the dynamics of wanting and getting—the more someone wants from their partner, the less the partner feels like giving.
No if I understand this, then the way to get more in a relationship is to want less. So if I make it clear that I do NOT want my wife, then she will give me more quality sex than I can handle. Do women literally want men that don't want them? My head is starting to hurt.
I think you should read the book... at least look it up on amazon and read about it... sounds really interesting. I've ordered a copy of it for myself.
I remember when I was in my LD state during my M. I had a very immature understanding of sex, I misunderstood how I thought things should be between a man and a woman... I pretty much thought that it was my H's job to make me feel desire, for that is how it happened when we were dating. Or at least that is what I thought. I've come to find that that is not the case at all... but I didn't know it then.
And as time went by, all it seemed like he wanted from me was sex... it seemed that he was very O driven, and I was just a means to an end for him. Coupled with all the other problems we were having... I darn near never wanted sex... I think I was pretty much ND... but I was willing to have sex once or twice a week.
I was CLUELESS where my desire went, and I was CLUELESS in my understanding that I was the one who was in charge of MY desire. And I can tell you, reading romance novels did NOTHING to alter that opinion.
Did I want to be desired? You betcha. Exactly the way a woman was desired in a romance novel. Ugh. God. I was sooooooooo off base... so ignorant of myself and sexuality... so flippin' unrealistic.
ah. well. Live and learn.
As for you... I know you are probably sick to death of reading books, but I'd give this one a crack. At least read the reviews and see what you think.
As for your W... I just don't know what to tell you. Until one of you is willing to shift your POV just a bit... I don't see anything changing.
CeMar, Paraphrasing Underdog from another thread...here is a more pc way of saying what I said before. My goal here is not to insult you but to wake you up to the fact that this is quite possibly how your W is feeling. It won't fix things for you but it may just help you to understand a little better why she is LD in your M. Consider for a moment the possibility that she is not LD just to hurt or punish you but rather because she feels hurt or disrespected or disliked by you and can't get around that in order to express desire for you.
Quote: Every time I read CeMar's laundry list of complaints about his W, I think that he's doing himself, her and their M a grave disservice by continuing to make his laments about her. No libido could make me want to have sex with someone who resented me or felt that I was "less than". There were many times when I'd have sex with Mr. W. because we had both gone too long without any physical affection. But it would pain me when we weren't getting along and I couldn't feel that connection between us. I always felt that there was more to life than having sex with a guy who seemed to hate me much of the time.
Bear
The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.
--Marcel Proust
Quote: Did anybody have an altruistic reason for defending Cobra's W when they suggested that calling her a F*ing B*ch wasn't a good idea? Why do we get on Cobra's case for doing that but we pat Bear on the back for similar treatment of CeMar?
Bear's not married to Cemar.
She has no ongoing relationship with him.
They do not have children together who will be observing mom and dad ripping into each other at the top of their lungs in a hatefilled, derogatory manner.
In other words, as Sesame Street says, "One of these things is not like the others, One of these things just doesn't belong,"
And yes, I would be interested in reading posts from you that aren't granny-izing and reflect more of the genre of post you used to produce.
