Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Exposing the affair...

My opinion was/is not to expose it. At least, I didn't to everyone because I felt it wasn't my place to do so. Yes, I was betrayed and told only a couple of people the truth but really, it just isn't anyone's business and in the long run didn't change or affect the outcome.

I have been reading and I have to say that on some level I see both sides, Although I exposed A to my MIL as she and my SIL both had asked W if there was someone else. After they asked that she became somewhat distant to them and even though I have issues I have to overcome whether it works or not and MIL says she is not going to confront her more that now they know what they know we will all pray that W sees my changes and thinks twice before going down the D road for all of our sakes not just the kids. W and family are from a very strict religion.
She even sought guidance from Pastor (MC) to see what her Biblical options were and he said that they were not in the business of breaking up marriages but rather rebuilding.
I havent done the best job at DBing but we are still in the same house and other than my talks of R or A I am becoming a better person - Besides this guy has 3 kids and 2 divorces himself. I told W several times if she thought she would be happier somewhere else then I would do whatever but I would not tell our kids that we mutually wanted to split b/c if they spent more time with her thay would probably look at me as the bad guy and I shouldn't be put in that position.
At first I was willing to take all the blame for where and how we got here but the more I thought and the fact that she wouldn't have liked it if I did that to her I exposed.
Sorry for the long post.

Hello everyone

I face this dilemma too at the moment - well a sort of a variation of it: do I communicate with the OM - and I would really appreciate any input anyone has on my predicament. See my "current thread" below.

Many thanks

Peter

I did expose my WAH-MLCer's out of state A back in June, after he had already broken it off, but I didn't know.

In hind site, I wish I had stopped snooping & had not done it. Too bad I didn't know about DR then.

Now that we have been separated 4 months, I learned 3 weeks ago that he is having another A.

I have chosen not to expose it & let it run it's natural course. (last one lasted 6 months) Let friend/OW make the mistakes, or when I am served papers, it will come out.

THIS however, is extremely hard to do. The internal turmoil & stress for us, the LBS, is already high, but w/this new secret, it makes things even tougher. Then the holiday season doesn't help either.

From my personal experience, if you can wait it out, don't expose the A. Let the WAS live their double life & work through their MLC.

I have only told a few folks close friends. Don't plan on broadcasting. The whole EA thing brings it into perspective. I was blaming myself for her WAW moves, now I know she wants a lifestyle that she thinks she cannot have in our marriage. New car, fancy house, world travel. With 3 kids and self employed that is not going to happen. She is materialistic and thinks she can do it on her own or via a new relationship (he is a doctor!). My ally is her guilt and concern about her reputation. I like her guilt better. Last night I gave her articles about EA. She had never heard of the concept thus kept using the "just friends" line. Sorry late night phone calls, seeing him even though with the kids and his kids just about every weekend is not "just friends" She should gather that from the articles, of course she may still be in complete denial. Sad thing is how do you explain this to the kids?

I exposed my H's affair....I then contacted the OW....even though the affair lasted a bit after that it fizzled quickly....OW didn't want to have to live with what I had told her....I was blindsided....had no clue that my H was unhappy....that he would even consider leaving us....I poured my heart out to her BEFORE I was able to confirm that they really had met/sex....my H then told me that he was considering marriage with her....well....I guess that didn't fly to well because pretty much after I burst her balloon....and she had to face that I was not an unloving, uncaring, cold hearted wife but that I really and truly loved him, the affair didn't seem so right....she actually said in tears, "I am feeling guilty and I haven't even done anything."....well that was a lie because they had slept together.....but she did feel guilty and I think that quenched the flame enough that she decided it wasn't worth pursueing...

I realize I probably got of easy with his OW....it was still well over a year before he returned to our town and began reconnecting with me....which was good....because I didn't feel like he came back to me because it failed with her....he returned because he wanted his family....including me back.....

I think all situations are different....but for me when my H had an EA and PA....both times I made personal contact with the OW....both times it killed the whole mess....

right or wrong....I won in the end....