Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again Simple Question

WAH-MLCER is now to the point of considering piecing our M together, but now I am having second doubts. Is this normal?

I figure we will keep taking it slow, rebuilding trust, mutual feeling and respect. At some point we will talk about what we each need from the R/M, but have both agreed, not right now.


My last thread was under Midlife Crisis - Am I being tested or do I give up.

Thanks for listening....

Very normal. Just another issue to work through. Been there, am there

Totally normal. I felt that way too.

I think working on friendship is a great first step. Try dating each other. If you have children, or had a relatively good long-term marriage, then I think it's worth trying.

Ditto...

I had those thoughts even after I took my H back, it is normal, specially when you don't see "inmediate" results as one would wish.
I'm a christian, and I firmly believe the devil doesn't want you guys together and will fill your mind with doubt, dont' listen. Piecing is hard business, but God meant for you both to be happy, I pray you have strenght to go forward and piece your M together))))))))))))))))

Thank you to each of you who replied that this is normal.

WAH knows that I'm wanting to work on the M, & I'm taking the conversation from last Thurs., where he said "things are going too fast & we need to talk about what we each want out of this R, but that did not need to be today," as WAHs way of saying he is considering the thought of giving it a try. (H invited me out for dinner last week & ended up spending the night)

I'm seeing a few positive signs, but am trying my hardest not to get my hopes & expectations up. My old M/R are dead, & I would like to rebuild by getting to know the new H & him to know the new me. At the same time, I can see him still having some MLC issues (what I call his demons). I know I'm not out of the woods yet & still being tested.

Will keep reading my books, but will also start to look for one on the art of flirting....it has been years.

Any suggestions?

It is normal, and this struck me.

Quote:

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I'm seeing a few positive signs, but am trying my hardest not to get my hopes & expectations up.

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You have this wrong. You SHOULD get your hopes up but you DO NOT let them turn into expectations. That's one of the hardest lessons this crap has to teach us. Many of us thrive on a live lived via expectation. If our expectations are not met, we suffer, if they are, we rejoice.

Please, have hope for your marriage, your H and yourself (not in that order please) but when things don't go the way you HOPE they do, don't take it personally because no matter how much it seems like your desires shape your world, they simply filter your reality. The world shapes itself and your H is no exception.

BTW, from VERY recently obtained experience, flirting has a whole lot to do with just expressing what YOU want, free from fear of rejection and very little to do with technique...or is that a technique...aw WTH. You know what I mean, lol.

Good luck.

GH

grasshopper,

Hadn't even thought to look at it that way....good thought.

Will keep hopes alive and expectations down.

Have brief encounter with WAH in 30min, will attempt a flirtation (which is a 180 for me)

Mari,

I also never really got into the flirting thing BUT I also know that my H needed me to act more like a woman, I think it made him feel more like a man.

I was always in Mommy mode.

Needless to say I went on a little shopping trip, bought lots of little goodies..just in case.

Once our physical relationship resumed again and I made efforts to do a 180 in this area I think it really broke down a huge emotional wall for both of us.

I know we all have doubts and we get fearful at times but life is too short not to give it another whirl.

Let down you guard a little and enjoy the fact that rebuilding will be a whole new and healthy adventure for both you and your Husband,

brandnewday & others,

I have been making minor adjustments around the house, ie. flowers, changing light bulbs, air freshner, etc.

The girlie goodies, & minor wardrobe changes were on my list for this weekend....but after last Wed. & yesterday afternoon , I'm confused. (WAH probably is too) Trying not to push, but when the opportunity is there, I am certain not going to turn it down. This coming from the LBS with the LSD.....

A month ago, I had a 30hr reprive from my reality (girl time away from the house-checked into a hotel). WAH stayed the night at our house, looking after child/pets/house.

This time, I am asking for the same thing, but since I don't have the $$$ for hotel room, spa treatments, etc. I would like to stay in our guestroom.

Basically, I would like a 30hr break from being "Mom" & have one night to go out, come home & not have to worry about taking care of child/pets/house first thing in the morning. Plus the day/afternoon for me to have "free time" to go shopping, have lunch w/GFs, movie, etc.

Since the seperation, I have only had that one weekend & I was hoping maybe to have that chance once a month.

The vibe I was getting this morning is WAH is willing to help, but is wavering on the idea. My thought is he is worried about spending the night will I'm there, but he did that last week anyway.

Am I asking too much too soon?