I bet that comes in contact with us. Ya never know!
brue
I'm alive, I'm happy - why shouldn't I tell the world I've got my head screwed back on just fine. Life is good for the Brue!
If you get up off your butt and get going as you say, you will put all of us to shame.
You have dealt with so many issues for the past how may years starting with your H's accident and you have come through it strong. Your H seems to be doing the dance of indecission right now. He, like mine, has never really lost contact with you. He knows that he loves you but does he want to return??? That is the question. Of course he does, but it is a harder decission than any of us think it should be.
I wish I could just sit H down and explain to him that I am trying to buy the house so his creditors that are calling every day can't put a lien on it. My attorney said if that happens that I may have to buy it back at a sherriff's auction and that can be a mess. Since I have given him the proposal on the house, he has not spoken to me. He did sit here almost all morning on the day I gave him the papers and seemed at ease and in no hurry to leave after his first outburst about the D. I just hope we don't have to go to court to get this settled as that could cause lots of hard feelings between us and also with his family, I am afraid. they have all stood firmily at my side through all of this, but when push comes to shove, they are still his family.
We will not get any snow today. I will all stay S of us by Milwaukee and Chicago. This is a good thing. I am looking forward to the 1st snow but not a foot at one time.
I wish nothing but the best for you my friend. I hope my bible study leads me to that special place closer to God than I have ever been before. I do believe he has a great lesson for me in all of this or it wouldn't be happening. This may be the biggest test of my faith ever.
Quote: You have dealt with so many issues for the past how may years starting with your H's accident and you have come through it strong. Your H seems to be doing the dance of indecission right now. He, like mine, has never really lost contact with you. He knows that he loves you but does he want to return??? That is the question. Of course he does, but it is a harder decission than any of us think it should be.
Had to quote you on this one - good point, very good point. When we were first trying to "work" things out before he announced he couldn't do this anymore - I told him I hoped I would be able to pass the test. He said it really wasn't a test but that maybe it was in a way. And when he left he said "no, it's not because you didn't pass the test".
but obviously I didn't pass the test........or did I. We can never really see what good things there are before us unless we go thru these trials.
when he got back from his trip out west a month ago or so and we had the "big" talk - he did say it was no longer me that had to pass any test - it was him that would have to pass whatever test he has on himself. He did say that if he came back he would not let another 17 years go by before he'd leave if he couldn't handle it. Surely I can understand that as I don't want to continue the way things were either.
Life between us now is pretty darn good. Every time I think I won't hear from him for a couple days - he pops up and asks me to go home with him or if he can stay here. It's always yes. We've made love more in the last month than in the last 10 years of the hell we've been thru - it's been a lot. And yes - it's been 10 years of hell for both of us.
but it's a different kind of hell........a true miscommunication kind of hell - not we're imcompatible hell. The way things are now - well......I'm enjoying things because of what he is trying to do. We are music lovers - we've been singing together for years - and even tho I'm not singing with him right now - I get to enjoy going places with him to listen to music and be involved in things I really would have loved all along if we had gone this route.
And I admitted to my cat the other nite that this was pretty good. sometimes I just have the peace and quiet of curling up with the cat at nite and sleeping soundly knowing that I will have 2 or 3 days out of the week I get to cuddle with H - and he has been a huge cuddler - each time gets better I have to say. So I would say - he is doing his best right now to try and keep his independance yet in his way is working on the marriage at the same time. I appreciate that I'm his date when he wants to do something with someone. I really can't complain right now (except about my teeth issues - that is coming to a head i'm afraid...........oh well........such is life).
You're right..........it's been a lot of years for me. I'm ready for the good things that have been happening. I think he's been pretty happy with "us" - but pretty frustrated with himself not being able to get established the way he wants musically cuz he wants it all to happen yesterday - which is difficult to do - not that it can't be done.
guess we're all learning patience.........i surely hope NOT for another 10 years tho.
thanks for your insight...........gives me points to ponder.
brue
I'm alive, I'm happy - why shouldn't I tell the world I've got my head screwed back on just fine. Life is good for the Brue!
Good Morning Brue I read your post to me this morning, thank you. I was feeling really down today and your words really cheered me up. I am also trying to make my home "Christmasy" and get into the spirit of things. So many prayers have been answered and I need to be grateful. I have to keep pressing in even when things are hard. My Husband is becoming more and more like himself and for that I am so grateful. He is trying hard to get things taken care of on his end and it just seems that each time when things are going in the right direction something happens. He has had the flu for the past week and basically slept. He even went to see the Dr and this is a man who never goes to seek medical help. So it just postponed the meeting he was supposed to have to finalize things with the move. Last night he got an email from his work and there is a last minute project that needs to be done and due tomorrow morning. More meetings with clients. It's nuts! I just want this craziness to stop so he can get back home. He calls daily and reassures me that he wants to be with me and the children. That he misses us so much. I do not want doubt to enter my head, I know how I get when I allow the enemy into my head and so I am trying hard NOT to go there. Things will all work out, I know, I just have to be patient. I think I am going back to take a seat in the Refiners fire, I liked it over there, it was much more peaceful.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
I'm just catching up and caught myself grinning like a fool reading your last post. If anybody deserves a happier, easier spell, you certainly do. I'm so, so pleased that you and H have moved to a different phase of your relationship. It sounds wonderful for now, and very hopeful for the longer term.
