Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again Not sure if I am officially piecing yet....

Want2be,

Right now, you can't win....WAS is battling his own demons & you can not help him with those. All you can you is take it one hour @ a time, one morning/afternoon/evening, etc.

Maybe the next time H blows up about you not communicating, you just say, "I am sorry you feel that way" & nothing else. This will let him know that you heard him & ackowledged his feelings. DO NOT let him attempt to draw you into an arguement, remain polite & sweet while trying to keep the conversation brief.

WTBM,

From your last thread.

Quote:

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More insane things he said last night:

I don't accept his kids or like his exwife (I do, but thats another story)
He hates that I look single
That I don't seem to be miserable
He doesn't know me and who I am anymore, I am not his old wife.
I am not making the changes he needs. ( tried to get clarification on that, but he couldn't tell me. How do you work on a marriage with distance)
He was getting angrier and angrier last night that I seemed so calm about all of this. That I seemed to enjoy it. Thats not true. I just wasn't having an emotional breakdown and begging. More of an attitude that I could take this or leave it at this point.

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I think this pretty much tells the story. In my opinion your H is trying to eat cake, he will string you along as long as you let him. He doesn’t to see any signs that you might be able to move on without him and he wants to keep you firmly on the hook. I think you have a good chance to make a difference if you can apply DB wholeheartedly. If you cave in and keep talking R every time H shows the slightest interest I believe this flip flop pattern will continue. H will run every time he feels secure.

I wish you the best of luck, you seem to be figuring out how this works and I think you are heading in the right direction. I just want to let you know that DB works and if you believe in yourself and work on your self image with all your heart and soul, you will find that you have it in you to make the right choices, and that my friend is a success story regardless if your M is saved or not.

My H is the definition of flip flopping. I post on the MCL board. My H left to have an A last Feb. Came back in March. 1 week later, back to OW. 2 months later back to me. For the past 6 months, he's been saying he wants me and our M, but every few weeks he goes back to OW for a day or two. Then comes back professing his love for me saying that he's sure this is what he wants. This is STILL going on for me.

At thsi point, H has said he wants to come home. This time I'm not letting him until/unless I see drastic changes. It is so hard, but I know I have to do it.

We cannot control their actions. All we can control is our reactin to their actions. So, now is the time to take control and tell him you don't want to be part of his mess anymore.

Good luck.

At least you get a week or a month. I only get a night or two and then hes gone.

I just had my T appointment. Kinda depressed. She told me as much as I want to set boundaries with WAH I am not ready to follow thru on them. For instance this weekend happened and now I beat myself up for letting him get close again. T and I are going to work on that starting next week. She said WAH can potentially do this for months or years!!! That really scares me. In my heart I guess I was thinking that someday he will change and come back.

Oh, I am having a bad day. Miss him alot.

I have a question...my T told me that its quite possible that my WAH really isn't confused about us. She thought that he very well could be strictly using me and has no intentions of possibly working this out.

Do you think if a WAH wasn't interested or rethinking his decision about the D that he would still be calling once in awhile, or wanting sex or things my WAH has wanted lately? Could it all be an act or is he really confused?

Ok, I have another question....my WAH told my d17 that he stopped the divorce the other day. Of course she didn't know what he meant. Could he have really stopped it without me signing anything? He was the petitioner and I the respondent. Wouldn't they have put something in the mail if it was pulled? I want to call the legal document place he used, but everytime I have called to ask a question they are obligated to call him and tell him and I don't want him to know...

Anyone have any insight? I have a feeling he was just blowing more smoke. Lately we have an inferno going with all of it.

hmmmm...remember believe nothing of what you here. He may be just tell your D that so it will get back to you or he could be telling the truth. Just keep your guard up.

UGGGH. I am a 41 year old woman that is going insane. I feel like I am in high school with all of the drama and analyzing. A year ago, who would have thought we would be here now. I sure didnt.

I don't really believe it either. Im sure I would have heard something either from him or the courts if it were true.

Update and need help.

Last night i sent H a text saying he had some mail here. He sent one saying that I could drop it by his house or I can leave it out today and he will get it. Sort of a blow off. I didn't respond. He started sending more and more texts. It was late and I thought it was a good time to DB. I didn't answer calls or texts. Finally I answered. He was upset and thought I wasn't home and with someone else. We ended up spending the night together. Great night. I love you, I want this....all the usual. Only him, he makes me promise him that!!

He leaves this morning and then sends a text about an hour later. "We can't do this anymore. It just messes things up..." basically flopped back to where we were with him running like hell.

Our texts go back and forth this morning. He says he loves me but isn't ready to go diving back in. What the heck does that mean? Why does he do this? He is freaked that he can't find me, loves me, wants us and then turns and does this once again. He says he is not giving up on us but now is not the time. So when is it the time?

What am I supposed to do? Wait. Keep trying? Move on? Everytime I start to move on, he comes running back, but only for a short time. Seriously, this happens all the time and 3 times in the past 5 days.

His last text said that He cant go diving back in, but he does love me. He said he would be around later if I want to talk.

Waht do I dooooooo?????Help Help Help

I don't think there really is anything to do but detach and act like you are getting on with your life without him. Give him so much space he can choke on it. You don't deserve, this one minute he's in the marriage, the next he's not. You need to stand up for yourself and not be a doormat. You have to have respect for yourself in order for your H to have respect for you. He is being completely selfish and immature right now. As soon as he thinks you are getting on with your life he reels you back in again only to throw you back out. It's not fair to you. I think you need to stand your ground for now, and if H says he loves you and wants the marriage to work then he needs to prove it. Don't give in to him so quickly, he is expecting you too. He does love you and it sounds like he doesn't want to let you go, but he also wants his other world and freedom to have all the fun he wants. Let him go for now, he will be back.