Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again Just getting started piecing it back

you have some fabulous friends here and they are giving you great advice,, for sure stop taking temperature!

I made mini goals for myself like the DR book says and promised myself not to take temp until say 4 weeks from now and even when I waited til my day,, the results were not always what I wanted to hear.

It is like being a kid in a candy store,, OR you feel her coming around and you just want to fast forward to the good part,,,, like people always told me this is not a sprint it is a Marathon,,,,,

.... you are doing great just try to detach a little more like they are telling you,, be there for her and listen to her and let her know ( do not literally tell her ) that you are leaving the door open for her ,,,
THIS is very hard but I know you can do this.

I felt like my H was playing with me too,,, I went thru exactly what you are feeling and I coined it like do I continue to play house or do I stop? I felt like a fool for loving him and he was just sooooooooooo lost. One of my threads was even titled FOOL IN LOVE,,,

I ALWAYS TRIED TO REMEBER TO JUST ENJOY THE BLESSING WHEN HE WOULD BE HOME EVEN THOUGH INSIDE MY HEART WAS BREAKING,,
AND IT SEEMED THE STRONGER I GOT AND THE MORE I LET GO AND JUST TRUSTED THE WHOLE PROCESS THE MORE "safe" HE FELT WITH ME.

We have been Reconciled @ 5 months now and it is still like we learning more and more about one another,, and we have been Married for ten years ..... and every month that goes by we both get more comfortable that this is going to be ok.It takes time.

Keep up the good work and keep believing and praying...
God bless....

TL & Alimari,
Thanks for helping me through this bs. I think some how or another I will become a better person through all of this.

Jerst!!

Don't think.....DO. YOU will become a better person through all of this. It's inevitable. Just take a quick glance back at where you've been in this amount of time and where you are headed!!!

You are on your way my friend.!!

Ok I think I am detaching, but here is what happened...
W called and left 2 messages last night. By the time I got them, I was drunk as a skunk. I waited till this morning to return the call. We spoke on the phone briefly. She asked me if my girl friend was with me last night and I said listen, I don't have a girl friend nor do I want a girl friend. She asked if the girl I met a while back was there and I said no, I have to go now and we hung up. (wanted to let her know that I would not let our conversations go in that direction) when she talks to me like that it makes me want to start asking her about her friend and that goes no where. Waited till lunch time and I called her and asked if she wanted to have lunch with me. She told me to meet her at the park because she did not want to eat. We met and things got phisical in a good way. She said that was alot more fun than the last time we had lunch at the park. (we argued) When I got back to work she had sent me an e-mail that said... THANKS FOR LUNCH!!!!! I replied my pleasure, maybe I could take you to lunch again sometime. My question is... Is this going good or am I doing things wrong? I seem to be enjoying myself but I don't know if I am setting myself up for more heartbreak.

it is normal to have misgivings, so much has happened, but don't let fear rob you of a good chance of getting back w/her, conquer your fear, we all here put our heart on the line again. During the first months of having our Ss back lots of us here wonder when the other shoe is going to drop, it's because we've been through so much.

I think you are doing great, don't sick yourself w/what ifs, you are giving her space and she seems to be coming to you, even if there is a setback later on, it is bound to happen, you guys are learning to trust/know each other over again.

Hey Grasshopper, did you give up on me?

Hi jersting. I'll quote you in bold.

Waited till lunch time and I called her and asked if she wanted to have lunch with me. She told me to meet her at the park because she did not want to eat. We met and things got phisical in a good way. She said that was alot more fun than the last time we had lunch at the park. (we argued) When I got back to work she had sent me an e-mail that said... THANKS FOR LUNCH!!!!! I replied my pleasure, maybe I could take you to lunch again sometime. My question is... Is this going good or am I doing things wrong?

This is very, very good. She seems to be coming back into the fold. You might just mentally prepare yourself that she might pull back a little, but so far she seems to be returning to your orbit.

when she talks to me like that it makes me want to start asking her about her friend and that goes no where.

Why? Revenge? What good can come of this? Is this likely to get you closer or farther away from your goal?

While it's natural to have that reaction/think that way, it's critical to suppress any urges to act on thoughts like this. Doing that would probably set you back some.

Is this going good or am I doing things wrong?

What are her responses telling you? I know what they're telling me, and I'm just sitting here on the outside.

I seem to be enjoying myself but I don't know if I am setting myself up for more heartbreak.

What is life without taking risk?

As I posted on my thread, this quote from one of toughlover's posts:

as someone once said, Sometimes the riskiest action is to play it too safe.

If you're going to take the risk of reaching out to your W, trying to regain her love, you do risk setting yourself up for heartbreak.

What would be worse, to run the risk of heartbreak, and maybe have it happen? Or to never try in the first place?

If you didn't take the risk, what would happen. You'd eventually have to move onto another relationship? And then have the same decision to make there......

You're getting the responses you want. Keep doing what works. You keep reaching out, and get the response you want.

Take care,

I took the kids home this morning and they asked W what she did last night. She told them she went out with a friend. I felt her car hood on my way in the house and it was warm. I asked where she stayed last night and she said she came home late but she stayed home. I wish I would not have asked. I don't know why they have to lie so much. I could call the friend she said she went out with, but I don't know if I should do that or not. Will the WAW ever be honest with us?

They aren't honest b/c they don't want tto cause anymore hurt. Leave it alone Sir!

The minute I start questioning their actions is the minute I start heading down the dreaded road of assumptions.

I believe that GH once told me "if you are going to assume, you have to assume evvery possibility!" Not just the ones that get us all riled up.

Let it be and act "AS IF". Easier said than done. The lies hurt and cause damage...but you are basising it as a lie off of an assumption. Maybe she went to the store early this morning for something?!?!

Thanks CM, If you think of a way to smack me with a 2x4, let me have it. That seems to help me stay on track.