Thanks for your reply, this is the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life. We'll have to see how the Christmas trip goes but I have detached and ready to move on with my life without her. I am getting so much positive feedback from other women and I'm loving it!
But I'm still married and I'm going to act like i"m married.
Me: 37 WAW: 31 M: 6 Years No Kids BOMB: 9/4/06 D: 9/16/07 my sitch
I think the reason she doesn't want you to show emotions is b/c she doesn't want to deal with the pain and guilt of her actions. So, if you really want to throw her for a loop....act "As If and Happy" She won't know what hit her.
She will probably get PO'd for a while and that's fine. Just be the person she fell in love with. Get back to YOU.
You have a great opportunity ahead of you and I'm envious. Keep it up man!!
M-35 going on 15 D-8 S- 3 yrs ex-CL(w)- 30
D over one year
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. Douglas Adams "Just Be"
I think the reason she doesn't want you to show emotions is b/c she doesn't want to deal with the pain and guilt of her actions. So, if you really want to throw her for a loop....act "As If and Happy" She won't know what hit her.
She will probably get PO'd for a while and that's fine. Just be the person she fell in love with. Get back to YOU.
You have a great opportunity ahead of you and I'm envious. Keep it up man!!
Thanks CM,
But this will be so hard because I will be around her whole family during that time and W will be watching me like a hawk! So I have to show a different me and the new me. Do things that I normally didn't do before!
Definitely have to act as if and smile like I know something that no one else knows.
Me: 37 WAW: 31 M: 6 Years No Kids BOMB: 9/4/06 D: 9/16/07 my sitch
I think the reason she doesn't want you to show emotions is b/c she doesn't want to deal with the pain and guilt of her actions.
How can someone realistically think that this crap is not going to hurt the other person and guilt and pain is a result of her actions, so she has to take some responsibility for her actions. What if by doing this (the separation) that she might damage this beyond repair? Then that’s the guilt that she will have to deal with for the rest of her life and some other woman is going to have a great man! She know that I am a great guy and use to tell me all the time, so that’s why this is all a shock to me.
So, if you really want to throw her for a loop....act "As If and Happy" She won't know what hit her. She will probably get PO'd for a while and that's fine.
She’s already acting PO'd because I sound so calm and laid back when I talk to her on the phone and I look so good when I see her and she can’t stand it. It’s killing that I’m doing so good without her and it’s driving her crazy!
Me: 37 WAW: 31 M: 6 Years No Kids BOMB: 9/4/06 D: 9/16/07 my sitch
The WAW doesn't think about others. They are very selfish and self-centered. That is why they don't do certain things or say certain thing....it brings up feelings in THEM that THEY don't want to deal with. You ASSUME that they should feel a certain way and EXPECT them to feel that way. You can't do this. Just focus on YOU!
Your W is mad b/c she notices those changes and you didn't do them sooner. Keep it up. The more consistant you are, the more she will see the changes as being permanent!!
M-35 going on 15 D-8 S- 3 yrs ex-CL(w)- 30
D over one year
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. Douglas Adams "Just Be"
The WAW doesn't think about others. They are very selfish and self-centered. That is why they don't do certain things or say certain thing....it brings up feelings in THEM that THEY don't want to deal with. You ASSUME that they should feel a certain way and EXPECT them to feel that way. You can't do this. Just focus on YOU!
I am getting better, I'll stop thinking that way.
Your W is mad b/c she notices those changes and you didn't do them sooner. Keep it up. The more consistant you are, the more she will see the changes as being permanent!!
Yes W is pissed and I think that she thinks that she is starting to loose me and someone else is going to grab me!
Me: 37 WAW: 31 M: 6 Years No Kids BOMB: 9/4/06 D: 9/16/07 my sitch
WAW called me this morning and said that she just wanted to check in with me. (WTH) I have no idea why she did that, but I was just so pleasant to her on the phone. I told her that I was running late because I had to box up and ship some items that I sold on the Bay. She has wanted me to sell my extra toys for a long time and I’m doing them now that she’s gone!
Me: 37 WAW: 31 M: 6 Years No Kids BOMB: 9/4/06 D: 9/16/07 my sitch
Ok, I just set DBing back about 100 years 30 min ago. I let W drag me into an argument and I took the bait hook, line and sinker!!!! W told me she was going by the house to pick up some clothes for our trip. So guess who decides to leave work early? W was POed because I showed up, she said that she didn’t feel safe with me there!?? (WTH) She was bi+ching about me buying new clothes and that the house was clean. W said that I didn’t do that when she was there and that she couldn’t take the guilt of seeing me at the house.
CM, you were so right about the guilt! W was crying the whole time she was here.
But I was just telling WAW that I wish that I could have saw the separation coming and that hindsight is always 20/20. And that I wish I knew then what I know now, but she kept saying how lonely that she was and that she didn’t do enough for herself.
But at the end the argument she told me that she would call me Thursday so she can come by and leave her car in the garage, so we could ride to the airport together. I told her that was fine and that I was really sorry for some of the things that I said. I also told her I was angry and that anger is just a feeling of being hurt. I also told her that I do not want to talk about the R when we’re in Connecticut over Christmas, but I know her all too well. If I don’t say anything she will bring it up, I’ll have to just bite my tongue and put up my stop sign up.
Boy, what a ride today!!!!
Me: 37 WAW: 31 M: 6 Years No Kids BOMB: 9/4/06 D: 9/16/07 my sitch
W said to me yesterday that she didn't trust me, I'm thinking (WhatTH!) She said that she didn’t know if I had cheated on her or not? Ok again I’m thinking (WhereTH is this stuff coming from?) That’s not me and that’s not who I am.
So I was at the local store last night and I run into one of W friend's (Lori) exhusband. He told me that an old neighbor of W friend (Nancy) was telling him that her boyfriend (Michael) had been cheating on Nancy for the last year and a half and they broke up. Nancy was married to a guy (Steve) for 7 years and he was cheating on her for the entire time they were married and together for 13 and a half years. So Nancy was being cheated on the last 15 years by two guys, I don’t think she has the best opinion of men at the moment. Nancy use to tell W how lucky she was. W told me yesterday when we talked that her and Nancy had talked before she came over to the house and that her and Nancy talk all the time. So I wonder if Nancy’s putting things into W’s head? Even though W told me that Nancy was never a good friend to her and now that’s who she’s listening to? Man, go figure! I have learn to back off with the snooping and spying, it’s amazing the things that God will reveal to you when you let go and let him! And I do believe that this encounter last night was his will and him allowing me some information that I needed, because I was not going to stop by that store, it was a last minute decision
I sent W a TM at 6:00A this morning to tell her that: “I have never cheated on you, I honor you and our marriage. I’m not most men.”
W sent me a TM in response and I was not going to answer her back, but she called shortly after that. She ask me what was wrong? (I never told W that I saw Lori’s XH and what he told me.) I told her that I had a dream (I did have a dream about being a falsely accused cheater) and I was vague about the details of my dream except for she accused me of cheating. I reiterated to her that I am not like most men, I know that she already knew this but I had let her hear me say that! WAS’s sometimes forget the reason they married us and how wonderful we really are! I know I went against DBing principals and defended myself, but that’s a serious claim and I had to say something about me not being a cheater!
Names have been changed.
Two Question:
1. Do I tell WAW what I found out at the store last night? 2. Was defending myself in that sit OK?
Me: 37 WAW: 31 M: 6 Years No Kids BOMB: 9/4/06 D: 9/16/07 my sitch
1. Do I tell WAW what I found out at the store last night?
2. Was defending myself in that sit OK?
1. I would not waste time mentioning the meeting with Lori's XH. Your interactions with your W are important and should not be weighted down by the drama other people may create. Take the info. given and use it to understand your W's statements about cheating, that's all it is useful for anyway. If it extends beyond information then it is just gossip and once that is involved, things never end well.
2. Defending yourself is just fine. When you feel like you are being attacked with false accusations, it is only natural to plead your case. Perhaps she was testing the waters and looking for some hints in your response (we women do that!). Your denial text was sufficient, nicely worded as a matter of fact. Let it be with that and continue your DBing. Her calling you after just shows she was intrigued and be please with the fact that you got her to start a dialogue...always a plus
