Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again It's going slow, but i still have hope

Nothing new to write, while I miss h, a part of me does not. Is that terrible to say? I don't have to dread his tension that he felt when here at times, so I enjoy coming home again. I am beginning to question my love for him and that scares me, maybe it is because I don't know what he feels for me anymore, so if I detach my feelings it won't hurt so much... I just don't know, if I could have some small hint that he wants to even try, and maybe him asking to come watch movie and do laundry is a hint or is it a chance to do laundry. So much to think about.
SUe

Hi Sue...I think we are on the BB at the same time . Thanks for your continued interest and comments on my situation...you always have a way of making me feel good!

If you want to chat...write me at scprevost@hotmail.com (I'm also on MSN...so it can be in real time if you are also on it!!! )

Steph

Hi Sue,
The thoughts, doubts, feeling you express as you transition through the phases of detachment are all quite normal. Hang in there Sue ... it will not stay this way.

(((( HUGS ))))

Morning, Sue!

I'm right there with you coping with the stages of detachment. But we just plug along because what we're doing is the right thing.

Hope that you have a good weekend over in IL. Mine will be a bit busy - and that's always a good thing...

Thanks for the cheer ups. I talked to h this a.m. about phone bill and asked him if he would want to go to late show of Harry Potter, he said he had some things to do at church, but would see. I take that as no, maybe I should not ask him to do anything right now. Let him make the calls, but knowing him as I do, he will take the silence as not caring, also should I tell him I miss him, or is that way too much pressure?
Sue

sue this is the second time I have seen you mention that you assume or rather in your words know that if you give your h the space he moved out to get he will assume you do not care. I don't see that, it is very clear that you do care for your h infact you love your h and that i'm sure he knows. I don't think it nessisary for you to call him and ask for "dates" he is comming to you even if to do laundry and hang out a bit, he is still spending time with you. let the time spent together be on his terms and at his request I do not believe that h will think you don't care if you don't call or ask to do things together infact I think that if you don't but are receptive and happy to hear from him when you do, you will be showing him that you care enough to give him the time and space that he left for.
I know it is not easy, but let h have his space, enjoy the space you now have (and yes it is ok to enjoy the lack of tension in the home doesn't mean you don't love him just means you are ok just being you and escaping the drama)

hope you enjoy the weekend, we're expecting snow here!
LL

LL, you are right, I am still worrying about what to do, say, how to act. It has only been a week that he is gone, yet after 24 yrs together except for a few business trips he made, I found it hard to come home tonight, we always made pizza or ordered it out. I was doing some sewing nad h called (he had been to get groceries-first time by himself) and asked me if I wanted to go to late movie!!Of course I said yes, and it was a great movie. We talked quite a bit about stuff, not r talk, just other stuff, he seems so relaxed, yet I felt tense on being sure I said the right thing. I really need to work on just being the me he married, but I thought I have been and somewhere something went wrong, but not necessarly with me, as he said this is about him. Oh well, I told him to have a good day with church youth tomorrow and I would see him at night(meeting friends to hear nephew play in band)I am really very lucky and should appreciate what I still have. I even commented that I did not have much cash and he took $40.00 out and put on table. I am concerned about our money, as we struggled at times before (and I like to spend)and I don't see how we are going to maintain two households.I have to go back to our early years of really watching it.
Sue

I am so angry right now, I thought I would come here and vent. It is not at my h, but my family, my sisters are judging the sitch without knowing all of it, and that is no ones bussiness but my h and mine. They say people have been asking them the past few weeks if we are together, as far as I know no one knew anything before our kids found out about the move last week. I do have a distant relative that happens to work for the apartment complex that h rented from,(I did not know she did) so of course blab, blab blab. They are blaming h for everything, as they see him abandoning me and kids, they have friends of friends that have seen h bowling with ff and out afterwards and job functions with ff, so the assume, I am very paranoid about what people think, and I have learned the hard way about judging and gossiping without knowing the true facts. My sister said "If our BIL rented an apartment that I worked at wouldn't you tell your h or me"? I said absoluely not, that is how rumors get started, she knows I work in the court system and I have seen and heard plenty, but would never run and repeat. This I feel is one of the new leaves in my life that I have turned over, as I obviously come from a family of let's blow everything up and repeat. I told sister that Christmas will be different, not because h does not want to be a part of my family, but because I will not be a part of the family that is quick to blame him for everything, and not make him feel welcome.
Question, should I tell h my feelings on all this?? I don't want him to think that I have been telling my sister all these bad things about he and ff. Last spring, when I was at a low of what I thought was going on, I told her some of those feelings, and she can not change her mind, now that i feel like I was the one that was wrong about the r between them.I feel better now, it helps to get it out.....
Sue

if it makes you feel better to defend YOURSELF then do so, but do not make excuses for h. actually I would simply state to anyone who bothers to interfere "well meaning friends and family" that you are handeling the sit just fine and that they do not have all the facts.

understand though that though you can be angry at them if you wish, they are simply meaning to protect you, after all they did see h with ff out and about and now he's moved out. people do make assumptions you yourself did too about ff.

just focus on you and how you feel let others think and feel what they want!!
LL

LL,I know I need to feel what is right, I just needed someone else to tell me that. Maybe because I did feel like something was going on with ff, is why i want to defend him now.Is it wrong to want to protect him from horrible assumtions? We have been around here a long time, know alot of people, and it is sad when you feel like everyone is pointing the nasty finger at you.I should not have to justify anything, and in the end whatever happens to our m, people will still talk and wonder. I am hoping that they will see us happily ever after, but I am not getting into the dream world, I know the chances are either way right now, but i feel sooo good about some parts of my life, I want it all to be good.
Sue