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I appreciate you coming over and helping me. I am genuinly trying to change. I am begining to understand that if I want to stay married to my wife I have to accept what I get from her. I know that she is a perfect woman with things that she does that makes me nuts. I know that she does not do these things on purpose to hurt me, but it does. So I have always been one to take care of my own well being by trying to make people around me the way I want them to be. I pray that I can become a better person and husband to my wife and I pray that God will help me with this because what I try to do on my own, as you can see, is not the best. I want you to know that I really do love my wife and I am not trying to manipulate her, I am just trying to find my way back into her heart. I don't want her to feel like she is trying to do this for me or the kids, I want her to do it for herself to make herself happy.
I called her today and she sounded happy to hear from me, she told me she was depressed and I didn't know what to say. I told her I was sorry she was depressed. I said that with all that is going on it is hard to not be depressed. I am upset with the situation we are in and I want so bad to be able to make it better but I don't know how. We only talked briefly this morning and she had to get back to work. I decided to call her back this afternoon and invite her and the kids to my place for pizza tonight. She asked me what time and I said how bout 5:30 and she said she would be there. Then she asked if I was sure and I said I am absolutly sure, are you sure? She replied with I'll be there. I hope you can read this before I am with her tonight to give me some pointers. I know God will give me the answers some how.

Jerst, I actually think you already have the answers to this bud. Tonight, focus on spending quality time with her, she has told you that is important to her ad probably a LL for her. Be fun and energetic with your wife and kids. Have a relaxed mentality and everything you do tonight do in a lving manner. She is begging you to show her that you want her and love her without just saying it. Be the man that you were when you met, energized, happy, glad to be where you are... Most important here, relax, there are no eggshells unless you make them be there. It's your W man, you know her, just relax......

Ian

Yeah! What sofaraway said.

You want her to be able, some day, to see a future with you that is happy, free, light, and loving...not one filled with arguments, hurt, and dwelling on the past. Just show her that tonight by having a good time, no heavy stuff, take the high road no matter what. Lead your family into the future by just letting go of the pain and just being cool. Give her the time and space to get quiet and see that there's more possible than what she might have thought. Be the kind of guy she's going to want to accompany into that future...maybe some day she'll just walk right out of that depression and back into your marriage.

In other words, kick some butt, DB style

I dunno what to say,,, like I said I do not feel like I am real wise and able to give you specific advice or pointers,, I know you love your Wife,, I didnt try to say you are being overtly manipulative,, but trust me I have been thru this and that is how she will see it if it is not genuine,, my h told me I was just acting when I decided to inplement change within myself he was SCARED. He could not trust me to really be this new me....he felt I was just doing this til WHAM I got you again and now I will just sit back and be the old me again....

So this will not just get awesome overnite.

BUT,,

little by little you can do this,, if she is willing to come over tonite FANTASTIC!!!!

I would say be attentive but not overly anxious,, be loving and listen to her and listen some more,, when I stopped talking so much and trying to fix him my H found himself by himself.

it is kind of like what you do for your children you want to guide them but you neeed for them to grow at their own pace in order to be full adults.

She needs you to be strong b/c right now she feels not so strong and by strong I do not mean treat her like she is a kid but be loving and caring and help her to feel like you are really there for her without her feeling like you expect anything.
Again I really do want to help you but it is very hard for me to put in words what exactly for you to do and you know her better than any of us,,

I guess what I can remember is that when my H would come home when we were seperated as hurt as I was,, I would put that all on the back burner and treat HIM like I would an old dear freind.. if he was my old dear freind,, I would not for instance argue with him,, or lecture him, or pressure him into doing things my way and most of all when you have an old friend over and they are your guest you are not watching TV worrying about the bills etc etc...

YOUR FULL ATTENTION IS ON THEM WITHOUT ANY EXPECATATION THAT THEY PLEASE YOU.

YOU CAN DO THIS AND YOUR HEART IS ON THE RIGHT PLACE..

BEST OF LUCK TO YOU WHEN SHE COMES OVER AND REMEMBER GOD IS SURELY BLESSING YOU BY SOFTENING HER HEART TO ALLOW HERSELF TO TRUST YOU TO COME OVER AND SHE WILL BE TREATED WELL.
DO NOT TALK ABUT THE RELATIONSHIP WHILE SHE IS THERE LIKE I SAID LISTEN AND THEN LISTEN TO HER SOMEMORE.... ~~~ ENJOY THIS BLESSING....
You can do this Honey ,, let me know how it goes..
God bless...

The two previous posts are Fantastic and they are sooooo right just be relaxed and be you!!!!!!!!!

~...... she wants to spend time with you ,,, you can do this....
God bless...

Just found you jersting...how's it going...the long and short of it.....I don't quite have the time to read all your posts...got a long weekend with TRIP planned!!!!!

GB,
I'm doing OK. I've been wondering where you've been. Glad to see that you have found me. I found a few posts you have made and I was going to jump in but I did not want to hi-jack. Have a good trip and enjoy yourself.

Quote:

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let me know how it goes

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Last night my family came to my place. I went to store before they got there and bought some cookie dough to put in the oven and have the house smell like home instead of a newly remodeled house. I asked them to come over at 5:30 and had it planned to go pick up pizza the same time they got there. They were late so I went to go get pizza and left the door unlocked. Perfect timing worked out and I pulled in the same time they did. As soon as they came in the cookies were done and the kids were excited to get into them. I told them they had to have some pizza first. I have a small table with 3 chairs and the 3 of them sat down there to eat. I got a plate and asked wife if she would like to sit on couch with me while we ate. She did and we were having a nice time just sitting together and eating. Our S8 came in living room with us and finished eating. This left D10 at table in kitchen by herself. I went into kitchen and asked her to join us in living room and she declined. We all finished eating and I asked D to pick a movie and put in. Everything was real nice. W sat right next to me on the couch and D sat right next to her, son on chair across the room (he is a bit of a loner).

Wife and I acted like teenage daters. I wispered to wife and asked if it would be ok for me to hold her hand. She smiled and put her hand out. At this point my D snuggled up real close to W. We sat enjoying movie and wife and I were wispering back in forth with little bits of nothing just so we could rub our faces together. after a little while, W got up to use restroom and D10 slid over next to me. I told her when mom came back that she would have to move and she didn't say anything. W came back and D10 didn't move to let W sit down next to me so I said xxx you are in mom's seat. W walked back over to kitchen and D said something to her, W did not hear what she said so she said what did you say xxx. D10 screamed back at wife and this upset W. She yelled back at D and told her to straighten up. When W came back in and sat down I was telling D to be nice. W was upset from the way D talked to her and I asked wife to just relax and she was ready to leave. (they had only been there about 1 hour at this point). I wispered in W's ear, please don't let this upset you. I then softly lefted her checks to a smiling face and she smiled.
W went outside to smoke and I asked D10 why she acted that way and she said it was because the way mom and you were acting. I said that we were trying to get back to a better understanding of each other and I hoped that D could understand this was the way things needed to work in order for us to work on getting me back to the house. I asked her to be more understanding of us and to be nice to her mother when things like this happened. wife came back into house and D and S were getting rambunctious (spelling?) (maybe too many cookies) they were fighting and caring on so I split them up. W went into kitchen and asked me to come in there to talk to her. I went in and she told me she didn't mean to plan D birthday party on my weekend and that I could come and pick up the kids on Friday night instead of Sat. and bring them back on Sat. for b-day party. I said that if she had things to do on Fri. I would do that but that was a week away and maybe I would just come over for B-day and stay the night there in the basement if she wanted it to go that way. She asked if I would do that and I said if it would be ok with her. She wanted to try and get into a little R talk and I didn't think that we are at a point to do that especially with the kids right there with us. I just said that I was ready to work on things if she was. She asked why I wasn't ready a couple weeks ago and I said I was, I just didn't know how. I said that I think I know how now, I think and we would take it real slow. Instead of being together full time like we started the last time we would just try to get together when it is convienent for both of us. She agreed and the R talk was ended by me asking her for a kiss. I was expecting a peck and I got a open mouth lip lock. (wow it was great and she walked away with a "whew that was nice").
After this short 3 minute talk, we started rounding up the kids to leave and we all hugged and they left. They ended up staying about 2 hours total and I told W I was happy she came over and she said she was happy also. She called me this morning to ask me to help her with her checking acount that was over drawn and I asked what she wanted me to do. She asked me to call the bank and transfer money from our savings account to our checking account. I said I would and called her back after that and let her know I done that. She seemed very pleasant and I said I had a nice time last night and she said she did too. I left it at that and told her that I needed to go get some work done now and we said bye. (not talk to you later, GH).
This ended up being alot longer than I thought, but I wanted to include as many details as I could so you all could get it all. I hope you will let me know what you think.

I have a question.
My wife wanted me to transfer 100 from the savings to the checking to cover the overdraft that she done in the check book. My lawyer told me not to touch any of the savings accounts during this period. So I called the bank (the president is my good friend) and asked my friend to put 100 in the checking acount and I would pay him back tomarrow when I see him.
I am under a court order to pay my wife 100 a week plus the bills at the house where she and the kids live. She is supposed to pay her car payment, a bank loan she has and the grocieries. (she has not made the last car payment because we had it paid ahead before we seperated.)
Now to the question... She has expressed to me that she is broke and she has to use the 100 she gets from me to take care of the mistake she made with checking account. Should I go ahead and pay back the banker and also give her the 100 or should I use the 100 that I give her and pay the banker? I am not broke persay, but I owe alot of money to my friends on things that I have purchased to fix up the house I am in and I am paying them as I get paid here at work. I am spending money that I don't have and for the first time in my life living paycheck to paycheck because I cannot touch any of my savings accounts. I am not worried about where I am going to get money from because I know that we are provided with what we need in life. I wonder if I help her too much if she thinks I will do that after D. Or should I let her struggle and see what it will be like if she is without me? I make alot of money and there are not too many people around here that my wife can find that can take care of her and the family the way I have been able to. Any suggestions out here?

blah, blah, blah...

She agreed and the R talk was ended by me asking her for a kiss. I was expecting a peck and I got a open mouth lip lock. (wow it was great and she walked away with a "whew that was nice").

WOW. That blah blah blah was not a "dis" of the rest of your post but this part got my attention.

GH