Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Divorced, But Not Done love never fails

I've been keeping up with your thread and my heart is breaking for all the pain you are going through. I haven't anything to add to the advice and comments already provided by others. All I have is this:

Sit in a chair, take your left hand and try to reach your back by going around the right side of your torso. Then take your right hand and try to reach your back by going up and over your left shoulder. Now, close your eyes and squeeze real tight for 5 to 10 seconds.

I'm sure everyone here wishes they could give you that hug in person...but we can't. Yet the imagination is wonderful and if you read the posts here and follow the instructions above, I'll bet maybe...just maybe...you'll feel our arms around you and the support that's being sent your way.

Peace and healing to you.

What a perfect post Oldfool!

{{{LIZ}}}

Liz,

Sorry I haven't been around for you lately. I feel really bad. I have been keeping up with your thread though. After reading some of the new posts, I feel you H is trying to make things look better than what they really are. He comes over in nice clothes and the new jeep to try and rub it in your face. Don't let him. Act like you could care less.

I agree that he needs to stand up and be a man and buy his son some clothes.

Your H will tire of this "new him" before long. The OW will start getting on his nerves before long. They are considered a "rebound" couple and it won't last.

iluv2teach -- My xH didn't even hide his pot smoking around the kids. He was very open about it.

OldFool -- Thanks. A real hug would be nice right about now.

Quote:

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trying_2_stay_positive wrote: They are considered a "rebound" couple and it won't last.

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Thanks for stopping by, trying. I have had a lot of people say this to me but I've read a little about "rebound" relationships and I'm not sure. I thought in order for it to be a rebound, they would have to not be over their previous relationships. A rebound helps you heal over the loss of a relationship. So, I could easily find myself in a rebound relationship if I don't give myself time to heal naturally. But since they are over their previous relationships, I'm not sure that it counts as a rebound. Certainly, they rushed into things...and they didn't spend any quality time alone, working on themselves. That much is true. But I don't think my xH still has any feelings for me at all. He's made it pretty clear (through action and words) that he wants nothing to do with me.

Thanks for stopping by, trying. Sorry it has taken me so long to stop by.... I have had a lot of people say this to me but I've read a little about "rebound" relationships and I'm not sure. I thought in order for it to be a rebound, they would have to not be over their previous relationships. I am not totally sure on this. I have not read much on it. A rebound helps you heal over the loss of a relationship. So, I could easily find myself in a rebound relationship if I don't give myself time to heal naturally. I hope you don't do this. I hope you give yourself time to come to terms with everything. You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders. But since they are over their previous relationships, You don't know this for sure!!!! I'm not sure that it counts as a rebound. Certainly, they rushed into things...and they didn't spend any quality time alone, working on themselves. That much is true. They will regret this. They jumped right into something before they were sure of what they really wanted. They only think they want each other. It is just a security blanket for each of them. But I don't think my xH still has any feelings for me at all. He's made it pretty clear (through action and words) that he wants nothing to do with me. Don't give up so easily. My H has told me things like that. He has told me things that have upset me and then a couple days later acted like he never said them. In one sentence he tells me that we should cut the strings and move on with our lives and that he can't be friends with me until we do this. Then in the next sentence he tells me that we can spend the holidays together as a family. They dont know what they want. Right now, they think they know but when it comes down to it they are confused. Your H had OW to push him into going for the divorce but it will backfire on her when your H wakes up from whatever it is he is going thru. He will realize it was a total mistake. He will keep in contact with you (at a minimum) to keep you hanging so he has that security to come back to. This is what I think my H does. He will say he wants out but has not done anything to prove it. He hasn't filed or even seen a lawyer. If I agree about this stuff, he backs down. Just because your H did file and you are divorced, doesn't mean it is over. Wait til he doesn't want to listen to the OW anymore. It seems she pushed him into the divorce and now he is trying to run her life about her XH and kids. They are 2 people that want to be in charge of the other. It won't last. Don't listen to what he says anymore. You don't have to. You are not married to him so he can't run your life. Get out and show him that you are moving on and see how fast he is at your doorstep. Right now he knows you are sitting home and wanting him back. Show him a different you. Show him one that he will hate leaving behind. Don't do this for him, do it for yourself.

Liz,

If you get a chance read some books on co-dependency. You might find them helpful.

Let's suppose your husband has changed, met the woman of his life and is going to find eternal happiness.....

Are you going to let that stop your life? You didn't have the greatest marriage. He wasn't a great husband. You hung on in hope. Why not find someone who thinks you are the greatest gift on this earth? Why not find a guy who wants to be special for you. Let your husband go.... in all those years he couldn't be a great husband. Heck he was a pot head and a lousy provider for his family! I know you say you love him, but gosh there's soooooo much better out there!!!!!! You aren't losing anything great.

Even if he's "great" for her, he wasn't great with you. Let him go and move on with your life.

Yes, I know that's easier said than done and it's incredibly painful. But you can do it.

Hi all. Yes, I'm still alive...just trying to take life day by day and have been avoiding the board a bit because it was bringing me down.

I've had a pretty rough week for lots of different reasons. On Monday, S4 took a pretty bad fall and hit his head. He cut himself in two places (eyebrow, side of eye), bruised his chin and scraped up his nose. I called my xH right away, just to let him know we were on the way to the ER. I didn't even get my sentence out before he snapped at me that there was nothing he could do and said, "Just take him to the ER!" I said, "That's what I'm doing, I was just calling to let you know what's going on." He was a total d-ck, but what else is new? He talked a bit to S4 and then he asked me to let him know how it went at the hospital.

He called me 2 hours later and asked how it was going. At that point, I was still waiting for someone to take care of S4's wounds (which were determined not to be that deep), so I told him that. He was a bit nicer and apologized for not being there at the ER. I said, "I don't need you here, I can handle it. I was only calling to inform you that S4 was injured." He said he appreciated it and then mentioned he had to get back to work.

S4 is fine. The doctor used DermaBond on his cuts, which is basically like super glue. He was happy not to get stitches (this time last year, he got 6 stitches on his forehead).

My xH called on Tuesday evening and I did not answer. He left a message saying he was checking in about S4 and said, "You don't have to call me back, but if you want to, go ahead." I didn't.

Yesterday, my car broke down on the way to D13's school. I called a few friends, trying to hook up a ride to her school to get her and then arrange to get my car towed. I called xH to ask him what he thought about the car (gave him details about what happened; he used to be a mechanic). We talked a bit about it and he seemed frustrated. He said, "I don't have any money and I can't help you," to which I said, "I wasn't asking for help. I just wanted to get your opinion about the car." He told me it would be expensive to fix probably and I sighed and said that I didn't have the money and that I was frustrated. He reiterated that he couldn't help. I said, "You know what, I'm sorry I called and bugged you. I got this handled, thanks" and I hung up. He called back and left me a voicemail telling me he didn't appreciate my "f-cking attitude" and that it was rude for me to hang up on him. He said, "I want to know where you are so that I can come and get MY SON, because I don't want you gallivanting all over the city with him in tow." I called him back and told him that he didn't need to worry about S4, that he was safe and that someone was on the way to get us. I told him that I didn't need his help and again he said, "I'll pick up S4 if you need help, that's all I can do." As if that would help! Argh. He said something about how none of this was his problem and I told him I didn't say it was. I was so frustrated because I really wasn't asking him for help and I was accepting that he couldn't help... but he still kept going on about it.

I got a friend to take me to the laundromat (where I was going after picking D13 up from school) and then take me home afterwards. Another friend was offering to tow my car to his place, but couldn't do it until around 9 p.m. We drove over there at that time and my car was GONE. I called every towing place I could think of, plus the police and sheriff's departments...and my car was nowhere to be found. I filed a stolen car report, but at this point I still have not heard anything.

I left my xH a voice message early this morning to let him know that the car had probably been stolen and that S4's car seat was in there. He's picking S4 up for the weekend tomorrow and I wanted him to realize he would need to get a car seat beforehand. I didn't ask him to call me back; the message was purely informational. He called me around noon and I didn't answer. He left a message: "Hi, just calling to see what's going on with your car. Call me back, okay?" I waited three hours and called him back. He didn't answer, so I left a message: "Hi, calling you back. The car is still gone. Not much to update. Bye." I haven't heard from him since.

So, now I don't have a vehicle at all. I can't get my D13 to school (she goes to school 20-25 miles away, in another district). I can't get to job interviews! If I got a job, I wouldn't even have a reliable source of transportation. I'm just overwhelmed. I thought it was bad that my car was broken down, but now it's worse -- I don't even have it at all. I'm so upset that stuff like this keeps happening to me and yet I look over at my xH and OW and things just seem to be going well for them. When do they reap what they have sown? I don't have anyone to rescue me from my troubles, not like my xH does. I feel so very sad.

What's frosting on the cake is that I've been talking to a very nice man online for the last few weeks and we had planned on meeting for coffee this weekend. Now I can't even do that! I wasn't expecting a R out of this, by the way, but I was looking forward to spending time with a nice man. He has offered to pick me up and all of that, but I'm uncomfortable with that because I don't really know him that well. So much for my GAL attempt. I'm sure my xH would totally love that things are falling apart for me.

Anyhow, that's the update. Anyone care to donate to the Save Liz's Car Fund? Oh wait...I guess it's the Buy Liz a Car Fund now. *sigh*

Geesh {{{LIZ}}} Seems like there is always something going wrong isn't there. I can't believe someone would steal your car like that.

And yeah your h is being a d-ick! I wouldn't call him at all for his opinion or anything. He will hear about it eventually and then want to know why you aren't calling him.

I wish there was something I could do for you!!!

And I understand staying away from the boards a bit. I go through phases where I do as well. It is hard sometimes to GAL and keep up the PMA coming here. But other times it is fun and nice to be around people who understand how I feel.

Hey Liz hope I didn't bring you down! I also know what you mean about needing a break at times.

I know things are hard right now and you're going through some struggles, but I do believe things will get better for you. You're a bright, sweet person with a lot to offer...

Is there any way a friend could drive you somewhere to meet this guy or maybe you could take a taxi? (that way you can still GAL a little and have some nice adult conversation with an interesting guy).