I can't put my finger on what it is but something is not right about the convo yesterday. I think either she's been just trying to keep things civil so that I'll continue to be there for her or something happened with him and she needs to push me back. I don't know what it is but and I'll probably regret it but I'm gona have the talk today. I will keep it cool and low key. I just need something to help me figure out my next move. Yesterday she mentioned the D for the first time in months...so something is different.
You may be right. I hope that what you find out is what you are looking for, but most the time it is just the opposite, so don't be overwhelmed with what you find out.
Remember, if you are to ever have a new R with your W, you will have to prove to her that you will not blow up at her, or let her actions affect you. This will be a good test for you. And remember too, that even if God's plan for you, is not to be with your W, this is still a good opportunity to prove to yourself that you don't have to let anger take over you, because you will take what you have learned here into any other R you have in the future, no matter who it is with. So be strong.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
The talk didn't go how I wanted it to...they never really do. But it went as I expected, I didn't blow up and it became more of a talk about what is best for the kids than an R talk. She is more adament than ever about filing for the D. I told her that I will not pay for it and I may contest it. Right now I'm not sure how I feel about it. I dont trust her any more than she trusts me...but I feel like we could build something if she'd try. I'm kinda thinking that marriage talk may have come up with OM...they have been living together for like six months and that's all we dated befor we got married, so nothing would surprise me now. If anything happens I'll let ya know, in the mean time I'm gonna do some things for me.
Well, at least some things that needed to be talked about were.. like the kids.
I do pray that she is not contemplating another M right now. I wonder if she has any real friends that could encourage her to do the right things? Or are you the only one? It's hard for you to encourage her because she'll probably just see it as pressure or whatever.
I almost wonder if it would be good to talk to her in the future if she was contemplating an M and to talk to her only like a friend and tell her that your not saying these things because you want her back. You could say that you know she doesn't want you back, but you are concerned for her as a friend. After going thru this trial, you have really opened your eyes. You understand that whatever problems you guys had in your M is only going to continue into any other R's you both have. And because you pushed her out of your life (in a way, she was wrong too of course, but we need to validate her foremost) and she fled to someone else, you want the best for her, and hope that she has had a chance to really understand herself in order for her to find the right person.
I don't know. She'd probably take that bad too. I'm sorry, I'm not much help here.
Of course, you just keep taking care of yourself. We can't change our spouses, they have to figure that out for themselves, some later than others. And for some, it's too late. I hope that your wife is not one of those.
Keep building yourself, keep being a great father, they are most important, and keep praying.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
it's been a while. Just checking up on you. Hope things are well.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I'm doing okay. W came through surgery okay. She's been in pain since but I got to keep the kids a few extra days and that helped her a bit. They cleaned the tumor out and didn't find anything cancerous so she should be good to go once the cut heels. As far as the R goes, I've let it go. I've decided that I can't dwell on it any more. If she comes back she comes back. If not, I'm not going to spend my life hoping. Thanks for checking on me. I'll update if anything changes.
Thats good to hear about your wife. Sometimes it's good to let things go. Don't let go of becoming the best person you can be though. Continue to GAL and grow spiritually too. If you put your trust in God, he has the right plan for your life.
Thanks for checking in, it sounds like your doing just fine, and things will be okay...you will be okay. You focus on you, your God and your kids.
I'll keep praying for you.
Crissy
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
just checkin up on you. let us know how your doing!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
