Quote: She said she could have sex with OM because it wasn't so intimate. Sounds like bullsh!t to me !!!!
No. This is not bullshit. Having been one who went through years of sexual abuse myself, I could probably tell you a thing or two about the whole experience.
Here is a post I made on a recent thread:
Quote: Cobra:
In one of your posts, you said you didn't know I was sexually abused. Well. I was. And like I said, for many years, I thought it was the crux of all my problems.
I think I may have told you all at one point that in college I was a journalism major... I found my way professionally into other things, but during my time in college, I took many non-fiction and fiction writing classes. I was born to write. I haven't done it, but... hey... most of us shun what we are naturally inclined to do.
Anyway, for a few years, I did fiction writing on the side, as a means of catharsass... before I met my shrink. I wrote a story, a FICTIONAL story, about what had happened to me. When I say fiction... I altered names, places, etc. It is not the factual accounting of my tale, but every emotion that you would FEEL from this accounting is true.
I will say up front that this is a very disturbing story, most especially for men. But if you've ever wondered what it is like to be in this situation, then I think you might get it from this story.
It is very graphic and not for the faint of heart. If you would like, you can read it here: One More Day.
If it brings you any understanding at all of these types of sitches... then... well. I'll leave you all to your thoughts.
Corri
If you are interested in discussion, look for my thread called Girl Help, and Girl Help II in the SSM thread.
This thing your W has going with the OM will dismantle, given time... especially if she has never dealt with her SA issues. Don't know that you should wait around for it, but... well. Let me just say... if your W is not willing to confront her SA issues head on, there isn't a whole lot you can do.
My bf was sexually abused by his mom when he was ~10 or so. I just found out a couple of weeks ago. It explains a lot.
Virginwife, I've been researching the "diabetes surgery" and with the help of some friends have determined that this was likely bariatric (gastric banding) surgery.
Quote: Laparoscopic gastric banding prevents type 2 diabetes and arterial hypertension and induces their remission in morbid obesity
The diabetes "cure" is a side effect of the surgery. But it is my understanding that one has to watch one's diet very carefully afterward. If there were a reliable surgery to "cure" diabetes wild horses and all the drug companies in the world wouldn't be able to keep diabetics away from it. Low carb eating (very low carb... less than 30 carbs per day) can also bring blood sugar totally under control.
I love telling people about this. I have talked to groups and done In-service presentations for medical professionals too. I know this is OT here but you asked! We try to pay it forward by telling others this alternative exists. I have thick skin and I know people don't believe us because after all, if this was true, wouldn't their DOCTOR be giving out this information? So, I understand and encourage skepticism.
I used to be research scientist. One of the things I worked on was intestinal hormones. There are scads of them that haven't even been studied yet. It is an intestinal hormone or combination of intestinal hormones that causes DM2. Stimulation and overproduction of these hormones is caused by food passing through the small intestine. There is a strong link to hypercholesterolemia too. A classic DM2 patient has lots of insulin but he/she can't use it because their cells lack the ability to pick up the insulin that's available. So they end up with high blood sugar and high insulin levels.
When my H was diagnosed, we knew he would not be a good diabetic. His family history was dismal. He asked me to do some research and look for better alternatives. So, I did. I read papers and talked to docs all over the world. That's how we found Dr. Aniceto Baltasar in Alcoy, Spain. He is one of the pioneers of the DS for Diabetes. He has probably done more procedures than anyone else specifically for resolution of Diabetes.
The first modern DS surgery was done in 1988 by Hess. The patient is now in his 70's and still doing well. The DS was performed as a treatment for morbid obesity. As time went on, it was remarkable that exactly 98.6% of the patients who had DM2 lost their Diabetes. Most of the time, it was immediately post-op. There was no weight loss to explain it. When the DS is done on a MO patient, it includes Gastric Restriction. Most of the stomach is removed. In the DS for Diabetes for a normal weight individual, GR is not part of the surgery. Most of the small bowel is bypassed leaving about 50cm or so fully functioning. No small bowel is actually removed so the surgery is completely reversible. The typical patient usually loses 10 to 15kg post-op and then will regain most of that over the next several years. The DS results in significant malabsorbtion and the patient has to eat a high protein diet and take supplements(vitamins and minerals) for life. It's also necessary to have blood work done once a year. DS, BTW, stands for Duodenal Switch.
It can be correctly argued that the DS for Diabetes is like removing a splinter with a jackhammer! It is overkill. If we knew specifically where in the small bowel these hormones are produced, it would be easy to excise a few inches or better yet, develop a medication to block hormone production. But we don't know exactly where the hormones are produced, hence the bypass. Those would be better alternatives but the DS is available today.
When I told my H about this, he didn't even hesitate. Even though he'd never had surgery before. I think he was seeing his future as blind and in a wheelchair. A couple months later, we were on our way to Spain. His surgery was done laparascopically and he recovered very quickly.
Here are some names you can look up: DS Institute, Hess, Scopinaro, Baltasar, Buchwald(JAMA paper10/2005?), Noyes, Gagner, and Rabkin. That's enough to get you started.
Are you bored yet? I wasn't. I felt like I had tripped over a gold mine!
Corrie, thank you so much for your reply. I read and saved your story. You'll have to read my thread to understand more about my sitch. I would REALLY like to be able to email with you, because you do understand and are able to express yourself. I don't want to keep putting extremely private stuff about her past on here. I did give a rough overview of her past experiences on one of my post.
She is starting to deal with it, slowly. She says that she has more and more dreams about her father, and more is becoming clear. She always said that she didn't remember much about her child hood, probably becouse she blocked it out as a means of survival. Now with all of the stress she's been under, it's starting to come out. You see, becouse I DO believe all of this and I do know that it effects her, and led to her cheating. That's the only reason that I know I can forgive her. I've told her many times in the past that I would walk through hell with her and hold her hand all the way. meaning that I would be there for her to go through the healing. I love my wife very much, and I've been reading everything I could find to learn how to help her and how to deal with it. But there is so much that the books just don't answer. If you have the time, I would love to talk to you privately.
Corrie, i swiped this from your girl help II thread: ______________________________________________________
Feeling safe is a real big one. If I don't feel safe, if I feel pressured, if I feel that there is 'expectation,' involved, it escalates my sense of panic... and I start to emotionally detach, even if I don't want to. I always need to have the 'opt out' option, ____________________________________________________
WOW ! That sounds exactly like my wife. She's told me before that she doesn't like to do "special occassion" sex. What she meant was that if she knew it was expected of her, she would shut down. We talked about this when while we were dating, I took her to our company christmas party. Very formal & we spent a bundle on clothes to go, and I guess I expected that after such a nice evening, we would top it off with some whoopie....NOT. Then here's the one I never got over: We didn't do ANYTHING on our wedding night.It was about 2 days later before we ML.We got married on Valentines day too.
Anyway the guy HAP (?) that you were responding to, his sitch sounds exactly like mine, or at least the way he feels about everything. I'd sure like to talk to him, and see how his deal turned out.
Never said so well...... Now to try to convince my wife.....
Quote: Hey, just stopped by your thread and must admit, it is not one of my many problems.. But it was for a sister in law. She wanted to feel close before she could ml and her husband needed to ml before he could feel close....Mexican stand off. I feel that the woman has it a bit easier here, since ml is an action she can do (fyi, I am a woman) more easily than the abstract "feel close". Of course this assumes the husband is good to her in bed. I have often said yes, though I was not in the mood. BUT, afterwards, well, I have never once wished I'd done laundry instead.
