Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again Unsure If I Belong Here

Thanks brandnewday for dropping by.

I agree that he needs to find his place in the home. And yes he did come home to me. We have been going back and forth so many times that I've lost count. The way he is acting now is the same in times past when he has come back AND left again.

I feel that if I let him have his space, then I'm ignoring him or not paying attention to him. OR I will try to get close to him and talk to him (no R talks) he seems to have no interest. We are ML almost daily, so there's no problem there. I'm hoping this will draw us closer together.

When we were apart H would call daily, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day. And now, I may get 1 call from him. I sometimes feel as though I was the one that the A and being punished. I don't throw the A in his face (which I think he's anticipating) and I don't ask questions about the time we were separated.

H says he has an appointment with a C tomorrow, so we'll see how that goes.

Stay focused on you goals and tasks, let him figure out his own path. Accept, the best you can, what he is offering, but have and know you "plan B". You will feel like you have given what is needed, but you will feel in control of you. Have a good day!

Phoenix_spark:

Thanks for the advice. At this point I'm letting H have his space. It seems everyday we are together he tends to withdraw more and more. Last night H was real distant. We had dinner and afterwards he leaves the table to watch T.V. I run to the store, come back, and go to the bedroom. I tried to initiate conversations and would get real short answers/comments. While I was in the bedroom my friend called my cell. She too is having problems with her H. While I was talking to her H comes in the bedroom to get a shirt. I could see H looking at me so I turned to him and he asked who I was talking to, so I told him. H leaves the room but leaves the door cracked.

At bed time I went to the kitchen for a drink. I noticed H laying on the couch with T.V. on and all the lights out. I assumed he was going to sleep on the couch so I told him goodnight. H just mumbled goodnight. I went to bed and he stayed on the couch all night.

H goes to work 2 hours after I do. H was asleep when me and my 2 girls left for the morning. I told him good-bye and have a good day. He mumbled something.

Today I thought I would try something different. I tend not to call H, I wait for him to call. I text him a message: Just wanted 2 say hi. I know U R pretty busy @ work. Have a super-duper day and I love you!

Should I continue to let him have his space or kinda hang around him but not on him?

Have you read 5 Love Languages by Chapman? I can't say I've read your whole thread but this just seems to jump out at me. He might be back and trying to connect, but has no idea what you need or vice versa. Let me know, it would make some sense.

Hiya KDK...

Should I continue to let him have his space or kinda hang around him but not on him?

I think you would be the best person to gauge what needs to be done. I think the WAS has different moods at different times, and you would need to open your eyes and see where he is now, and thus decide what needs to be done. For my H, I do notice that he is kinda distant sometimes,... and most times, I would just give him the space, and he would revert with being attentive or affectionate not long after. I guessed sometimes they just need to retreat into their cave. If you are unsure of whichever mood he is in, you could perhaps ask him cheerfully if he needed something (coffee, tea etc??_) and gauge from there whether he needed space or otherwise.

Hope I not rambling all over the place...