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"OR talks should not be avoided but actually encouraged, but with ground rules established first to minimize the risk of them turning bad."

I VERY much agree!

I think that setting a time limit is a very important ground rule.

It's pretty easy to let the flood gates open up when get on a roll, which can sometimes do more harm than good.

At least try to make an agreement that either of you can take a "time-out" when it starts to get too uncomfortable. And just talking about it "later" don't work too well either. "Later" rarely arrives. Ten minutes, two hours, or whatever works for the both of you.

Hi Eric
It sure sounds like you are on the right road. I don"t know if I should be here, I have been in newcomers for 4 mos, and never get any responses, so found this sight.H and I just had 24 yr anniv, things were tense for the first few months, h thought he would leave, but as I db'd, tension eased and he is still here. We go for c, but hte big thing that h said last week was he doesn't have the feelings right now, as there were things that I said, and assumed that have hurt hm. I just did not realize till now that that is what is wrong. I have all but come right out and accused him of "something" going on with a coworker of his.I still feel like they are too close for just a friendship, but for the first few months he continually assured me that there was nothing, she has problems (drinking, now going through her own d), but I assumed, snooped, hoping that he would just confess, and we could move on. I guess I pushed too far, as in March, he totally went cold, the ily stopped, the touching, everything. We started c, and as of today, we talk more (but only day to day stuff)i read dr, and have really changed, I still question if there is an ea with her, but I feel like I have hurt him, and doubted his trust. I don't know how to mend all of it.I haved prayed for forgiveness, but he also needs to know that some of his actions have hurt me too.

sorry, I have been rambling here, but it is so great ot read about something good, and the hope that it will be pieced back.

I will say a prayer for you and your w
Sue

JJ,

Thanks for chimeing in and the good advice. If I have not shared anything about a relationship talk with my wife by this time next week give me kick in the butt please. I could use someone to hold me accountable.

If your agreeable I would sure apreciate it With all the demand on us my wife and I get very little couple time. We give almost all free time to the kids. Anyway an acountability partner would be a blessing.

Dear hoping,

I think this is a good forum for you. Start you own thread so that you will get the attention you deserve. And start posting and asking questions to some of the other threads in this forum.

I am sure that some of the ladies here will adopt you as well as myself. I will try to look up you posts and get more familiar with your situation.

Keep you chin up and keep Dbing. I will look forward to sharing with you.

Peace be with you.

Hello Friends,

I received via email this morning a relationship question from my wife. So anyway I created a user and thread on this site for my wife and posted her email question and responed to it. Not sure if she will like the Idea. If she does not then I will discontinue the thread and we will visit in person or via email.

Well better get back to work and do a little work. I will be out of the office playing hookey and being with my better half and my kids most of the day.

Blessings to all

"If I have not shared anything about a relationship talk with my wife by this time next week give me kick in the butt please. I could use someone to hold me accountable.

If your agreeable I would sure apreciate it"

Well, ok, but remember, YOU ASKED FOR IT!!!

I'm sure others here will lend a hand, too! Right everyone?!

It's perfectly ok to start out small, and work your way up. In fact, taking care of some of the small stuff may lessen the overwhelming size of what may be seen as big things.

It takes a lot of practice, it's still tough for me at times, but it does get easier.

We give almost all free time to the kids.

Also, always remember, and never forget, the importance of........

Time Together

It doesn't mean setting aside major chunks of time, or major excursions and outings anywhere. It can be very simple stuff.

For example, something that really means a lot to my wife is helping her cook dinner, or do dishes. I don't really have to actually do a lot, it's just a matter of being in the kitchen with her. Either in times of silence, or just idle chit-chat.

Simple.

Another is doing yardwork. We don't have to even be in the same area of the yard, or working on the same project. Just sharing a common goal, passing by each other, taking a break together.

Again, very simple.

Have any ideas of things that YOU can do?!

Quote:

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For example, something that really means a lot to my wife is helping her cook dinner, or do dishes. I don't really have to actually do a lot, it's just a matter of being in the kitchen with her.

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Same here. This has been one of my 180's that had a major impact. In fact been doing this every day for two months, then one evening after diner I just wanted to relax and read a magizine that came in the mail that day, and her anger came back and went off on how things were back to the old way again!!

From then on, I stayed in the kitchen with every evening.

'til later,
KAW

KAW,

I think that as Guys its easy for us to not realise all of what our wives do around the house and with the kids. It could be that if we feel we are doing everything around the house we are still only approaching the halfway point on the equlity scale.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
By John Gottman, Nan Silver
Book Link

This is a really Good Book. In this book he talks about the importance of sharing house work.

Hi JJ,

Thanks for the thoughts they are right on target. Work calls. .... Have a great day and thanks so much for sharing your thoughts.