OK, this drives me nuts! W asked me this morning about babysitting arrangements for the banquet Saturday night. She had told me that a friendsdaughter could look after the kids that night. Our eldest did not want to go there so we told D to give us her reasoning behind not wanting to go there by the next day and we would consider an alternative, if she didn't we would go ahead with these plans. D has never been there and probably just shy. D said nothing. this morning W says "what is happening Sat. night re babysitting?" I said "I thought ..." and she said "It was supposed to be discussed the next day and never was". I called my parents because that was the alternative arrangement to see if they could, if necessary, fill in. I also asked W to check on first arrangement and go with it if it was still open to us. My mother asked about the other arrangement, as she thought (after talking with me earlier in the week) it was taken care of. I said "Oh, I guess W forgot to check, busy and all" and W loudly stated "I did not forget, it was not discussed" so I said " OK, it was not discussed, fine" (Yes, I know I embarrassed her by telling mom that she "forgot", I knew it as soon as the words left my mouth!). But this is what pisses me off. She won't take responsibility. What is wrong with saying "I never got to confirming the arrangements, are your parents still available?" It's her friggin work dinner, not mine. She knew arrangements had not been "discussed" while I, on the other hand, had believed they were (and noted such on our family meeting minutes, which she never read!). Emotionally I react because I feel (note the word feel here versus fact) that she thinks "Oh yes, one more example of our poor communication and why we should not be together". I also feel by her not taking responsiblity that it is MY job and I fell short AGAIN! I know these thoughts are ME and may not reflect her beliefs at all, but they are still there. I will just push them aside today and try and recognize them as "just thoughts" not fact! I also think about earlier in the week when I suggested we take a day off work to Xmas shop for the kids together. This would stop me from being the main purchaser of gifts and be more a team effort. Her response to my suggestion was "I don't know". Does she want to make this issue better or not? she bitches but doesn't do anything even when I make the first move to improve things. I'm not saying "love me" for it, but make some Fing effort to change the things "you" don't like. Oh well, enough bitching. I will not let this ruin my day Any thoughts appreciated.
Just a quick additional thought: My best friend has always said my W won't take any responsiblity for the R or her part in it, she just blames me for any perceived inadequacies. I can't make her take R. I guess I just motor on here.
I wanted to reply because I didn't want you to think nobody was paying attention.
Concerning the spa package... Does it involve a Geisha girl walking on your back or anything like that? I was playing basketball with the youngsters yesterday and my back is all cranked up. I could sure use that package if the W can't appreciate it.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
Well A, thanks for responding. I know it was Thanksgiving down there for you guys, apparently a big event. Up my way, it was just another day (our Thanksgiving is in Oct)! The spa package envelope has now disappeared from where she keeps it (in plain view)so I will assume she's dealing with it. Geisha? I never thought of that, maybe I'll get a package for myself!
I phoned my W to ask about the babysitting arrangements. I couldn't remember who was going to do what after this mornings brief interaction, as I was rushing out the door. I just asked her to let me know once she knew so I could let my mom and dad know whether they were needed or not. I also apologized for having embarrassed her by telling my mother that she (my W) had forgotten to make the arrangements. W said it was no big deal. So, I at least took responsibility for my part in this mornings adventure and that's really all I can do. What she does with it is up to her. What she does with her part is her business!
Another quick thought: Sometimes I wonder if I should be apologizing for these things. Part of me says, "yes, what I did was wrong, it wasn't intentional but it embarrassed her therefore it was wrong" So, it is right to apologize. On the other hand, I think "am I looking like a wimp for apologizing and maybe leaving the impression that I am taking full responsibility?" Just something that flashes through my mind right now. I do believe that it is always best to do the right thing and apologizing for what I did was the right thing (I guess )
You are so PC at times...how was Thanksgiving? Mine went very well...the past is gone...no regrets, remorse, just complete freedom...very content. It's amazing how some things just turn out...
1210, up in the great white north we have Thanksgiving in October. Glad yours was good. I just came back from the gala banquet! In preparation for this night I got a haircut and bought some new duds (and looked pretty good, if I may say so). We had a really nice time. It was good to feel like a couple. I was the only guy to help his wife get seated, pulling out her chair and tucking it in like a gentleman. That made me look good! She noticed and thanked me for it. I did suggest we dance (it was the Rhumba) she looked at me and said "No way!". She's still a little hesitant about showing off our amazing dance expertise I was ready to go for it but I must say a little relieved when she declined.Much of the night I sat with my arm around the back of her chair. She was quite sweet for the whole evening. She even asked me what it was like to eat meat again after 10 months. I put away my vegetarianism for one night as there really was no choice (it was roast beef, yuk!). You know, when you haven't eaten meat for a while it's kind of a gruesome experience. We got home about midnight and so ends our night to remember. It really was a nice night and cost us very little as it was paid for by her employer. That always works for me! Thanks for dropping by 1210.
I'm so glad that you both had fun and it turned out great. You probably made each man a bit peevished when you "sat" your W down. How utterly romantic and polite.
Gosh - I was hoping you would have done a little dancing. Maybe next time.
Get this! I came downstairs and W was teaching our youngest the Jive. Here's the convo:
Me: Hey, you're lucky. Mom wouldn't dance with me last night! W: You never asked me Me: Yes, I did. I said "do you want to dance" and you said "No" W: You didn't say "WOULD" you like to dance, that is how you ask someone to dance, so that means you never really asked me! Eldest daughter says "You two sound like us kids right now"
God, I hope that was just a fun way of W messing with my head. If not, my ship is on its way down and fast
Man, I had one of those communication short circuits the other day too. I forget what it was about but I asked my wife if she would like my help. She said no. Later, she insinuated that it didn't get done because I didn't help. I told her that I had offered my help, and she told me I hadn't. I told her that it was and still is an offer - guess what, she responded by telling me that I wasn't offering, if I was I would have phrased it differently!
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
Any thoughts appreciated.
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I was ready to go for it but I must say a little relieved when she declined.Much of the night I sat with my arm around the back of her chair. She was quite sweet for the whole evening. She even asked me what it was like to eat meat again after 10 months. I put away my vegetarianism for one night as there really was no choice (it was roast beef, yuk!). You know, when you haven't eaten meat for a while it's kind of a gruesome experience. We got home about midnight and so ends our night to remember. It really was a nice night and cost us very little as it was paid for by her employer. That always works for me! Thanks for dropping by 1210.