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Hi MariS... I found my way here from SSM land,lol. Your H does sound like he's in Confused-World...hard to know whether to empathize or strangle them!

I think it's a good idea to make other sleeping arrangements. This way, your H really feels the level of responsibility...without you there to be the doormat. Sometimes they need a wake-up call to see how much they are needed and what direction is best in terms of maturity... it may make some impact in some brain cell somewhere.

Dig your heels in deep for the long haul!

Inherjourney,

Thank you for finding me on my other link

Strongly considering the lodging elsewhere & plan to pack an overnight bag in the car. I did this a month ago (30hr break) w/GF & it was hard for me to leave because I wanted to stay w/my family, even though WAH-MLCer was "just" baby sitting, I felt the want to stay, but didn't.

Now tonight, with my hormones out of wack for the "time of the month" I am wavering on even going out & just chucking everything. Aaargghhh....

Prayer....and more prayer...

Journaling....

WAH-MLCer, picked up child from school yesterday & stayed @ our house, taking care of child/pets, while I went out to GF's B-Day party. Boy did I tie one on.....mucho, mucho needed. Haven't had the chance to do that in a VERY VERY LONG time.

It was extremely hard leaving the house to party, with every essance of my body wanting to stay w/my family, but knew I had to show WAH-MLCer that I was GALing & doing my 180. Plus, keeping my mouth shut about where the F were you this morning?

Instead, I smiled sweetly & thanked him for letting me have a night off.

Made it home before midnight, proceeded to get ready for bed, checked on little one & decided to sleep in the guest room (pass out) @ opposite end of house. Left WAH-MLCer asleep in master.

Woke up at 5am as usual & went to master, nursing a hangover & was hoping for some cuddling....WAH-MLC'er & I slept in until child woke up at 7am & he was true to his word. I had the day off from being Mom/child care giver.

Best part, when child went down for nap, we had "our time."

Then I was given an afternoon pass to do whatever I wanted while WAH-MLCer & child went out for their time. I chose to go shopping for some cute lounge wear & new robe. Part of MY getting a new life.

The let down late this afternoon/evening was knowing WAH-MLCer would not be staying the night...we had such a lovely normal family morning that it left me yearning for more. Must sit on my hands & not contact WAH-MLCer & let him think about the past 24hrs he had with his child/LBS & pray that God will keep opening his heart.

Journaling....

Well, I didn't sit on my hands. Sent a txt stating that "this morning was not at fun as yesterday & we miss you being here with us."

No reply from WAH-MLCer, so off we went to church. Upon returning home, his number was on caller ID, but no message.

Feeling really bummed out today....trying not to push for more, but having all of THOSE questions in my head.

We are we? What are we doing?

Are you content with the pace we are at?

The sexual encounters, are you just using me/us?

Do you plan to follow up & serve me with papers, or are we working things out & you might move back in time?

What are you feeling? Are you seeing anyone else?

How are we to handle the holidays & family?


AAARRRRGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!


Starting to think I just might need to contact a DB Coach to help with some of my sanity now and then. I know friends & family can only be a sounding board for so long.

Thoughts - advice - suggestions?

MariS... Hi again... I tend not to post on the weekends. I think you are doing really well...try not to get too "up" after a positive interaction with H or too down after a negative one. Consistency is key. You are under a lot of stress, and it could help to see a counselor. I know I have gone during various points in my life.

Remember it's a long process...it really won't get better until your H has some sort of internaql epiphany and starts to make his own connections. You just want to help him in that direction while keeping the main focus on your health and your child's.

Hope you have a nice day!

Inherjourney,

Yeah, I don't normally post on the weekends either, but went to neighbors saturday night w/baby monitor & then had MIL sit w/child while I came to work yesterday afternoon.

Thank you soooo much for your encouragement

Now for journaling...

WAH-MLCer actually answered the phone when I called inquiring if he was still coming to pick child up (unlike last Friday) & apologized for being late as well as telling me why he was late.

When I left for work, giving child kiss/hug, WAH-MLCer reached for me & gave me a kiss/hug AND gropped my but. What a freakin roller coaster ride from yesterday!!!

Now as of this morning, I believe WAJ-MLCer is having his internal epiphany/connections. He called to let me know about a warrant out for his arrest (some traffic thing) which he said he had taken care of(& now would have to prove), at the same time mentioning that he never can get things right, he drops the ball, etc. & eluding to how the past three years have been this way.

Oh my gosh!!!!!!!
He was reaching out & admitting to what I have been living with for the past 3 years!!!! Hot d@mn!

I kept calm, empathized with him, told him not to worry about the warrant, take care of what needed to be done today that was important first. Then I said "no, you don't drop the ball on everything, you made it this morning & child laughed & had a good time. Plus, you looked good, so you did get something right."

AND

WAH-MLCer suggested blowing off his Monday night activity & maybe we could get dinner. I said go to the activity & maybe we could do drinks after instead, his reply, he would need dinner too. SO, I said okay, but since he paid last time, it would be my treat this time.

What a complete opposite of yesterday........

Journaling with a Question.

WAH-MLCer made it by last night & I drove us to dinner, my treat. He did look tired & admitted he was through out the evening.

Positives are; I think we had a nice time. He did not drink alot (1 cocktail 2 wine). WAH-MLCer talked about friends, a little about what was going on w/him, etc. The "filler" stuff that I had on my goals.

Negative was when he said he was meeting with an attorney at 10am today to help with that warrant/traffic thing.
My mind immediately went to a bad place, going oh no, are you meeting with the one who filled the papers that you have yet to serve me? (the ones that I supposedly don't know about)

Plowed on through the rest of the meal & drove us home, to relieve MIL from babysitting. WAH-MLCer sat on sofa & I sat down. He said, "please don't take this wrong, but I am going to go home, I'm tired" as he was standing up to leave. He also asked if I was not going to give him a hug now (I was still sitting). I replied I was, but needed to get up.

Guess I should not have said he was welcome to stay, no obligations, but I was confused. AND to make it worse, he took his pet w/him. The one who has been sleeping w/me since the separation. I hate it when WAH-MLCer calls his place home, it puts a knife through my heart every time I hear it.

Did confirm, we would see him in the morning to take child to school.

Now as of this morning, WAH-MLCer has been a no show again, just like last Friday. I called, but cell was turned off. Left a message on his office stating I really need to know by X time if he is not coming & I would appreciate if he would extend me the courtesy.

Still no answer.....

Is my WAH-MLCer regressing back into his tunnel?

I so badly want to ask him soooo many questions, but know shouldn't.

Advice?

MariS... My best advice to you in to just stay neutral. Try not to let H know you are putting out your feelers, so to speak. Try your best to get through the day as evenly as possible. Your H's head is in a jumble now...things will change day to day, as you have already experienced. I am wondering...who are the influences in H's life? Who are these friends he's referring to? What do his parents ( or other family) say? Is he in any kind of counseling...I think I know the answer to that one! Is he still involved in his A? Does he have strong religious beliefs? He needs a lot of guidance and direction...where is that coming from?

WAH-MLCer finally sent a txt this morning saying he was sorry, he was exhausted last night & just woke up. He even offered to pick child up today, if I wanted.

My reply:

Hope you are feeling better. Wishing you a better day. Call me later if you would like a "do over" for dinner-drinks. No reply about needing help w/child, already have that covered with MIL.

My concern is that WAH-MLCer is revisiting depression & that he is downing himself. Especially from his comments yesterday afternoon.

What a freakin roller coaster ride!!!!

Inherjourney

I regret my WAH-MLCer to my knowledge is not going to C.

We tried it right after I confronted him about the A, but soon realized he was doing it to appease me. Plus later learned he had been going a little on his own when he told me he needed his time & space, back in august. That was when I started to find out more about his childhood. (parents always arguing) Wish I had the DR book then.

The A was with a younger women out of state last year for about 9months. Too my knowledge it did end months ago, with her being devistated to learn the truth about me & child. She thought my WAH-MLCer was single, she wanted lots of kids & they had been going on trips(wineries, mexico, etc.), so he was basically doing a number on her too.

Friends WAH-MLCer refers to are a few married couples & single guy friends (people I know too as his wife). Not sure how much these friends know & I can't worry about the single guy friends, who I know are not the best of infleunce. There will always be those type of friends around.

As to religion, well, he isn't an athiest, but he believes religion was created by man to control the masses.

I am sorry to write that I don't think my WAH-MLCer is receiving the guidance & direction that he so desperately needs. Unless, there is some way that child & I are providing it.

His Mom & brother are praying for us & are hoping we will work it out. There is the possiblity that one or two of the married guys & one of the single guys are helping him, but not like a good GF does.

Thank you very much for your words of encouragement.