Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis ow thread locked........MLC Collateral damage

we had a major debt prob before the MLC and the mlc is making it worse.....he is spending what we dont have on OW and not paying bills. He wants me to get a job and help with bills...sounds like I would be funding his life with OW. it is a huge mess.

Thats the trouble I get so tongue tied when I go and the panic attack takes over it is hard to remember anything

I was alone for Thanksgiving....H never mentioned it or what he did.....prb with child whore. It hurt alot. He was out Fri to bring me my meds.....tried to meet him at door and send him on his way.....but he came in anyways. Telling me I have to get a job , he cant pay bills by himself.....i told him to get rid of 3rd person in the marriage and I would be glad to help our situation. He kept deflecting it and i kept repeating it. He said...you are telling me you wont work and give me money.....i said that is not what i said.....get rid of 3rd person in our marriage and i will get a job and help......he doesnt get it. No surprise huh?

I am sad and agonizing over the fact I must file for D before Christmas.....not that I will have one anyways. All I can do is cry and come to terms with the fact my H doesnt want me any more...he would like me to disappear to florida and support myself so he doesnt have to pay for me and our animals and a divorce. He appears happy to be cruising long with OW as long as he doesnt have to be bothered with his wife and our farm

Hon,I'm not following something. Why do you HAVE to file before Christmas? You don't have to do anything you don't want to!
Do not let him force you into a single thing.
I know that it seems like he's happy in his new life; I once believed that, too. In fact it was this time last year that I thought the very same thing. H was trying to make it work. It wasn't as happy as I thought.
Don't believe he's got the life of Riley. He doesn't and he knows it.
Hugs!

The spending h is doing will only increase for OW for Holidays......he is already out of control...putting me and my dogs and horses in jeopardy. The only way to stop the spending is to get the court involved with a prelimary injunction. And he sure seems happy not to have any contact or anything to do with us!

h brought my meds yesterday.....asked for hug....i said no not until you get rid of the third person in our marriage....I got the seven heads look and he drove away. I cant take his sloppy seconds any more when she has everything else! He is so deep in replay. Another year or two????

(((hugs)))
I know this is hard for you BUT until you let some of that anger go and stop being so bitter nothing is going to change.

I have told you many times, you catch more flies with sugar then vinegar.

How can he turn to you as a friend if you keep pushing him away.

The man is mentally ill, and you want logic.

You want him to see that what he is doing is wrong and that he needs to just come home.

Just like a naughty child, he will keep avoiding that issue until you make it safe for him to return.

How can he see the issue if I allow him to walk all over me.......9 months of hugs and kiss have gotten nowhere......except he has done more and more and more with her and less with me. When he left he said talk to you sometime and I txt him he can talk to me anytime. He txt back hours later that he felt good about that and he I would feel that way for life.....I txt back I didnt know ....but for now .if he needed to talk about his turmoil I would be there. This is all after I am told there is no $$ for me to have groceries this week.....he brought dog and cat food but I cant eat! ?????

pws,

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{PWS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

There! Are you feeling the warmth of my hug????

Sweetie, this will not last forever. I see myself in you...I have been sooooooo angry with H over his PA but eventually I have to let that go. I am not saying I am over it yet because I am not...but I see how pathetic she was and how she bamboozled my H---he was a fragile man---still is in many ways.

I think I am starting to get what BND is saying....you get more with sugar than with vinegar.

Sweetness, the affair with her will burn out. She is like a drug that he can't quit. Somewhere in there he is hiding. You just have to decide if you will stand and wait it out. Much easier said than done...trust me, I know....

I hope that you can get your meds to work for you and get the dosing that is best for you. I know what a rollercoaster that can be.

I think about you and how you are doing and I am sorry you spent Thanksgiving alone. Wish we could all get together and spend it together, us, our kids, our animals....and no one would be judgmental at all.

pws, you really are strong you know and you can do this if you want to. You will survive and you will get through this even if it feels that you won't. At the end of this journey you will be a better person.

Hugs,
Valentine

Well.....I am on Cymbalta, carbamazapine, neurontin,valium, and now Lunesta. The first 3 had me well on my way to leaving this depression behind til the bomb dropped! Now the panic attacts are horrible. To go out shopping puts me over the edge.
The PA? Part of me knows the bandaid...it is just of late it seems to be getting so much more intense....more time with her....more nites at her apt...more dates out on our money...and H looks more and more alien....deeper in the tunnel....with her. I feel like it will never end. I have the forgiveness in me....but when will the real H step forward for it to show???