Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy My husband cheated

I'm sorry you find yourself here adn I'm sorry you may be hearing what you don't want to hear.

I hate to say i do agree with the previos posters. However, some key questions need to be answered, as the prviosu posters asked... how long were they D before you became serious. The general rule of thumb is to wait 1 year after a D to date and somethign like 3 or 5 years after the D to remarry. This is becuase of the unresolved feelings that still need to be worked through about the failed M.

I, too, was told that my H didn't lvoe me anymore and that he didn't want to stay together just for the kids. I was told my M was in the toilet for years (news to me) adn taht nothing would ever change. I was told our M could never improve. That was in January. In May, H came back and sang a different tune. Now, I am by no means out of the woods with h, but that's another story. My point is, your H may be trying to justify his failed M by saying they stayed together for the kids. How long were they M?

I'm so sorry your'e hearing all this. I understand the pain fo not wantint to lose the love of your life. I am in the same boat. My H is teh love of my life, but the way he's treated me over this past year has been absolutely horrible. I am now faced with the same question as you, which is do I let go of hte love of my life, or live in fear that the A will continue. In your case, the XW will be in the picture forever.

I feel terrible beign so negative about it. But teh fact that it's the xw is a bit of a red flag. That plus the fact that it's only months after the M started.

Wow, I am sorry to hear about your situation. But everyone brings up very valid points. My H and I are 6 months post my discovery of his 2 year A and we still have strong feelings for one another, sleep in the same bed, live together and just came back for a 4 day weekend together, but the trust is gone.

We are and have been thinking about calling it quits. This morning, he wakes up and tells me, "you do realize that if I leave you for OW, I am going to wind up cheating on her with you." What kind of BS is that? But I honestly believe him when he said it, but I definitely will try to seduce him, because I'll want him back.

My H and I have been together for 16 years since we we both 19 and raise to kids together. We have a connection that we both know is undenialable, but rebuilding trust is hard especially since he still works with the OW and she is dying to marry him to start a family of her own.

So be careful- I believe the W did you favor. They probably still both want each other. But had difficulty reconciling.

runningoutoftime, it is good to know that others are doing the same thing. I feel like a fool and almost like I am in a competition, but we both still have intense feelings, familiarity and an attraction for one another. We had the most amazing sex since the A became public and even more so that we have been thinking about separating. Right now I think the OW is providing a distraction for him. I am under the impression that there relationship is suffering. Like I care... She tried and is still trying to break of my marriage- she isn't entitled to him.

Ald3114,

I can understand your feelings and exactly where you're at. I went through it. The psychology is crazy when you're splitting up, but still have a strong physical connection. I also felt in "competition" with the OW.

When my H and I were in the midst of the D the sex was the steamiest it has ever been (I even went to his apartment once in a trench coat with nothing underneath but a naughty Victoria's Secret bra and thong underware!!!). It was like soccer mom turned lap dancer!

Absolutely crazy... I think emotions get really strange during times like this.

In your case Ald, you are still legally married to your husband so if you want to have sex with him I see no problem in that (as long as YOU can handle the feelings).

I had a lot of conflicting feelings... especially being used. I had to emotionally detach in order to be able to deal with the whole thing. It wasn't easy. And if you make it to piecing... it doesn't necessarily get any easier!