I really cant figure this woman out. I droppped the kids off at our usuall meeting place but when I left instead of heading west toward home I headed east and it wasn't 30 seconds before she was calling me trying to find out where I was going. Just when I think i have all the answers...she changes the questions.
No no no, this is a good thing. She is getting curious in your life! Of course don't get too excited though, you want to keep in perspective. My H was showing signs of curiosity with me, yet during that time is when I saw on his phone that he wrote "you are so gorgeous". So, this is just the time where your making them EXTRA CONFUSED! This is a good thing IMHO.
And it also gave her a reason to call you. I hope that you used the opportunity to be calm. What happened anyways? Did you get defensive? or the opposite?
let me know. I'm really sick with the flu (have been this whole week), so I won't be on too often, fyi.
I'm glad you set a tentative date. You can always change things when you reach that date, because things never go the way we think they will!
Congrats on your W bringing the kids early on xmas day, that is wonderful!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I've had a few set backs lately...mostly due to my own bad attitude and impatience. Starting to think that this isn't gonna work, but I'm gonna keep fighting.
A few new things I'm gonna try is getting a part time job. I'm stuck living with my parents and am really getting sick of it. I feel like a loser being 29 and not being able to afford my own place. So I scheduled all my classes for tuesdays and thurdays this semester so I should be able to fit in a few days of work a week and give me that little extra money I need to get out of here and start moving forward.
I've been really down on myself lately but I'm trying very hard to get that positive attitude back.
dont worry about the setbacks. those happen and what you need to do is make sure you overcome those. What you need to do most, is to prove to yourself that you are a new person. not just to your wife, but to you. As Michelle mentions in her books, is your last R is going to follow into the next one. So if you don't really complete your change, and you fall back into the old bad habits, then this whole event in your life was for nothing, and you will just fall into another R and have the same problems.
So, I know that this is hard, but you can do it. It's not for her, it's for you.
Remember, that a lot of people get into depression during the winter. There is less sunlight, which can cause mild depression and because it's colder, we stay inside more too, which means even less sun. So, continue to get out, and be around positive people.
i was watching a preacher on tv, and he was an inspirational speaker, and talking about how we need to put ourselves in the presence of positive optimistic people. If we have friends or family that are negative, then that is what we will end up being (if we surround ourselves with them). It is so much easier to be brought down, then to be brought up.
So, if you think getting a part-time job will help you, then go for it. Make sure it is something that you enjoy, or at least enjoy the people.
Hey, and don't fret about living with your parents. My H did that too. He was 30 when we finally got in an appartment. So your not the only one! Sometimes we just have to do what we have to do, but know that it is not forever.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
The idea of the part time job is to be able to get out of the house a bit more and meet new people. I think it is definately something that would benefit me.
My problem now is I'm feeling completely alone. I try to keep myself entertained. I go to my brothers quite a bit, I have wrestling practice every day, and I go out once in awhile, but I still cant seem to get past this terrible feeling. Tomorrow I get to see the kids so that should brighten things up a bit.
Can someone please give me some tips on how to build a new relationship with me W when we don't have a chance to spend time together. I mentioned before that she says she wants to be "best friends". To me friends can actually spend time together, watch a movie...play a game...or just hang out. But all I get now is phone conversations...and those aren't where they were a month or so ago either.
I trually belive if we could get to a point where we could just hang out together that we could build a better R. But how do I get to that point? Today I called her to let her know that she can drop the kids off to my parents and I wanted to ask her to come over some time next week to play yahtzee or something. I had it on the tip of my tongue...but didn't ask, I ended the convo before it got there. I'm at a very frustrating point right now.
wow. I don't really know how to help you. I think that it might be okay to offer a 'get-together'.
Just make sure you are prepared to get a "no", if you do ask, and don't have any expectations whatsoever.
If your apprehensive about what you might talk about, if she does say yes, then choose something that you'd be doing stuff together, action stuff. Like, bowling maybe, or watching a movie (not so much action, but you don't have to talk much). That way there is less time for awkward moments.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Quote: Just make sure you are prepared to get a "no", if you do ask, and don't have any expectations whatsoever.
I actually expect fully to get a no. I'm just not sure now is the right time to suggest it...considering my recent melt downs. I'm thinking it may be better to wait until things are a bit more positive. I really dont know what else to do though, I dont want to be limited to being a phone friend.
I asked her the other day why she is constantly asking me for help. When ever things get bad for her she comes to me for help...no matter what it is. She says it may be because I'm the only one who has helped her, ever. I said "doesn't that say something about how I feel about you?" Maybe ironic isn't the right word but I'm finding it ironic that the one person she doesn't think she can trust is the only person she goes to for help. Funny?
yes that is ironic and funny. Maybe she will see that in time.
I did forget about the meltdowns, so your probably right in waiting a while to ask. Take things slow.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
No real news to report today...just checking in. I didn't get to see the kids as much as normal this weekend cause my wrestling tournament yesterday went much longer than it was supposed to.
I'm in a little better state of mind today. When I dropped the kids off I kept it upbeat and short, then when she left I called her to mess with her a bit and asked where she was going(see a few posts up). She laughed and I told her about my tournament the got off the phone. I think I'm making progress in getting the friendship back on track.
