AH - Thanks for bringing up my thread. I actually thot about updating it but didn't want to go looking for it since I'm sure it was very far back in the archives somewhere.
it's been too tiring to bother writing lately. Christmas season and all with my jobs - I've been pulled a million directions.
Basic general update about stuff: 1- my teeth are still not fixed but I have the opportunity to visit a dentist from my church because someone apparently left some funds with his office so that I can go in. We'll see what happens with that! I'm kinda scared at the same time - I just really can't chew anything any more - but no one knows that to look at me. So I'm glad I don't look like a total idiot.
2 - it is now 2007 - and it's gotta be better than 2006.
3- I am going to New York City for 2 days next week to see my son and I will get to meet Lissett and I am soooooooo happy about that. The ticket was CHEAP - $83 BUCKS ROUND TRIP. Couldn't drive there for that price. I feel like a rich b*&ch - toodlin' off for a couple of days to the big apple like it's pocket change for me to do so. My son is thrilled. He's tellin' everyone that his mom is comin' and that I've never gone to see him anywhere he's lived since he graduated high school 10 years ago. Guess that shows that I'm learning how to be a big girl - learning how to be cool! (well, I really always have been quite cool - I just don't get on planes to let the country know it!).
how 'bout that? my second trip since H left! Wow - I am impressed with me.
As for H update? I guess that's why I don't write on my thread - too much to talk about I guess. We do spend many nites together back and forth. I still don't sleep well when I'm with him but I take care NOT to leave the bed. I listen to the snoring and put up with it and lay awake half the nite. When he was home - I always left to sleep on the couch so I could get some much needed sleep.
After reading several books (from BND's suggestions) I am learning how much I would have contributed to H's insecurities in general and am truly learning what makes men tick. It's very interesting and has kinda turned my life and thots around with how I view many things. But that's just what goes on when I'm here alone - I read and read.
It seems H wants me in his life. He thanked me last nite for hanging in there with him while he tries to work out his "dreams" in the music area. There are still no answers as to what the future brings. I know he just has no idea how to proceed to "follow the dream" and that kind of puts so many things on hold.
I still feel strongly that God is keeping me going in the right direction. I know I have to continually lean on Him because that is how I function best.
Remember that sewer system that is being forced on me and my neighbors? Most have theirs hooked up. I do not yet, but I'm on the list. Many miracles have happened - I have paid the first $3,000 and have the rest in the bank waiting to pay for the last $1500. My property tax and county tax have also been paid. (Another almost $1900). Can't explain how it's all come about - but one step and one miracle at a time. I have not told H about these things. I feel that I shouldn't. That these things just serve to make him feel worse about some things and there really is no need to go there.
He loves me. We are able to say it to each other often - yet not overdo. But life in general is strained just living and figuring what to do next. I can call him. I can invite him here or myself there and he can do the same. There is still a long way to go with many things.
it's 2007. That alone has to be good. And seeing my son next week in "his" habitat. How great is that? And to meet my buddy Lissett.
well.......does it get any better?
love you guys,
brue
I'm alive, I'm happy - why shouldn't I tell the world I've got my head screwed back on just fine. Life is good for the Brue!
Another beautiful day in Pennsylvania. Who needs to go to Florida with the winter we've been having so far? I am happy today. A haircut, a massage and a day closer to going to NYC to see my son and my friend LISSETT. YAY!
And I am now going to call the dentist to make the appt. for him to check out my problems. That's a big step for me as I am truly full of fear over this one. But I'll handle it. I hate going to the dentist. I just don't find that a pleasant experience and if I had the money all along I would have gone and kept my 6 month appointments so I wouldn't be in such bad shape! I'm sure that's why many do not go to the dentist. The amount that was paid on my last tooth was more than I even earn in one months' time! That's ridiculous. This would be why so many end up losing their teeth.
Ok - i'm done. Remember - I'm a dentists' daughter as well. My poor dad has been rolling over in his grave the last several years over my teeth!!!
Today I choose to get back on the wagon of growth and positive reinforcement in my life. I think I've been spending too much time with my husband. It's been so nice. It really has. But then my mind doesn't stay the course with the improvements it's been making and my regular life gets pretty stagnant with getting my work done. But I am truly putting all my lessons to good work because I feel like H can trust in a conversation with me and it hasn't at all gone back to what it used to be. I really don't care to argue with him or tell him I think he should be doing this or that. Just not my concern. His family wonders about me I know but they love me so go along with me. They (or a few of them) are still a bit pissed with him and he gets let down because they seem to have no interest in him and what he's doing. Makes me look real good because he knows I do stand behind him and support him.
Still don't know what our future holds tho. Maybe cuz the job and financial end for him is so iffy.
guess we'll have to just keep waiting it out and carry on anyway.
brue
I'm alive, I'm happy - why shouldn't I tell the world I've got my head screwed back on just fine. Life is good for the Brue!
AH - didn't say I was getting them fixed - just seeing what's up for now and going from there. It's with fearful anticipation that I head to the dentist tomorrow. As for my dad? Feel free to laugh! I do - tho he wouldn't find it funny at all. But hey - I never said I was perfect! Ya gotta have a sense of humor when you're in pain or you'll really be in pain! The receptionist at the dentist office asked if I had insurance and I said "no" but to talk to Dr. about it since he's the one who informed me about someone giving money toward this. She said "no, she wasn't asking about insurance because of that". I said, now if you're asking about insurance because I'm going to have a heart attack in the dentist chair - well, then I'm covered for that! She laughed. Me too. I won't let myself freak out til I start to drive there - and he's not doing anything tomorrow but an exam and x-rays - and giving me a perscription for drugs incase I end up with a toothache in New York City. Now I've gone for 6 months with a gaping hole in my face but I don't want to be caught off guard while visiting my son and meeting Lissette. That would be ugly.
AND LISSETT - Hooker Boots????????? WTH! You're hysterical!
brue
I'm alive, I'm happy - why shouldn't I tell the world I've got my head screwed back on just fine. Life is good for the Brue!
